CHAPTER 21
Lily
Lily: I finally made a little progress with Leo today, but I still feel like we're not getting anywhere. I'm getting frustrated.
Kyle: Would you like to talk about it?
Lily: Not really.
Kyle: Don't care. I'll go anyway, even if you just want to be in silence.
I couldn't sleep.
Three weeks. That's all the time we had left until February 14th, and I felt like I was running out of options. Every day that passed without significant progress with Leo was another day closer to the party that would destroy everything. And every day that passed without achieving anything filled my mind with a little more anxiety and stress in the process.
I'd been staring at the ceiling for hours, my mind racing through every conversation I'd had with my brother, analyzingevery word, every hesitation, every missed opportunity. Was I pushing too hard? Not hard enough? Maybe I was approaching this all wrong. Maybe?—
A soft tapping at my window broke through my spiraling thoughts.
I froze, listening. There it was again. Three gentle taps against the glass.
I slipped out of bed and went to the window, pulling the curtain back just enough to peek outside. My heart jumped when I saw Kyle, his hands wrapped around the old ivy vine he’d climbed.
I opened the window, trying to be as quiet as possible. "What are you doing here? Are you crazy?" I whispered, glancing toward my bedroom door. "You could get me in trouble."
"You sounded pretty bad from the texts, and I didn't want to leave you alone, even though you told me you didn't want to talk about it," he whispered back, his hands finding better purchase on the thicker parts of the vine. "Help me up."
Something in my chest eased when he said that. He’d come anyway. Even after I pushed him away, even after I kept insisting I was fine, he saw right through me and still showed up.
I leaned out the window, extending my hand to him. He reached up, his fingers intertwining with mine as he used the leverage to hoist himself higher. The vine creaked softly under his weight but held firm. With one final pull, he managed to get his leg over the windowsill.
We crashed onto my bedroom floor in a messy tangle of arms and legs, both of us trying desperately to contain our laughter. Kyle was breathing hard from the climb, his hair disheveled, and a grin plastered across his face. The sound of his laughter mixed with mine felt like we were kids again for a moment.
"You know," I whispered, still catching my breath, "you could have gotten in through the kitchen door. It's far enough away from the rest of the house that you wouldn't be caught."
"That information would have been very useful three and a half minutes ago," he replied, running a hand through his messy hair.
We lay there on the floor in silence, looking at each other in the dim light filtering through my window. His face was only inches from mine, close enough that I could count the flecks of gold in his blue-green eyes, close enough that I could feel the warmth of his breath.
Something had shifted between us over these past few weeks, something I wasn't ready to name. Every day, despite my best efforts to keep him as far away from me as possible, Kyle had found ways to be there. He was as invested in making sure everything worked out as I was, something I didn't expect from our first conversation, slowly proving that he could be the person I needed him to be, even when I was too scared to admit I needed anyone at all.
"I know you told me you didn't want to talk about your progress with your brother," he said softly, "but I'd like to say a few words to you."
I nodded, turning onto my side to face him fully.
"You're pushing yourself too hard, Lily. The problem is that you're always trying to be perfect and control everything, which is why you don't notice the progress you're making. You told me you were finally able to talk about personal things the other day. That's progress, Lily. It's just that you're so focused on trying to speed things up that you don't see it." His voice was gentle but firm. "You are doing well. Things will turn out all right."
"And how are you so sure that everything will be okay?"
"I'm not," he admitted. "But if we didn't know we had at least a small chance of this working, we wouldn't be doing anyof this, so I prefer to hold on to that hope. There's nothing wrong with having faith."
"And what if we don't make it then?"
"We try again and again. That's the good thing about life, Lily; as long as we're alive, we can keep trying until we get it right."
I stared at him, amazed once again by his ability to find the right words when everything felt impossible. How did he always know exactly what to say, even in moments where there didn't seem to be a clear answer? It was one of the things I'd forgotten about him, this wisdom and control that had always balanced out my tendency to spiral.
"I think this counts as the breakthrough Jeremy told me I needed to make with you," he said with a mischievous smile. "If you'll excuse me, I have to send him a picture of where I am."
