Willow’s face was fearful and exhausted. This wasn’t how they should be doing things. Sneaking around like they had done something wrong. Maybe she did regret it.
“For real,” he whispered, “are you okay?”
Her head jerked, but he wasn’t convinced. Not with the way she was staring at the door.
“I’m gonna go straight for the shower,” she said, clearly preoccupied with whatever else was going through her mind.
More shuffling and grumbling was coming from the living room. He wanted to ask her more, make her open up about whatever was bothering her.
And find out if she meant what she’d said about wanting both of us.
Instead of saying anything, he turned the knob and peeked out as he slowly pulled it open. Willow darted through the gap, quiet as a mouse as she rushed to the bathroom on her tiptoes. Her messy hair swished behind her, and he caught a whiff of the shampoo she’d used the day before.
He inched his way out and found Ezra sprawled out on the couch where they’d left him. Ryker wanted to wake him up so they could talk while she was out of the room. But he wasn’t sure what he would say anyway. “Hey, I fucked the girl we kidnapped and almost murdered. She said she wants to date both of us.”
It would never work.
Chapter 22
Willow
What the fuck did I do? Why thefuckwould I do this?
Willow was on the verge of tears as she turned the water as hot as she could tolerate. There was no window to sneak out of, but she wanted to get away. She’d made a mistake doing anything except being a good little captive that kept her mouth shut.
Muddled questions pinged around in her skull, the memories fuzzy. Ryker had fucked her so thoroughly that she was still sore and feeling the remnants of it all sticking to her thighs. At least the dryer had finished the night before, so she’d have her clothes again. Something that felt normal.
She washed the layer of sweat and cum off her, trying not to worry about what was happening on the other side of the door. She’d thought Ryker would be the gentle type, considering how he’d treated her leading up to it. His large hands had been so tender and careful—every movement filled with intention.
But there was a dark side to him, and she fucking loved it. The way he’d pinned her down and punished her was a thrill she hadn’t experienced before.
That warning bell in the back of her mind wouldn’t stop, though. The one that told her they were bad news. She was getting herself right back into a bad situation. A sinister voice whispered more things: damaged, broken, doomed. She would always make the same mistakes. Always pick what would break her until she was nothing again.
“You’re a stupid bitch, Willow. If it wasn’t for your dad, I would fucking dump you.”
Her chest tightened. She braced herself on the tile wall in the shower, the hot spray of water mingling with every unpleasant feeling taking over her senses. The droplets pummeled her skin—all too familiar and unwelcome.
It’s the past. It’s the past. It’s the past.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
She worked on her toes and fingers, grounding herself in the present. That’s what her old therapist had told her to do. The one who didn’t question her after the accident. She’d stopped going to the sessions due to money and needing physical therapy more. Once she’d started the hacking scams, she decided not to go again, though. The breathing exercises worked well enough, and she didn’t want to talk about the same things repeatedly.
Landon was a good friend to have. He’d always been there when she needed some human presence. She didn’t dump all her sad crap on him, but there were enough things in the layers for him to parse out. Plus, he could read the news articles about it. His help in getting involved with hacking had been completely unexpected, and she had no idea how to pay him back.
“Help someone else.”That had been his only response.
So she did. She used her knowledge and skills to help others. Why should people like Selene from work have to risk bankruptcy because they dislocated their knee? There was no reason for healthcare to be the way it was—cruel and greedy.
Thumps could be heard outside the bathroom, but they didn’t sound like fighting or anything serious. Probably just the guys fumbling around.
At least her head was all right, if a little fuzzy. She hadn’t been drunk when she had sex with Ryker, but the buzz had definitely lowered her walls. The end of the night, wrapped in his embrace, was when things became unclear. She had faint memories of telling Ryker that she wanted both of them. Surely, if she’d said something like that, he would’ve flipped out, right?
Willow breathed deep, trying to stay centered in all the emotional upheaval. Her previous attempts at relationships after Billy had been guarded disasters, and hook-ups mediocre at best. These two had been able to get under her skin, though. They’d found their way into her mind. That’s what scared her the most. The way they could break down her barriers.
Would it be so bad? She wasn’t sure. But she was scared. Scared of the possibility of now being hurt by two men when only one had caused so much pain in the past.
She switched off the shower and climbed out, wrapping her towel from the previous day around herself. As she dressed, she tried to listen for hints at what was going on out there. There was no way Ryker would say something. At least not now, while they were trapped.
