“Jude, are you seriously that dense?”
“You think he knows?” I scoffed. “Everyone knows?!”
What fucking reality was I in?
“I’m not sure, but Webber is incredibly thoughtful and nice with you. He goes out of his way for you and the moment he found out we were missing, didn’t he offer to come down here when he was only a week post-op?” Theo raised his brow. “Maybe it's time you tell him how you feel? I think you might be worrying for nothing.”
“It’s not that simple.” I looked up at the sky. “What if it destroys us?”
“You are already doing that now by whatever is going on with you two. He’s been here for a few weeks and you haven’t talked to each other,” he said.
“How the hell did you know that?” I scowled.
“Nova thinks she’s sly, but that woman has a horrible poker face.” He grinned. “Plus, she left her phone open and she’s been texting Webber for a few weeks.”
“Does everyone know our business?” I growled.
“Yeah, except you,” he deadpanned.
“Seriously?” I pulled the reins on Flynn needing some space.
“You are already creating a fissure in your relationship,” he stated. “You’ve been distancing yourself for months bracing yourself for what you think is going to happen, but what if you're wrong, Jude? What if Webber says he loves you and he’s been in love with you since college too?”
I scoffed. If he would have told me that ten years ago, I might have believed him. There was a time when I thought Sam might have liked me like I liked him. He was always so thoughtful and attentive, he constantly smiled at me, touched me and there were a few times I swore he wanted to kiss me and then overnight, it was like most of it vanished. I don’t know what happened, but it was like he lost interest or something. We still hung out, we still touched—Sam was an extremely tactile person—he was still thoughtful, but there was something missing. Sometimes I wondered if I made it up all in my head.
“I doubt that.” I dismissed his thoughts. “Sam is a go-getter. If he loved me or had feelings for me, he would have said something.”
“What if he feels the same way you do? What if he's afraid to mess up a good thing? You guys are so close and ever since you got in a fight you haven’t been the same, and I’m sure it's been that way for him too, maybe more since he’s been injured. I heard that he’s been having a hard time with his knee.”
Guilt hit me square in the chest, when I remembered him in crutches at the bar. He didn’t look like my best friend. He wasn't cheery or youthful. He looked exhausted and disheveled with thebrace and the crutches. Well, let's just say it made him look even worse.
“You're already hurting yourselves by putting this distance between you,” Theo said. “You might as well lay it all out there and see if he loves you the way you love him. I think you might be surprised by what you find.”
“And if he doesn’t?” I asked the question I knew I didn’t want to hear the answer to.
“Then you have to ask yourself if you can still be his friend and if you can’t,” he sighed, “Then you need to let him go, Jude, and find someone who is going to love you like you love them.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I whispered, as my lip trembled.
“It’s not going to be easy,” he said, coming closer to me until we were facing each other and he pulled me close. “It might hurt like hell, but you bet your ass I’ll be here and so will Iris. We will help you just like you’ve helped us. You aren’t alone, ok?”
My lip trembled as we awkwardly hugged.
“I love you, Teddy,” I murmured.
“I love you too, Jude the dude,” he said, making me laugh from the silly name he used to call me.
It lightened the mood, but it reminded me of all the shit we had been through and if things didn’t work out with Sam well, this would be just another thing we would get through together. Then maybe, I might be able to move on or get brave enough to find someone to take care of this virgin business for me.
10
forest
My ladies and their babies had been stressed out since we had caught a few wolves in the area. The fires in the west were pushing a lot of wildlife out to us and it was making all of us nervous, especially the cattle. I felt like shit when we found one of the babies dead. I know it was a part of nature, but it still hurt like shit when the mama was crying for her baby.
Last week, we had all been taking turns watching the herd and the last few days we hadn’t seen any wolves. I was still stressed, coming out early and leaving late to ensure that the herd was ok. It wasn’t just the herd I was checking up on either.
After finding Webber on the floor of his home, I had stopped by a few times just to make sure he was ok and not on the floor. He was grumpy, snippy and while that should deter me, it was adorable.
