I sit on the back porch, tearing myself up for a long time. I can’t stop thinking about what happened with Charlie, but also how I wasn’t able to save my own daughter in that car accident so long ago.
Nearly an hour goes by before I hear the soft sound of the sliding door opening behind me. I don’t bother looking over my shoulder to see who it is. There is only one person it can be.
Blake’s scent filters through the air as she walks around my chair and takes a seat in the one across from me. I close my eyes for a brief moment before piercing her with my gaze. She nibbles on her lip as she thinks about what she should say.
I let out a breath and save her from having to speak first. “You should be back in bed.”
Her body goes still. “I’m sorry, I just got Charlie down, and I wanted to check on you.”
“Why are you sorry? I am the one who should be apologizing for what I did to Charlie.”
She shakes her head. “Charlie is ok, really.”
I run my hand through my hair and let out a sigh. “It was uncalled for, Blake. I was stuck in the past and should have never scared her like that.” I look up at the sky for a moment before looking back at her. “Why are you checking on me? I’m just out here trying to clear my head.”
She shrugs. “Just felt like the right thing to do. You seemed like you were upset.”
My lips form a grim line. “I was upset with myself more than anything. When Charlie wrapped her arms around me, it triggered shit from my past that I was not prepared for.”
Her eyes widen. “All she did was give you a hug. Is there something wrong with that?”
I can hear the defensive tone as she attempts to protect her child from me. She doesn’t realize it yet, but I would never harm her child.
“There is nothing wrong with what Charlie did.” I take a long drag of my cig.
“Then what did it trigger?” she whispers.
I shake my head. I don’t know if I am capable of talking about it. “It’s nothing.”
She rests her hands on her knees and then stands. “Very well. I’m going to go lay down, then.”
As she brushes past me, I reach out to grab her wrist, stopping her. I don’t want to spill my secrets or show what a broken man I am to this woman who barely knows me. But I don’t want her to leave. Her presence brings me a peace that I am not prepared to lose right now.
Her blue gaze settles on mine as she raises her brow.
“I… it’s just a hard subject to talk about. But I don’t want you to leave.” I stare up at her as if to will her to stay with my mere gaze, but she just stands in silence, waiting for my words. “Will you sit with me?”
She hesitates for a moment before nodding and taking her seat once more. The distance between us feels like miles apart, and I aim to fix it. I want her to sit with me. Close to me. So I can feel her warmth.
Her gaze penetrates me. She looks so intently at me that I feel like I may combust. My skin feels on fire, and I shift in my chair to get more comfortable. I grab another cigarette from the pack to keep my hands to myself. Once I take my first drag, I steady myself for what I’m about to say.
Chapter 19
Blake
Hunter sits back in his chair and crosses one leg over the other. His foot bounces quickly up and down in a nervous rhythm.
He’s holding something back.
I can tell by the way he chews on the inside of his lip that he doesn’t want to talk about what is bothering him. I recognizethat look-the way someone swallows down emotions so they don't leak out where others can see. I’ve done it for years.
But I need to know what I am dealing with.
The look he had on his face when Charlie hugged him was unsettling. Not because I thought he would hurt her, but because for a split second he looked like a man that was barely holding himself together. I don't know if that makes him dangerous or just broken.
I swallow against the lump in my throat.I have to be careful. I always have to be careful.Reading people, anticipating their moods before they turn has been something I have been good at for as long as I can remember. It has protected me.
Seeing how anxious he is, I decide to scoot my chair closer to him. His body seems to relax with my proximity. Without thinking I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, hesitant at first then more deliberate. I know what anxiety feels like-the way your own body betrays you, winding you tight like a coil with nowhere to release. When I am anxious I need stimulation to get outside my own thoughts. I bite my nails, fidget with my fingers and twist my hair around my fingers till it knots. Maybe it will help him too.
