Maryellen chuckled. Then she fumbled with the rolled-up napkin, the knife and fork falling to her feet as she pulled them out.
“Damn,” she mumbled as she reached to the ground.
I reached across the table and touched her fingers, encouraging her to look at me.
“Just leave them, I’ll have her bring you a new set.”
She agreed reluctantly. Her eyes bounced around the room, unable to focus on anything. She was a mess, and I couldn’t blame her. Watching her, my heart ached as I started to grasp what she’d been dealing with all this time. She’d spent the past twelve years working hard to shield a secret that just came crashing down around her.
The waitress returned with our drinks, no happier than when she was first with us. I worked hard to make her crack a smile as she took our order, but it didn’t happen with Barb.
Once she left, Maryellen went back to being quiet, and I second-guessed the idea of bringing her out in public. She was uncomfortable and stressed. For someone who dealt with panic attacks, this was not a good combination.
Was small talk a good option for her? Or was letting her remain quiet with her thoughts better?
I decided on distraction.
“Their beach house is something else, isn’t it?” I asked.
Maryellen’s face warmed at the mention of Gage and Harper’s house. During my drive, I was distracted thinking of Mare, my father, and what the whole story could be. But there was no way to be completely immune to the beauty of the house I walked up to.
“Yeah, it really is,” she said as her face lit up. “I came down here a few times before the holidays to help with getting the house ready for their engagement weekend. Your brother hired a designer who I met with, and they did a fantastic job. It’s such a cute town, too.”
She continued talking about being at the house before, and some of the things she did while here. As I listened to her and watched the woman I knew sitting across from me, with her sparkling blue eyes and white-blonde hair, it hit me.
She was still my Mare.
Nothing I knew about her changed simply because of something she’d done in the past. She did what she had to do to survive, which was something I knew little about. In fact, I was damn proud of her and how she got through life on her own and became the successful woman she was. Not many could achieve what she had.
Her past made her who she was today.
And I loved who she was today.
Holy fuck.
I loved her.
But this was neither the right time nor place for that.
She had stopped her story about the town and the house and returned to simply staring at the television.
“Hey,” I said to get her attention.
She glanced at me, her eyes sullen and turned down. Then they drifted away, unable to maintain contact. Her reprieve from her sadness was brief as she became laser focused on a soccer game, which I knew she didn’t follow.
“Mare.” I took her hands in mine. “Look at me, please.”
She did.
“None of this matters,” I said firmly.
She scoffed and tossed her head to the side, her hair covering her cheek. She couldn’t even look at me when she spoke. “What are you talking about, Chase? Of course, this matters.”
She tried to pull her hands from mine, but I wouldn’t let her. Instead, I pulled her closer to me over the wooden table.
“No, it doesn’t. Because if I don’t care about any of it, why should you?”
Her teary eyes darted between me, the table, and back to me.
