Nash’s phone dings from his pocket as he nods. “Sounds good.” He slides the phone out and glances at me. “What are you doing the rest of the night?”
I don’t have a hotel room, I don’t have money, I don’t have a plan. I also don’t want to tell him any of that. After the phone call with my mom, our time wandering the plantation, and the impact of his simple sorry, I could easily be convinced to spend the whole afternoon with him and pretend there’s no fiancé, child he doesn’t know about, brain tumor, or financial wasteland in my bank account. I might want to listen to him tell stories in that ridiculous shirt and make me laugh so I forget to cry. I might want to hit pause on my whole life and just ... pretend.
His gaze drops to a text and pulls mine along with it.
Emma:My bed’s too big without you. Can we talk?
Emma. The blond horse and buggy driver.
Even with the short interaction I witnessed, I knew there was something personal between them.
My chest tightens.
I viscerally hate this information and have no way to justify it.
I’m engaged; we’re supposed to be divorced. Yet the smallest flame of jealousy flickers just the same.
A cane jabs my arm.
“You listenin’?” Cap barks, making me jump. “I said I’m hungry.”
Nash catches me looking at his phone and darkens the screen.Right. We’re married but not. I’m here for a divorce and gold. Of course he has a personal life. Women he texts. Beds he fills.
And of course he was nice today. He’s helping me.
Which makes me realize it’s not just envy I’m feeling toward this woman, it’s fear. What if she’s not okay with him spending time helping an almost ex-wife? What if she reels him in, and I can’t find what I need? What if the $23.48 in my account are the last dollars I’ll ever see? My mom won’t have surgery. Bennie will have to leave school. The business will be gone.
“Right.” I clear my throat. “Sorry, I just remembered I need to call Jonathan—my fiancé—and have things to do at my hotel.” I dodge Nash’s gaze, saying to Cap, “We should go. Leave Nash to whatever he usually does. No need to interfere more than we already have.”
“Stay for dinner,” Nash says. “I can make burgers. I don’t have plans.”
As unnerved as I am that Emma even exists, I’m shocked by how easily he’s blowing her off and how flattered I am that he is.What is wrong with me?
“Aha!” Cap jabs his cane into the gravel of the driveway, thrilled at the prospect of Nash’s grilled meat. “Now you’re talking my lang?—”
“We can’t stay,” I interject. Because really, we can’t. I need to clear my head and figure out where I’m going to sleep tonight; that won’t happen if I’m around Nash. I can’t think if he’s making burgers and telling me stories, distracting me from what matters and the whole point of me being here. And if I’m an issue for him and Emma, I’m not hanging around any longer and risking upsetting her. Aside from all the feelings churned up today, it also showed me how ignorant I am of the historical matter we’re dealing with. I need him.
“Really?” Nash is cool as a cucumber. “You can’t talk to your fiancéafterdinner?”
“It’s normal for people who love each other to prioritize talking.” That sounds nothing like our relationship. “Plus, he worries.”
He shrugs one smiling avocado-covered shoulder, twisting his lips to the side. “Doesn’t sound like a very secure relationship. What do you think, Cap?”
“Nope,” Cap says around Penny.
“Oh we’re secure,” I say, smug. “So secure we could start a security business. Maybe we will when we get married.” I pause for emphasis then wiggle my ring in Nash’s direction at the same time I realize it’s June. “This month, in case you forgot.”
He looks from the ring to my face, so damn unbothered. “You keep saying that.”
“Because you keep forgetting.” I open the driver’s door of my car and step between it and the opening, leaning into the door with my arms folded. “And you could take notes on the benefits of being in a relationship and staying committed.”
He pokes his tongue against his cheek. “Sothat’swhat you call being married and engaged?”
Touché.
“Well it’s not what I call being married and having a girlfriend I blow off.” I quirk a brow. “Nashy.”
I say it in jest, but I’m also fishing. I want to know how serious they are.
