I closed my eyes, letting his presence soothe me.
“I’m ready to say goodbye,” I said, my chest growing tight. “I’ve realized that I’m holding onto this farm for my parents and not me. I started this ‘save the farm’ journey thinking that I was doing the right thing, keeping my family’s legacy alive. It felt good at first to say that I was doing everything in my power to keep our farm with us. When I left, I gained some perspective and new relationships with my brothers. I realized this farm holds no good memories for any of us.”
Beau held me tighter, sharing his silent strength that I was slowly falling in love with. My heart raced as I thought about loving Nash and Beau and our future.
“So, why would I hold on to something that was nothing but bad memories?” I pulled away from Beau to look at him. “This farm is not our family’s legacy, it’s me and my brothers andwhat we do with our lives. Hopefully, we leave little rugrats on this earth with all the knowledge we garnered and give them everything we never had, like better parents. This is why I wanted to drive down here, so that I could say goodbye.”
“Damn, Iris,” Beau said, cupping my face. “You’re so fucking amazing.”
He kissed me softly.
“I’m not, but thank you,” I said, kissing him back.
“Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to walk away, so yeah, you are amazing,” he said, kissing me again.
Butterflies erupted in my chest as we kissed. This man supported me in a way no one else had ever done before. When Beau said he would come with me, I thought it might be a mistake letting him come, but I was totally wrong.
“Come on, cowgirl. I expect a full tour so we can say goodbye to all your favorite spots!” he said, spanking me. “Wait, shit! Should we have brought some liquor or beer?”
“Let’s see if the house is even worth staying here and then we can think about drinks, dinner and a tour,” I chuckled.
“There better be air conditioning because how the hell is it this hot and it’s only May?” Beau pulled his shirt away from his body a few times, airing himself out.
“Oh baby, this is nothing,” I said, walking up the porch. “August in Texas is the worst. Imagine triple digits being out on a horse all day and not even the evenings get cool.”
“That sounds awful,” Beau grimaced.
I laughed. “Come on, city boy. Let's get you cool before you pass out on me.”
“Yes, or else you’ll have to perform mouth to mouth on me,” he smirked.
“Well, shit. We are staying out here,” I chuckled, finding the hidden key and opening the door.
“Holy shit, Iris,” Beau said, as we walked into the house that still looked the same as it did when I left two years ago.
Everything was pristine, like someone had been living here.
“Damn, I feel like I’m walking into an old movie,” Beau said, as I closed the door. “This is exactly what I imagined the inside looking like and I know that sounds awful, but you have electricity, right?”
“Oh my god, Beau.” I hit his shoulder. “Yes, we lived in this century. The house is old, but we had everything we needed to live comfortably.”
“I feel like I’m on the set of ‘Little House on the Prairie’," he said, looking around with a look of wonder.
“Shut up, it's not that bad,” I said, turning on the lights. “I guess someone has been here.”
Guilt hit me for not visiting sooner. I never packed up my parents' home because I always knew I would be back or at least I thought I would be.
“Maybe someone from the farm?” Beau walked around the kitchen, opening the fridge. “There’s food and beer.”
“Maybe Nash’s dad is buttering me up,” I said, but it sounded stupid coming out of my mouth. “Well, let’s see if there is anything we can use and if not, we can go get something. I'd hate to see these beers go to waste.”
“That would be a sin,” Beau chuckled, walking over to the big window that looked out to the pastures. “Damn, Iris, this is a beautiful place.”
“I know,” I said, coming up behind me and wrapping my arms around him. “I always thought it would be mine, it still feels like it is, but it doesn’t feel like home. My heart is no longer here, no matter how badly I want it to be.”
“Sometimes our home isn’t a place,” Beau said, laying his hand on my own. “I think our home is wherever we feel safe, secure, loved and happy.”
“I didn’t realize I hadn’t been happy here in a long time,” I said, kissing his shoulder.
