Dressed in our finest costumes, we encountered scads of kids running around, all of them delighted by a handful of candy. Decker and Karlsson brought their kids by to check out our decorations and to laugh at our costumes. Neither of them wore them. Assholes. I was sure photos were going to hit the team group chat.
Luca looked happy as he leaned down and spoke to all the younger ones, complimenting or asking questions about their costumes as he dished out candy by the handful. They were as enamored with him as I was. Karlsson warned me that the bigger kids would flock to my house now that the word was out that I lived in the neighborhood. The Nighthawks’ social media team made sure we were plastered everywhere. So we divided and conquered hours of the candy rush, and it was fantastic. The happiness that radiated from him was priceless.
We followed suit with our neighbors and extinguished the lights when the night was officially over. It was chilly, but we stood on the front steps and listened to kids laughing in the distance. Luca stood on the step below mine while I wrapped my rabbit arms around him. “This was fun.”
Luca’s carrot body shook. “It was. Best Halloween I’ve ever had. I’m glad you wanted to do it.”
Standing outside on the steps, I had a thought. “How fun would it be to embarrass our kids one day with costumes like this? I mean, if you want kids one day.”
He turned in my arms, his handsome face beaming up at me. He was allowing himself to dream with me. “Maybe, but that’s a scary thought.”
“Why? You looked like you were having fun tonight with the littles.”
He looked out across the lawn as if he were seeing it. “I did, but I wasn’t in charge of their life, just their candy haul.”
I snickered. “True.”
He exhaled heavily. “It’s not something you consider when your own childhood was a nightmare.”
“I understand that, but wouldn’t it be good to change someone’s world? To take some little person out of a bad situation, and give them a better life?”
“Yeah, that would be great.”
Tightening my hold, I leaned into him. “I want that with you, Luca. I’m terrified as well.”
“Of what?”
“Being like my father. What if I’m not good at it?”
His carrot arms went around me. “You will be. I know it.” He rubbed his hands over my arms. “Have you ever talked to him about how you feel?”
I grunted a humorless laugh. “No. I’ve spent the last few years actively avoiding him.”
“Maybe you should hear what he has to say. Then decide how you feel. At least you’ll know. We can’t live our lives looking in the rearview mirror, because you’ll never move forward.”
“Maybe.”
“You’re not your parents, Axel. From what I’ve seen, you’re the best of both.”
I wanted to believe him. But what if he was wrong?
Chapter 33
Luca
The chill of late fall rolled in. I was busier than ever, but after how Axel took care of me after Claudette died and the fun we’d had on Halloween, I was trying to make him more of a priority. The Nighthawks were doing well, and tickets became a hot commodity.
Axel had given me access to the family box, where the wives and girlfriends congregated, but I was more comfortable sitting in his seats. I’d invited John to come with me, but he couldn’t get off work. So I invited Caden. Axel often showed up to our study sessions with coffee and snacks. He would hug me, then whisper in my ear that I was his, and my friend better remember that. It always made me smile. Feeling wanted created all kinds of illusions in my head.
We made our way to our seats on the opposite side of the Nighthawks’ bench. We had a clear view of the ice from where we were seated. Some of the wives had their kids standing at the glass to see their fathers as they warmed up. Jenna Karlsson had their boys down there, and every time Anders skated by, he’d stop and say something to them. Both boys wore kid-sized jerseys with their surname on the back.
Caden noticed me watching and elbowed me. “That might be you one day.”
I blushed. My first reaction was to say no, that wasn’t for me. But after our discussion on Halloween, it could be. “Maybe. You never know.”
“If a man looked at me the way he looks at you, I would turn into a monkey and climb him like a tree.”
“Like what?”
