Something ached in Pam’s chest.“D and C?”she echoed in little more than a whisper.
The nurse squeezed her hand and said kindly, “It’s a nicer word than the other, don’t you think?”
“What other?”Pam whispered, but she knew.She knew.The pieces were fitting—John’s calmness, his solicitousness.“What other?”she asked more loudly.
It was a minute before the word came.“Abortion.”
“Oh God!”Pam cried.She put a hand on her stomach.“I had an abortion?”
“You had a D and C.”
“God!”Her heart had begun to pound, and her eyes filled up.She looked around frantically, as though there might be someone or something there to tell her it wasn’t so, but with even that small movement she felt the telltale pad between her legs.Her eyes flew to the nurse’s.“I’m not pregnant anymore?”
“No.”
“My baby’sgone?”
“It wasn’t viable.That was the whole point of doing it so soon.”
Tears trickled down her cheeks.“The point of doing it so soon was to have it done before I knew what was happening.”She brought her hands—IV needle and all—to her mouth and stifled an anguished scream.Enough of it escaped to frighten the nurse, who ran to the door for help.Within minutes, a doctor was there, with John in tow.
Fragments of the nurse’s murmured words reached Pam from the door: “… woke up … didn’t know … procedure …”
The doctor sent her out and came toward Pam, whose eyes were large and wet.“Is it true?”she asked in a shaky voice.
“That the baby’s gone?Yes.”
Pam gasped.“I wanted that baby.”
“You came here for a D and C.”
“I didn’t know it.”She avoided looking at John.He was reprehensible and repulsive.“I want my baby.I want it back.”
The doctor put a pacifying hand on her arm.“What you’re feeling is perfectly normal.You’ve been through atrauma.Something like this is hard enough for a woman in her twenties, but for a seventeen-year-old, it’s worse.”
“I want my baby.”
“There’s bound to be a sense of loss.But you made the right decision.You’re very young to be having a baby—”
“I could have done it.I wanted it.I loved it.”
“And now you feel guilt.That’s natural, too.You’re tired.Feeling drained.Is your stomach bothering you?”
The cramps she felt were nothing compared to the pain in her heart.“I want my baby!”
“Enough, Pam,” John said, coming forward.“It’s over.Done.The baby is gone.You can’t bring it back.”
“She needs time—” the doctor began in an undertone, only to be interrupted.
“She needs to be told the facts.”John’s eyes bore down on Pam with the anger that must have been festering inside him all along.“The baby’s gone, and it’s no loss.The pregnancy was a mistake from the start.You said it yourself; it wasn’t planned.”
“It wasmybaby, and Cutter’s.You had no right—”
“Youhad no right—” John boomed, only to interrupt himself this time.To the doctor he said, “Fd like a few minutes alone with her.”
“She shouldn’t be upset.”
“Give her a sedative.”
