“Ben, do you think Uncle J will be able to find us some dinosaurs?” Maya pulled her plate closer to her and pinched some frosting between her fingers and licked it off. “Or can you work your magic and make it happen?”
“Hehe.” He lifted the paper wrapper and bit off some of the cake that was stuck to it. “Uncle J candoooit.”
“You think so, do you?” Maya pressed.
I took my last bite, the sweetness of the cupcake becoming too much. “I think Maya is going to need your help, Ben. You’re the dinosaur expert of the family. You might have to help her hunt for some. Are you down for that task?”
“Yesss.” He giggled and patted his belly. “Emily, I’m so full.”
“Me, too, kiddo.” I checked the time on my phone. “How about you go upstairs and brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”
He slumped down in his chair. “I don’t wanna go to bed.”
I set my plate on top of Maya’s. “You don’t have to go to bed yet. You just have to get ready for bed. Then we’ll snuggle and read lots of books. How does that sound?”
“Okaaay.”
“Do you want to go brush your teeth now? I’ll be up there in a few minutes to check on you.”
As Ben got up from his chair, Maya said, “Good night, buddy. Can I have a hug?” Ben rushed over to Maya and threw his arms around her waist, Maya kissing the top of his head. “Sleep well. Emily and I are going to be in Dad’s bed if you need us, okay?”
“Okay!” He took off for the stairs.
I smiled as I watched him disappear. “You know, I’ve never put Ben to bed before.”
“Never?” She crossed her legs, setting her arms back on the table.
“It’s always something Gavin does. I’ve never asked if I can join. I don’t know, it seems like a kind of moment that should just be between a parent and their kid.”
“But Em, you are going to be his parent.” She grabbed my arm and held it. “You basically are now.”
Even though she was right and I loved Ben more than anything, the steps before bed felt like a Gavin thing, not a me thing.
I shrugged. “It’s funny, I never thought much about it, so I didn’t make it a huge deal in my head. Gavin goes upstairs with him, I almost always fall asleep on the couch, and he wakes me when he comes back downstairs after Ben is asleep. But now that I’m really thinking about it, I’m excited for this to bemymoment.” I went silent, my shoulders no longer high but rounding forward. “I know that sounds silly.”
“It doesn’t. Not at all.”
My head dropped, and I looked at her fingers on my arm. “I spend a lot of time with Ben. But something about snuggling with him in his bed and reading him books and hearing his soft, little snores feels so tender and pure.”
Her hand went to her heart. “You’re going to make me cry.”
“Please don’t. Because if you cry, I’ll cry, and neither of us need to be doing that tonight.”
She squeezed me before her fingers pulled away. “Go. I’ll clean up. And when you come back downstairs, I promise not to be asleep, and I’ll have a glass of wine poured for you.”
I blew her a kiss, and as I went upstairs, I could hear Ben singing. I didn’t know the song. I could barely make out the words and his voice was pitchy, yet it was the cutest thing ever. I stopped in the doorway of his en suite. He was using his toothbrush as a microphone, staring at himself in the mirror, the dusting of frosting still all over his shirt and face, and now a ring of toothpaste was around his mouth.
He quieted just as I said, “How’s it going in here, you little rock star?”
“All done!” He gave me an extra-big grin.
“Your teeth are all brushed?”
He nodded.
“Awesome. Then how about we wash off some of the toothpaste and frosting from your face.” I grabbed a washcloth from the cabinet and wet it with warm water, carefully rubbing it across Ben’s skin. “What song were you singing?” Once he was clean, I worked on the frosting that was stuck to his shirt.
“It’s from the dinosaur show I watch with Dad. I sing it every night before bed.”
