“I just don’t get why they didn’t sell that land to save the farm. Why did we struggle for years?” I squeezed his hands, getting angry. “What games were they playing? Why did they make things harder for us?”
“I don’t know why our parents do half the stuff they do,” he said solemnly. “I wish I knew the answer to a lot of shit my parents did, but maybe it’s best we don’t know.”
“I want to know why they thought it was ok to make me suffer?” I pulled my hands out of his grasp looking away from him. “Why did they think it was ok to pit my brothers against each other and me? They ruined us for what?”
I stood up, knocking down my chair.
“Their stupid ideals. God, Nash. They used to say such mean things about Luke and Theo. Especially Theo, saying he was broken and that…maybe he wasn’t their child,” Igasped as memories of their hatred assaulted me. “They hated Jude, choosing Theo over him, even though they should have protected Theo. Why couldn’t they love all of us? Why did their love have to be conditional and transactional?”
My chest hurt, as I gasped for air, feeling like I couldn’t take a deep breath.
“Hey, I got you,” Nash said, cupping my face in his hands as my lips trembled. “I don’t know why parents are the way they are or why they leave us with these emotional scars, but you are not alone anymore.”
“They took so much away from me for so many years,” I said, my vision blurring.
“Then don’t let them take anymore, Petal,” he said, wrapping his arms around me.
The wall I had carefully constructed had broken as I let go. Nash picked me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist and he walked us through my home. He sat down on the edge of the bed as I held onto him tighter, crying into his neck. I cried for the childhood I had lost, for the relationships I hadn’t had with my brothers, and for the years I lost due to misplaced hatred.
Nash rubbed my back as I let years of pent-up emotions go. The bed dipped sometime later, and two warm bodies surrounded me. Beau’s familiar scent calmed me as he kissed my shoulders offering me his quiet strength.
I turned around, needing to see him and I threw my arms around him. He whispered that I was strong and brave and that I was doing the best that I could, saying this was a chance to start forgiving myself and move on. I fell asleep in between them, feeling more emotionally drained than I had ever felt before, but with them by my side, tomorrow didn’t feel so daunting. I had to let go of my family’s farm to move on. It was toxic, with too many bad memories.
I had just gotten my brothers back, made a life I was proud of in Sterling Ridge, and maybe these two men would like to be my new family.
24
beau
The sun filteredinto the room, slowly giving the room a beautiful glow. I looked down at Iris sleeping on my chest, pushing a stray hair out of her face, enjoying her beautiful, relaxed expression. Nash cuddled her from behind, his arm thrown over both of us like he couldn’t go too long without touching us.
It had been two days since I had come home to her crying with Nash and I had never been more gutted in my life. She wasn’t just crying, they were gut-wrenching sobs, like she was cleansing her soul from all the baggage she had been carrying around. Nash and I had laid with her, comforting her and existing for her.
Nothing had ever felt so right and that shook terror into me.
Yesterday was a better day, even if she was trying to hide her sadness. I called out of work, staying home with them as we stayed in, watching movies, cooking, baking, and just being together. It felt good to be us in our little bubble, but I was afraid of what was happening today. Nash was leaving for another rodeo, alone.
He invited us, but Iris had declined yesterday. I wouldn’t go without her, and he didn’t want me to leave her either. Nash had done hundreds of rodeos alone and this wouldn’t be his last one either, but it felt weird to notbe traveling with him. There was an air of sadness to it, like something was about to happen and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
I hoped I was just being paranoid.
“Good morning,” Iris whispered.
“Hey, beautiful,” I said, kissing her forehead. “It’s still early. Go back to sleep.”
“I felt you staring.” She nuzzled against my chest.
I chuckled. “Shut up.”
“I gotta pee,” she said, getting up, peeling herself away from Nash.
Nash grumbled, trying to pull her back, but she was quick to jump over me. I wasn’t safe as he scooted over laying his head on my chest, throwing his leg over my own, holding me tightly. I ran my hands through his hair.
“How am I supposed to get a good night's sleep without this,” he murmured, kissing my pec.
“Request a lot of pillows and bury yourself,” I chuckled.
“That’s not helping, Kitten,” he mumbled.
