I straighten, pinching the blankets around me and gripping the phone tighter. “What do you mean crying? Is everything okay?”
Jay’s eyes narrow.
“I mean—” Ryan blows out a sharp breath. “They want you for Christmas. Maybe I shouldn’t have—” He cuts himself off. I can picture his annoyed expression and hand raking through his hair. “Maybe this schedule isn’t what’s best.”
I’ve fully stood from the bed, squeezing the blanket around my chest while my body starts to buzz with anticipation of his next words.
“What’s best?” I repeat, needing him to say it.
Jay’s standing now too, pulling his jeans up his legs, concern etching lines down his face.
“Look, I don’t know what to say, Hollis,” Ryan continues. “The kids want you for Christmas, and I’m saying I think it’s best. They’re upset. Something about special hot chocolate and matching pajamas. This was never my thing. I can drop them off first thing tomorrow. That work?”
An ornament-sized lump fills my throat.
“Yes,” I manage. Before I hang up: “Ryan?” There’s a brief silence. “Thank you.”
We end the call before I scream so loud Jay jumps. I wrap my arms around his neck and press my mouth to his through an excited squeal.
“The kids are going to be home for Christmas,” I tell him between kisses. “He’s dropping them off tomorrow.”
Jay chuckles. “Good.”
“Good,” I repeat, pressing my cheek on his chest as I absorb what this means. “Christmas Eve with them, Jay. I’ll make spaghetti and we’ll watch movies then at midnight—oh my God.” I jerk away from him. “Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve.”
He lets out another chuckle as he rubs my back. “It is.”
I drop my blanket and push away from him fully, searching for my clothes. Frantic.
“I don’t have anything ready for them.” My underwear is in the blankets; I hurry them up my thighs. “They can’t just be home on Christmas Eve with no decorations.” I snatch my jeans off the floor and shimmy into them. “I have to go.” I skip the bra and grab my sweater. “I have to get ready.”
Jay doesn’t move, he merely watches me blow around him like a tornado. “You’re leaving? It’s late—what’s there to do now?”
I guffaw. “Of course I’m leaving. I have to get ready. I have to-to-to do everything I haven’t done for the last two months.” I’m nearly shouting now, my mind reeling with everything that needs to be done. Do I have enough presents? I hadn’t even considered Santa when I was shopping—that was on Ryan this year. Now it’s on me.
Shit.
I make a mental grocery list. Marshmallows, cocoa, sugar—I bump into Jay and laugh as I kiss him on the cheek. “Can you believe this is happening?”
He’s so calm right now, it’s like he doesn’t see how insane this is. Like he doesn’t know how much work there is to be done.
“Let me help you,” he offers, tugging a thermal shirt over his head.
God he’s handsome.
I shake my head, grabbing my toothbrush from the bathroom, him following me. “No way, I wouldn’t do that to you.” Translation: Please come with me. But I know better. Relationships haven’t worked for him because he wants life the way he wants it; I won’t push that boundary. I refuse. Whether we have strong enough legs to walk after this season I don’t know, but me forcing him into a wrapped box under a tree today won’t be where it ends. “Enjoy Christmas Eve with Marv the way you always do. You don’t want this chaos.” I stop in the kitchen to peck him on the mouth. “You have a good thing here, Jay. I’m not going to be the one to bring it down.” I chuckle, my thoughts pulling me in a million directions. When my eyes land on him again, he’s uncharacteristically serious. Maybe even hurt. “What’s wrong?”
He clears his throat and stuffs his hands in his jeans. “Nothing. Happy for you. I know this is what you wanted.”
I kiss him again; something is off. “Right. Well tomorrow Holiday Club meets, I can’t be there obviously, but you and Marv are going snowshoeing, right?”
He nods. I can almost feel him withdrawing. Because this is my life. Because kids make things less simple.
“Yeah.” He swallows. “And Christmas—Marv planned something this year, I forget.”
The energy of the entire camper shifts from ridiculously cheerful to terribly tense, but there’s no time to dwell on it. I barely have time to put on a coat, grab my purse, and pet the dog on my way to the door.
“I’ll call you,” I tell Jay. “When I get everything figured out.”
