“Is it so awful?”she asked.She hadn’t thought Cutter was unhappy.
“It’s not awful at all, which is why I keep doin’ it.But I’m missing things, Pam.I’m not stupid like I thought.I like to read.I do it all the time.”The only clutter in his cabin was the reading matter piled on his shelves.“I’d have been embarrassed to say that a few years back, but not now.I can understand things to do with the company, or things to do with the economy or the government that the old coots sittin’ over at the bench on the green can’t understand.If I’d gone to school when I was supposed to, if I’d paid attention and tried once in a while, I’d’a made something of my life.”
Pam was out of her chair like a shot.“You have made something.You’re—”
“A miner,” he cut in with a grunt of disgust.“I’ve been a miner for the last eight years and I’ll be one for the next eight and the eight after that.I’m not going anywhere, Pam.If I’d been smarter when it mattered, I might’a gone to college.But it’s too late for that, too.So I’m stuck in a rut.”
She tried to take his hand, but he turned away.Grabbing a log, he hunkered down before the wood stove to push it inside.“I’m not moving, Pam, but you are.You’ve got a future ahead of you.You can do well in school andgo on to college, then you can work in the company way up there at the top of the ladder.I’ll never be able to do that.Don’t you see?I’m down here at the bottom.I’ll always be down here at the bottom.I ain’t got nuthin’ to boost me up.”
Pam ached for him.Squatting before the stove with his head down, he looked defeated.“That’s not true.You have a record for eight years of good, hard work.You could be a supervisor—”
“Not under John.Maybe if Eugene were alive, but there’s no way John would move me up.”
“I could ask,” she offered, and would have done it in a minute if the look he shot her hadn’t been so quelling.Her asking John for a promotion on Cutter’s behalf would be asking for trouble for them both, and anyway, Cutter had too much pride to let her do it.
“I thought you didn’t want to be a supervisor.That’s what you told me once.”
“It was a long time ago.Things have changed.”
“What things?”she asked more quietly.When he didn’t answer, she grabbed a handful of his hair.It fell thick on his neck and was perfect for tugging.“Tell me, Cutter.What things?”
He twisted on the balls of his feet to face her directly then, and she almost wished she hadn’t pushed.His look was so intense that her insides quivered.
“If I was a somebody—”
“Youarea somebody—”
“If I was a somebody—” He cut himself off this time.
“What?”she prodded.
He stared at her for another agonizing minute beforegiving a short shake of his head.Hands on his thighs, he pushed himself up.“Nothing.”
“What were you going to say?”
He went to the refrigerator.“And anyway, being a supervisor at the mine isn’t what I’m talking about.”He popped open a beer and took a swallow.Reaching in again before the door swung shut, he tossed her a can of Coke.“I’m talking about moving up and out.Getting a fancy apartment or buying a house.Wearing a shirt and tie.Driving a sports car.Traveling.”
“You can do all that.”
“How?I’m not trained for a damned thing besides mining, and even if I was, I don’t have any degree.Pick up the papers any day and see who the big men in business are.Most of them went to college and graduate school.I didn’t finish high school.”
“So go back and finish.You could do it.You could go to college—”
“Not now.”
“Why?”
“I’m too old.”
“You’re barely twenty-four!Loads of people are still in school at that age.”
“Not high school.”
“You could do it if you wanted.”Coke can in hand, she went to the refrigerator and nudged him aside.“No one’s stopping you.”
“But I have a job here.What are you doing, Pam?”
“Getting a beer.”
