Ezra raised his hands in surrender and exchanged a look with his friend.
She tried to ground herself back in the moment, focusing on what was happening in the here and now. It was so fucking hard when she could feel the spiral—the agonizing pull whenever she allowed the memories space in her mind. It took forever in therapy to learn how to recognize it. In the moment, it feels like your brain is on fire and you have to rush to smother it before it spreads.
Maybe I’m not ready to be with anyone yet.
As long as everything stayed calm, it would be okay.
The van hit a large bump, and they swerved off to the right, just barely stopping before driving straight into a thick oak tree.
“Fuck!” Ryker shouted, his hands gripped tightly around the steering wheel.
“What the hell! What did you do to my van?” Ezra shot out of the vehicle, searching for evidence of damage.
Willow stayed put. There was nothing she could do in a situation like this.
Ryker rolled out of the driver’s seat and slammed his door before rounding the van to confront Ezra. “I didn’t do shit! There was something in the road.”
“Yeah? Well maybe you should have been paying attention instead of staring at Willow.”
Ryker’s brows flew up. “The fuck are you saying?”
And there it was, the fight she had been dreading. The one she had been expecting at this point. Her heart rate kicked up again; the previous efforts to calm down had been squashed. There was no escaping. They were going to be the same. She was going to end up broken again.
Her hands trembled as she grabbed onto the door handle. They were still yelling and had now moved within each other’s faces.
No, no, no, no, no.
Stop. Stop. She wanted the yelling to stop.
Hands cut off her air, and she tried to push him away. “Hold still, Willow.” The grip only grew tighter.
She couldn’t breathe. She needed to move.
The keys were still in the ignition, but he’d switched it off.
It was right there. All she had to do was dive between the seats and hop in the driver’s seat. The sliding door was still open, but it didn’t matter. It might shut on its own once she got moving.
Their argument was still going, but it was still just shouts. They hadn’t taken any swings. Billy would have hit someone by now.
She rushed for the seat, heart pounding against her rib cage. This was the best chance she had to get away. Her shaky fingers gripped the key and twisted it in the ignition.
It turned, but didn’t start right away. The sound was enough to cut off the guys’ argument.
“Willow!” Ezra shouted as he leaped in through the open door.
He made a grab for her hand, but she wrenched it away and swatted at him. “No!” she gritted out through her teeth. Ryker darted toward the driver’s side door, but she couldn’t let them trap her between them.
Willow shoved it open, narrowly escaping Ezra’s attempt to grab her coat.
“Willow! What are you doing?” Ryker’s voice was distressed as he aimed to block her.
She faked to the side then bolted past him into the trees. They were big guys. It might be harder for them to chase her through dense brush. They would catch her immediately if she stuck to the road.
“Ry! Fuckin’ get her!” Their steps crashed behind her, sticks snapping and leaves crunching. She couldn’t even think of the cold. Her entire body was in flight mode.
Escape. Run. Run. Run.
“Come on!” Ryker’s voice came from behind her. “Where do you think you can go?”
