This time Gage was at a loss for words. He stood against his desk, silent and awkward.
I took a deep breath, knowing he had given me back some control.
“I need to apologize for how things happened at your party. It was not my intention for my personal issues to take over?—”
“Maryellen…” he said in protest.
I stopped him by putting up a hand.
“Let me finish, OK? This has been a long time coming. I would’ve thought I’d have been more prepared for it than I was.But I guess no one is ever prepared to let the world into their past when they’re ashamed of it.”
Gage wasn’t sure how to react. His hands were in his pockets as he peered at his feet.
“Can we go sit down?” I asked.
He gestured to the chairs and followed me.
“Part of me is happy it’s finally out. Always worrying iftoday was the dayyou’d learn about it from your father became exhausting. And even though I knew your dad had no plans of unloading my past onto you, the fear was real.”
Apparently for good reason.
Gage sat, stoic and quiet. There was an audible swallow from him at the mention of my fear.
“The other part of me hates that you know.” I turned away, unable to make eye contact. “Chase continues to tell me how proud of me he is, and how strong I must have been to get through it all. I see some of that, I do. But the shame I feel shadows it, and I’m scared it always will.”
I knew Gage wasn’t sure if he should talk, but our elongated silence seemed to grant him permission.
“Maryellen, first of all, no apology needed.” Then he stopped. He didn’t seem to know how to proceed.
I gave him the time he needed.
“My first instinct was to be furious with my father. You need to know, though, he told me out of his love for you. He was distraught that he had something to do with you being upset but also knew this day would come. Harper and I basically badgered him into telling us. We thought it was something really bad.”
My head popped up. When my eyes connected with Gage’s, I tilted my head in question.
“We thought, I don’t know, you were sick or leaving us or moving away. Harper was devastated. This…” He gestured with his hands between us. “This is nothing, Maryellen. Chase isright. You’re amazing. What you had was a job, nothing more than that. You did what you had to in order to survive.”
Making it through the week at the office wound up not being as difficult as I thought. Things settled into place and returned to normal.
Normal.
I kept using that word, but it had a different meaning, of course.
Having lunch with Chase most days became my new normal. Being able to steal a kiss from him, and not break out in a sweat, became my new normal.
Also knowing my boyfriend, my boss, and all my close friends knew about my past and were OK with it became my new normal.
Today, I was having lunch with Harper. We met for salads halfway between her shop and my building.
“Hey,” she called out when I walked up. “Doesn’t it feel amazing to not have to be bundled up today?”
It had been a brutally cold winter, even for New York. Today, however, we had a tease of spring with the sun shining bright and the temperature going over fifty.
“Amazing,” I said.
We had already placed our orders and were finding a table. “I’m happy you could get a break from the shop today.”
“Me too, and we’ve been busy. Fiona and I have been interviewing for my replacement.”
