“In your dreams, Cowboy.” I rolled my eyes. “I was really hoping they would let you be arms deep before they said, ‘just kidding’.”
“So cruel to me,” Nash said, holding onto his heart.
“You like it when I’m mean,” I said, walking away. “Always coming back for more.”
Nash yelled. “I like it when you're bossy!”
“Pathetic!” I got back on Snow White.
“You know a way to a man's heart, Rose!”
I flipped him off as I heard Jude’s laughter. Shit, I forgot he was right next to us. I signaled for Snow White to get trotting and I made my way back to the house, over analyzing everything that Jude had seen, wondering if anything could have given away our secret. Once I reached the barn by the house, I put Snow White away, giving her a good brush and cleaning out her stall. I left her with a few treats, going back to the office to finish up a few things before going back home. It was my first night off in a few days and all I wanted was my couch, a pint of ice cream and whatever trashy show I could find to watch.
The house smelled delicious as I walked back into it. Nova was in the kitchen mixing something in a pot.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” She spotted me.
“Just some office work for Theo,” I said, sitting on one of the bar stools. “What are you doing here?”
I checked the time behind her, seeing it was only two.
“Sol wasn’t feeling well, so they called me from school and thankfully my last client canceled, so I went to go pick her up,” she said, putting chunks of meat in a pot.
“Aww, poor baby,” I said, looking down the hall to her room. “What are you making? “Caldo de res. It’s like chicken soup with meat. I didn’t have any chicken.”
“Well, it smells amazing already.”
“Mama!” Sol yelled.
“Hold on, baby!” Nova yelled.
“I got it. Let me see if I can help her,” I said, getting up.
“Thanks, she’s probably looking for a specific pair of pjs she likes to wear when she’s sick,” Nova said, adding a few things to the pot.
“Ok, I’ll help her and holler if we need anything else,” I said, walking toward the hallway.
“Thanks, Iris. I appreciate you so much; I hope you know we all do,” she said, as I looked over my shoulder.
My throat tightened with emotion as she gave me a small smile. “Of course, I would do anything for this family.”
“Just don’t forget about yourself, ok?”
I nodded, afraid to say anything as guilt hit me. I married Nash to save the farm, but the longer I stayed in Sterling Ridge, the more I was choosing myself. Every day, I hated myself for not following through, but being here brought me more peace than I could imagine. I wish I still didn’t feel like I needed to keep my parents' dream alive. It used to be my dream too.
13
nash
There wasnothing worse than finding out your little brother was going to college and playing hockey for a D1 school that was just an hour away from where I was in Sterling Ridge. I wasn’t very close to Parker or Collin because of our huge age difference. I was eight years older than Parker and ten years older than Collin. By the time they were born, I was working for father. Mom kept the boys busy the older we got and it almost felt like she was keeping them away from me.
I was always the wild child; the child who gave them a hard time, who was defiant because I asked questions. I didn’t do what I was told and didn’t fall in line like Brooks. They made an example out of me time and time again until I was tired of being their punching bag, so I stayed away from home as often as I could. My love of the rodeo grew when I would sneak away and watch the local rodeos and tend to our horses.
All the time away didn’t stop Parker from seeking me out and my mother hated it. He would watch me train horses, clean and take care of them. I even caught him trying to sneak out with me when I would go watch the rodeo in town. He was my shadow until my father gave me an opportunity to do what I wanted. Ididn’t realize it until it was too late that he gave me my rodeo opportunity and Parker was pushed towards hockey to keep us separated.
When I talked to Brooks about it, he told me I was being delusional. He gaslit me into thinking I was seeing things that weren’t there, but the older I got, the more it became clear: my father didn’t want me around my little brothers. It was also how he controlled me. He used my love for the rodeo to bring me to my knees and I hated that. So that is why I needed to get out from under his thumb.
Parker’s team had made it to regionals, on his way to making it to the frozen four, which was fucking amazing. Brooks said he wanted to go pro and champions meant scouts took notice of you. On the drive over there, I tried not to let the guilt eat me alive. I pulled away for a reason, but I could have attempted to keep in touch as he got older. Now I hated myself a little, and I didn’t know how he was going to react to seeing me. I texted him before I left, but that felt insignificant.
