Lily: Well, good morning, baby. Did you have a dream about me or what?
Do you want me to do something about it?
Kyle: This is a real S.O.S. message. Stop distracting me.
Lily: Soooo dramatic, see you later.
I wokeup with a smile on my face for the first time in longer than I could remember.
Being close to Kyle again had made me realize something I'd forgotten: I deserved to be happy. I deserved to feel what it was like to be in love again, to want a future with someone, to wake up excited about what the day might bring.
For ten years, I'd convinced myself that happiness was a luxury I couldn't afford, that love was a risk I couldn't take. But lying here in the morning light, I could still feel the phantom touch of his lips on mine, how his eyes looked at me with so much intensity I could forget everything around me, and the happiness I felt simply from having him near.
I think this whole situation was not only a way to save my brother and family, but a reminder that I was allowed to want beautiful things again. That I was not the only one guilty of all the misery that happened this year, and that even though I wasn't able to do the right things in the past, I could move forward.
I know it was still too early to tell if things would work out between Kyle and me. I was still afraid that once he really got to see this version of me, he might be disappointed. But something I'd learned from this whole journey back to the past was to try to live in the moment, even though that was extremely complicated when you overthought everything as I did.
I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, where Mom was already starting breakfast preparations. Without hesitation, I moved to help her, taking eggs from the refrigerator and whisking them while she worked on the pancake batter. "You are becoming more and more expert in the kitchen, I see. Who is teaching you?"
Maybe because I've been living alone for about 4 years,I thought with a smile, "Nobody actually, sometimes I feel like some things are just coming naturally to me."
"You're the best at everything you do, Lily," she replied, kissing me on the head, "and I'm not saying that because I'm your mother, okay?"
“I will believe you then.”
This was one of my favorite parts of being back in the past, being able to live these moments with the people I loved again. Part of me felt guilty for not being able to do more for my mother, knowing everything that was going to happen to her. But I'd already made her schedule regular checkups, and Ihoped that would be enough to detect whatever was wrong with her in time.
The only thing left for me was to be more present. To enjoy everything more. Something I hadn't had the opportunity to do until it was too late.
"So," Mom said as I took the bowl with the eggs to the stove, "how did last night go?"
"How did it go? A spiral of emotions, definitely."
I leaned back on the table and relived every moment that happened last night in my mind. I felt my cheeks warm, but I found myself telling her everything, about the party, about Leo and Jeremy fighting, about Kyle taking me home, about our kiss (but not all the details of what happened after that kiss). It was so much easier to talk to her now than it had been when I was actually eighteen.
When you're a teenager, you hide things because you feel like your parents are limiting you, trying to control your choices. But now, as an adult, I can see that she was more my friend than anyone else I would meet, and someone who wanted the best for me.
"I'm happy that you and Kyle are finally working things out," she said warmly. "I've always liked that boy. I can see how much he cares about you, how he wants to take care of you."
She paused, choosing her words carefully. "But I want you to take things slow if you're unsure about anything. In the end, no one expects you to act or do anything you're not ready for. Always follow your heart, sweetheart, but don't forget to use your head too."
If only she knew how much those words meant.
Before I could respond, Leo bounded down the stairs, practically radiating happiness. He stole a piece of bacon from the counter before setting the table, then greeted both Mom and me with kisses on each cheek.
"Well, someone's in a good mood," Mom observed with amusement. "What made you so happy?"
"Nothing specific," Leo said, but his grin was infectious. "I just feel like things are going to get better and better."
"I hope so too," I replied, meaning it completely. "I have a really good feeling about it."
Dad joined us a few minutes later, and we spent a perfect Sunday morning together as a family, talking and laughing over breakfast like we had all the time in the world.
In the afternoon, we set up the patio to have a picnic with Brandy and Kyle. Leo also invited Jeremy, something that surprised me quite a bit, considering how everything ended yesterday, but I guessed it was a way to ease the fight they had.
I still had that conversation with my brother pending. There were so many things I still didn't understand about what happened at the party, and I desperately wanted him to have the trust to tell me. But I didn't want to pressure him if he wasn't ready yet.
When I arrived last night, he was already locked in his room, and I didn't want to wake him up. For me, the important thing was that everything had turned out well and that we were able to avoid something that I was sure he would regret for the rest of his life.
