Lily: You're the most ridiculous person I know.
I saw Jeremy approaching me,and I definitely didn't want to deal with him this morning. Not after the sleepless night I'd had.
I couldn't stop thinking about everything that happened just some hours ago, how Lily didn't want me to go. How vulnerable she'd been, curled up against my chest, her guard finally down after weeks of keeping me away. How her breathing had eventually evened out as she fell asleep, trusting me enough to let herself be that unguarded.
I could have done anything to protect her in that moment.To keep that smile on her face. To prevent her from suffering ever again.
And I knew for a fact that I'd never stopped loving her.
I knew it sounded wild. Ten years was a long time. People changed, moved on, built new lives. But when something is real, no amount of time or distance can break it. And that's what I realized while I was lying awake in her bed while she slept peacefully against me.
I hadn't come back to fix things because I missed home or because something was pending. I'd come back because she was everything I'd ever wanted, and I wanted to feel at least a fraction of the happiness I'd felt when I was with her. Perhaps my strong desires made it possible for us to come back to the past and fix everything, because it was the only thing that could help me to be close to her again.
It didn't matter what it would take to win her back. My only goal right now was to keep her. To prove I could be the person she needed, the person she deserved.
"Prettyyyyyyyyyyyy boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
Jeremy's voice echoed across the school hallway, and I knew what was coming from the moment I saw his wide grin and the way he practically bounced toward me.
"Good morning, Jeremy."
"No, no good morning. Tell me everything. Even the dirtiest details. I feel like a proud mama bird watching her baby take flight."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your first time. Don't play dumb. I'm old enough to know what a guy does when he sneaks off to the room of a girl he loves at night."
My face heated instantly. "What? No, Jeremy. Nothing like what you think happened."
Nothing had happened. We'd just talked, and then she'd fallen asleep in my arms, and I'd spent the rest of the nightstaring at the ceiling, hyperaware of every breath she took, every small movement she made, terrified that if I moved wrong, she'd wake up and realize she'd let me get too close.
"Didn't you have a night of passion after getting her to open up to you?" His eyebrows waggled suggestively.
I felt my cheeks heat up at the thought. If there was one thing I definitely wasn't thinking about, it was that. Well, that was a lie. I'd thought about it. But in the way you think about something impossible and beautiful that you'd never actually pursue because it would ruin everything. "Of course not. We just talked. I followed your advice and tried to be what she needed. It worked like a charm."
We started walking towards our respective classrooms while we continued talking.
"See? I told you! I'm the absolute best when it comes to matters of the heart." Jeremy preened, pleased with himself.
I tried to compose myself and focus on what truly mattered. "But enough about me. Now it's your turn. When are you going to confess your feelings to your forbidden secret crush?"
"Are you crazy? Never. I only said that to encourage you to take the next step. And it worked beautifully. A little extra motivation is always necessary in these cases."
This couldn't be happening to me. I got played by a teenager. I took a deep breath and tried again. "That wasn't the deal, Jeremy. Don't you trust me? I promise you, whatever you tell me will stay between us. I'm not one to judge anyone, and?—"
"What are you trying to tell me, Kyle?" His voice had shifted, becoming more guarded.
"Well, if you like Leo, that's fine. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Jeremy stopped walking so abruptly that I nearly crashed into him. "Why do you think I like Leo?"
Because it was the obvious answer. Because in three weeks, you'll be inconsolable when he's taken away. Because you're the main reason this whole disaster unfolds. Because without you making a scene at that party, none of this would have happened.
But I couldn't say any of that.
"You're quite close," I said weakly.
"So? We're friends. That has nothing to do with anything."
