“I’ll see what I can do. But I can’t make any promises.”
The more time I spent with Luca, the more obsessed I became with protecting him. I was addicted to the way his smile chased away the cold in my heart. I wanted more time with him every day. And if I were being honest, I wanted to be the one to take him the first time. No one would treat him the way I would. No one would ever make sure he was comfortable, sated, and happy. But I also couldn’t lead him on. A relationship felt out of the question, but not impossible. Neither of us was interested in that. Being on the same page should have been enough.
But it wasn’t.
Chapter 13
Luca
August swept into the city, pumping in the summer heat. It would be easy to blame long days and oppressive heat for my vanishing resolve to construct walls between me and Axel. But it was me. All me despite the alarm bells in my head blaring that this would only end one way. Me alone again.
Axel won me over with dinners and yet another property to evaluate. It was enticing to see how the one percent lived. Searching the real estate listing was like living a life I’d never have. So we spent hours hip-to-hip on the sofa, searching my laptop for the right property. Every time I thought Axel had found one, he’d turn it down for the craziest of reasons. “I want my bedroom to be east-facing for the sunlight.” Or something stupid like, “it doesn’t have a cool plunge tub or a sauna.” Like most places did? I stopped sharing my opinion because I thought maybe that was the holdup. I was beginning to think he had no intention of finding a place. Every time he turned one down, I just kept searching. “You know, if you just enjoy my company, you don’t have to pretend to try to find a house.”
“But our contract,” he teased. “We’ll find one. But it has to be right.” As stubborn as he could be, with Axel, I wasn’t alone, and I could breathe. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself toexist under the illusion that I had someone in my corner, other than Edith. He’d quietly taken away little daily concerns. I didn’t worry about food any longer because we had dinner together every night. He always had an excuse for me to come over instead of going to the library.
But something had changed between us. I was comfortable with him, like no one before. I found myself picking up things I thought he might like, and even went so far as to surprise him with a trip to a restaurant in Greenwich Village that served classic British food. He’d looked at me over the table like I’d done something amazing. I hadn’t. I’d just given him some of the attention he deserved.
When I arrived the following day after work, he met me at the door with my favorite electrolyte drink and took my computer bag.
“I want to show you something.” His face lit up like he’d been waiting all day.
“Lead the way.” I followed him down the hallway toward the guest rooms on the opposite side of the suite. My eyes bounced from him to the room before he spoke. “What do you think?
I stepped into the afternoon sunlight, which illuminated the room, drawing me to the windows that overlooked the water. He’d set up a home office of sorts. Everything someone would need. Turning, I looked at him. “Why did you do this? You’ll be moving if you ever pick out a place to live.”
His eyes poured over the space as if I’d missed something. Disappointment clouded his eyes, and his initial excitement faded. I turned to look again, searching for what I’d missed. For the first time since I’d known him, he looked insecure. My eyes bounced around the room, frantic to find what I missed. This meant something to him. And I’d ruined the surprise. One look at his face, and I knew exactly what he’d done.
I stepped closer, into his space, tipping my head to the side. “You did this for me, didn’t you?”
He refused to meet my eyes. “It was stupid.”
I clasped both sides of his face and forced him to look at me. “This isn’t stupid. It’s kind and thoughtful, just like you.”
We stared into each other’s eyes, and all I could think about was that I wanted to kiss his insecurity away. He stood stock still, looking into my eyes as if he were fighting the same battle. This was fucking dangerous. He wasn’t mine and wouldn’t ever be. Sliding my hands away, I allowed my fingertips to graze the beard he’d been growing before I walked away. “Thank you seems to be my two favorite words for you.”
Axel relaxed but rubbed the back of his neck. “It wasn’t a big deal. I just thought you might enjoy your own space to work, and god knows this place has plenty of it.”
“I will, I promise. But do you need an office in your new place?”
“Yes, I will. I’ll use it when you aren’t here, and when you are, I can keep an eye on you.”
The old Axel was beginning to return. “I’m not a child, Hughes.”
His intense eyes held me captive. “I’m well aware, Vaughn,” he murmured, just loud enough for me to hear. Like it was a confession he was afraid to make.
He carefully placed my bag on the desk before stepping close to me. His eyes caressed mine, making my pulse hammer. I was sure he could see it. Was he going to kiss me?Touch me, please.“You look tired.” He ran a finger across my brow and lightly massaged the bridge of my nose. “Go take a shower, Luca. I’ll get you something comfortable to change into.”
Nodding, I inhaled deeply, becoming intoxicated on his presence and the smell of toffee and bourbon, all while willing my pulse to go back to normal. He walked out, leaving meblinking. Unable to form words, I wasn’t sure how long I could keep this up. It was going to hurt when he disappeared from my life. The thought caused a sharp pain in my chest.
It took me a moment to get my thoughts together after he left the room. Eyeing the bed, I sat down on the mattress. A shower and a short nap sounded really good.
When I left the bathroom after the best shower of my life, I found a blue Nighthawks T-shirt and matching athletic shorts draped on the bed. Sliding into them, I stretched out on the comfortable bed while staring at the closed door. I had to remind myself again that our time was limited, and while I wanted to keep Axel in my world, he didn’t belong there. When the season started next month, he would be with the rest of his teammates. Axel was meant for the big life of a professional athlete, but it didn’t stop me from wanting him in mine. In the meantime, I’d accept the comfort he offered, knowing the clock was ticking on my friendship fairytale.
The sun was no longer coming through the window when I woke. Stretching, I reluctantly got up, then padded out to find Axel. He was on the terrace, kicked back on a lounge chair in shorts and a T-shirt. I wished I’d brought my phone with me to take a photo of him to prove he could relax.
Jesus, when had a backwards baseball cap become so attractive to me? Or was it just when Axel wore it?
He looked up at me with a smile. His expression was soft, and all I wanted to do was to climb into his lap and have him hold me.Fuck.“How did you sleep?”
