Lily Danault wasn't going to kill Oliver Adams tonight.
CHAPTER 45
Lily
Kyle: I want you to know that I think you're one of the best people I've ever met, and no matter what happens today, I'll always be here for you, supporting you.
Kyle: Even if I didn't the first time.
Lily: I really wish I were the person you see.
I wokeup that Saturday feeling like my heart might literally burst from my chest at any moment. Despite all my desperate attempts to make things right, here I was again, trapped in the same nightmare that had tormented me for a decade.
Everything felt surreal, as if I were watching my life unfold from outside my own body. Even though I'd made peace with this bizarre situation and had begun to adapt to being back in the past, none of it truly made sense. And now, on this day of all days, reality was crashing down on me.
The world outside my window kept going on, unaware,and that made the cruelty of it worse. How could life be so ordinary when my whole world was about to fracture again?
I had spent nearly two months trying to create a normal life and prevent the catastrophe that would destroy everything I loved. But even with the advantage of having lived through this once before, with all my adult knowledge and hindsight, I'd failed completely.
I felt utterly useless. Ridiculous. Powerless in the most fundamental, soul-crushing way. How could I have possibly thought I could change anything when I was the very person responsible for everything going wrong in the first place?
I thought that if I could prevent Oliver from having something against my brother, maybe that would eliminate my motive for going to his house tonight. No motive meant no murder. No murder meant Leo would never go to prison.
But Oliver was a bad person. He'd been cruel and manipulative ten years ago, and he was exactly the same now, even viewed through my adult perspective. Some people are just broken in ways that can't be fixed, and Oliver was one of them.
For six weeks, I'd been trying to convince myself that murder wasn't the answer. That single, impulsive decision had completely destroyed my life. Nothing good could come from going to Oliver's house tonight.
But would there be real justice if I allowed him to continue destroying innocent people?
Do it for Leo,my mind began repeating over and over again.
Do it for Leo.
Do it for Leo.
Do it for Leo.
Leo deserved a chance to be free. He deserved happiness. He deserved to actually live instead of merely surviving. He deserved a world where predators like Oliver couldn't hurt him anymore.
I knew I had to let Oliver win this round and save my brother in the process. I knew I shouldn't be the person who destroys multiple lives for revenge that won't feel worth it once it's over.
But the more I tried to convince myself to stay locked in my room all day, the more I realized that leaving Oliver to do whatever he wants would cause more harm than good. He would continue his pattern of abuse and manipulation. There would be other victims, other families torn apart by his cruelty.
I stumbled to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face as the internal war raged in my mind.
One thing had become clear during our time in the past: I couldn't control other people's actions. No matter what I did to try to prevent others from behaving destructively, they ended up doing exactly what they'd done before. The only variables that changed were the timing and location of events.
But not everything had been negative.
There had been things that were different this time around. The actions I was able to take were different, even though everyone else followed the same patterns.
This time, I'd been able to save more patients at the hospital by applying knowledge I hadn't possessed as a teenager. I'd made peace with Kyle and rebuilt our relationship. I'd been a better daughter, a more supportive sister.
Maybe I couldn't prevent other people's choices, but through my own actions, I could change how scenes played out and influence their ultimate outcomes.
The question was: what kind of influence did I wantto have?
Just as it had happened ten years ago, my brother didn't leave his room all day. He was trapped in his own spiral of despair, and nothing I said through his door could reach him.
