“I bet you five dollars.” She leaned forward like she was trying to intimidate him.
“You got it, kid,” he chuckled.
Sol ate her ice cream in less than five minutes. She and Jude went to the small arcade they had in the back of the store. They played for ten minutes before Sol squealed in triumph. I laughed as she said something to him, motioning her hand to pay up. Hegave her five bucks and she was going back for change to play more games.
My chest ached at the familiarity of everything.
I had missed this.
I had missed us.
I had missed him so fucking much.
Life without Jude hadn’t really felt like life at all.
He looked over his shoulder at me, pointing at the register and I shook my head. I didn’t need to eat ice cream anymore. I was already getting soft, my abs were disappearing and the definition I once had was slowly disappearing. It was a constant reminder that I was no longer in the best shape of my life.
Jude paid, walking to me with a cup of ice cream as my heart beat so fast I was afraid I might have a heart attack. I had wanted this for so long, but now that he was here, I didn’t know what to do.
“How are you?” he asked, sliding into the booth. “Truthfully.”
“I don’t think we need to get into that now,” I said dismissively.
“That bad?” He raised his eyebrows.
I shrugged. “Is that what you really want to talk about?”
“Yeah, I want to know how you are,” he said, sounding sad. “Since you’re still here, I’m assuming the Yetis didn’t re-sign you.”
I shook my head looking down at my lap. “The second surgery screwed me over.”
“Fuck, Sam,” Jude said, leaning across the table his hand stretched out for me to take.
Six months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to take it, to find comfort in his proximity, but now I didn’t know where we stood. Looking up, I didn’t want to cross some imaginary line I didn’t know and fuck this up. His expression held anguish and … was that guilt? I did what felt natural and grabbed his hand.
Tingles spread from my hand up my arm as I stared at our hands together. If there ever were a moment Jude would see me more than a friend, I wished it was this moment. Going so long without him was painful and I told myself that even though he didn’t want me, I would always want to be a part of his life. Jude Malone was perfect for me, he was thoughtful, funny, and I have never had anyone care for me without any expectations like he had. People loved me because of what I could do for them, but Jude cared for me just because he wanted to.
Growing up in a family where everything was so transactional, Jude was a breath of fresh air. I didn’t know what it was like to have friends just to have friends. I didn’t know what it was like to be cared for without having to pay for it in some way, or why love was never given freely, but kept from me unless I did something. I don’t know if that's why I fell in love with him or why our friendship had meant so much to me, but losing Jude wasn’t an option.
“I’m sorry for everything,” I said looking at our hands. “I shouldn’t?—”
“I should be sorry?—”
“Jude, you don’t have to?—”
Sol's laughter made me look in the direction of the arcade. A little boy who looked to be a little older than her was playing a game with her.
“Hell no,” Jude said, looking over at Sol and then looking at his phone.
“We should probably get her home,” I said, getting out of the booth carefully so as not to hurt my knee. “She doesn’t need to be hanging around boys yet.”
“Yeah, they should be home by now,” Jude said. “Meet you at their house?”
I couldn’t help but smile, feeling like things might be all right.
“Yeah,” I said. “We will see you there.”
Jude’s cheeks grew red before I walked away to go get Sol. I took one last glance back at him wishing we didn't have to part. He smiled before leaving, making my heart leap in my chest. I didn’t know what it was this time, but we felt different and I didn’t know if this was good or bad.
