Ok, that was a lie. I still thought of Sam, yearned for him, worried about him, but with Forest he made all of that a gentle hum, allowing me to just be Jude. I wasn’t some man who had been so in love with his best friend that he didn’t date or have a life outside of his friendship. It wasn’t even Sam’s fault. I had been so preoccupied with everyone else's life that I had completely forgotten to just live, for me.
Forest was my guilty pleasure, even if nothing would ever come of it. Just being in his presence made me feel different and that made me feel like I was finding myself again. Maybe this was the year I lost my virginity.
2
sam
The arena was loud as our fans jumped up and down. I was standing even if my knee was killing me. I should have been sitting, but these last minutes of the game I couldn’t because all of our hard work, my injury, and a last minute line change had brought us here to the semifinals.
My teammates, Gomez, Riggs and Bennet were racing down the ice chasing the puck. They had one chance to tie the game and change everything in overtime. The rush overwhelmed me as I watched the puck pass between Gomez and Bennet. The other team’s defense was closing in; they had seconds before what they were doing was going to be a lost cause.
My wrist flicked, taking the shot at the time Bennet should have. He took too long and when he finally took his shot, the defensive man was there for the save. I saw it before the crowd did. They were excited for the possibility, they screamed as the anticipation was in the air and then the collective groan echoed when we didn’t get the goal. The other team shot the puck to the other side and there was no time left. The buzzer rang and the other team’s fans cheered.
So fucking close.
I sat down, watching my teammates slowly skate to each other to comfort one another. Jealously hit me square in the chest as I saw them hug each other. I saw Gomez and Riggs have their moment, the teammates who used to hate each other, but now had a relationship with our social media manager. Their helmets were pressed together before Riggs kissed Gomez’s helmet quickly. A different kind of jealousy hit me.
My head hurt from experiencing too many emotions in a short amount of time. Lately, it seemed my emotions were all over the place since I had injured my knee. Life had been throwing obstacles at me over and over again. I was exhausted and it didn’t help that I wasn’t talking to my best friend, someone I used to talk to every day. My chest ached and I wished I could figure out what I could do to get him to talk to me again.
I missed Jude with every fiber of my being. It was like I was missing a piece of me.
I was missing a piece of me.
“Hey, you want to come down and see the team?” one of the trainers asked, hitting the glass.
“Yeah,” I said, as I pointed up.
I could have watched the game from the press box, but I chose to watch it from the stands. This was an important game. I needed to be down here watching, but it made no difference. The walk up was brutal. It took me a long time, having to take a break twice, because my knee was still giving me issues. The walk down to the lockers was enough to wipe me out, but I kept going.
The locker room was quiet as I entered, it was always gut-wrenching, when you were so close, but couldn’t make it to the finals. I hated the feeling, and this was the first time I was on a team that had gotten so close.
A few teammates said hello and the longer I was here, the more I just wanted to leave. I hated that I hadn’t gotten to playwith them, that I didn’t get to share in this loss with them or that maybe I could have helped them win if I wasn’t injured.
“Webber.” Ravino, our team captain, walked up to me.
I clenched my jaw from the rising emotion I felt. His face said it all, like he knew what I was going through and I hated the sympathy on his face. All my close friends on the team looked at me like that, it always killed me.
“I’m sorry, Cap,” I said, giving him a hug.
I felt someone hug me from the sides and I knew it was Riggs and Gomez.
“I’m sorry, guys,” I said, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. “They were a tough team.”
“Next year, we will be unstoppable,” Gomez said confidently.
I sighed. “Yeah, we got this next year.”
We stepped back from each other, each of us had a somber look and I hated it, but I hated their looks of pity more. “You guys did great, but I’m pretty tired, so I’m gonna stop by the coach’s office and then head out.”
“Yeah, you need to get off your feet,” Riggs said.
“Maybe we can get a beer soon,” Gomez said.
“Or maybe a cook-out before you leave,” Cap said.
“You’re leaving?” Gomez asked, shocked.
“Just heading home for a bit, I miss it,” I said, even though I didn’t want to say it. I was only signed on for a year, like most of these guys, except people like Riggs and Cap, who were more experienced.
