“Okay. Let’s talk about your preferences.”
“Men mostly, but puck bunnies can scratch an itch.”
I closed my eyes, trying not to imagine that. “Not the preferences I was talking about, asshole. I meant in a home.”
He chuckled again, obviously delighted with himself. “Oh. My bad. I was thinking about our earlier conversation about your dating apps.”
“Uh-huh. You’re trying to get a rise out of me.”
“Is it working?”
I covered my lap with my laptop. “I’m not your type. I don’t fuck and run.” I shifted away, then murmured my famous last words on an exhaled breath. “In fact, I don’t fuck at all.”
The minute he inhaled sharply, I knew I’d screwed up. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I wanted to hide. Once again, I let my guard down and said something I probably shouldn’t have.
“Luca Vaughn. Are you saying you’re…”
I rolled my eyes. God, this was embarrassing. “Yes. I’m probably the oldest gay virgin in New York, and I’m okay with that. Can we move on to house hunting now?”
Chapter 12
Axel
Luca never failed to surprise me, but this one floored me. Left me speechless. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
My face rarely gave me away since I tended to wear the same reticent glare that kept people away. I was finding the exception to everything in my life was Luca. But the completely unexpected bombshell he dropped ignited a low-burning flame in my gut.
“Like what?” Putting some distance between us was my best course of action before I said something inappropriate, likeyou’re mine.Wiping a hand over my growing beard, I looked for someplace to get myself together. This shouldn’t fluster me. But this was Luca. He changed everything.
“I don’t know,” he said, shifting the laptop off his lap. “You just look different. Like you might be sick.”
The kitchen.“I’m fine. Want something to drink? I’m gonna get a bottle of water.” Making a quick exit, I powerwalked to the fridge. Yanking open the door, I found what I needed. I was out of my depth with a staggering desire to be everything to him.
Footsteps drew my attention, but I didn’t turn to face him. “Axel? Are you feeling okay?”
The concern in his tone was going to burn me alive. Forming a coherent thought was suddenly impossible, but not for him.When he came to a stop in front of me, he went back to worrying the band around his wrist. I’d upset him. “I made it weird, didn’t I? I should have kept that to myself, but you have a way of making me talk with a single look.” His brown eyes found mine. “That’s new for me. I’m sorry. Evidently, I’m still learning how to be a grown-up.”
Swallowing thickly, my only recourse was to buy time with my water. My addled brain supplied two words. “What look?”
Luca ran his hands over his head and left them there. His shirt rode up, exposing the barest sliver of skin. “I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s not a look, but a… connection. If I could, I’d shut the fuck up.” His gaze turned toward the door. “I need to go. This is embarrassing.”
Faced with him walking out, I stopped thinking and reacted. Reaching for him, I caught his wrist. Luca’s breath caught as his eyes trailed down to our tentative connection. We were crossing into new territory. “No,” I said, sliding my hand down to lace our fingers together. I couldn’t let him leave. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed. It just caught me off guard. You’re so…” He groaned, making me smile. “It’s okay. Really. But can I ask why you’ve never…”
Luca didn’t pull away, but he didn’t look at me either. With a finger under his chin, I tipped his head up. He studied me until he saw what he needed. Our connection was fragile, but there. “I know it seems crazy, but while my classmates were liberally exploring their sexuality, I chose to focus on the books. I had no say about almost everything in my life. But the person I gave my body to was in my power. My choice. If I trusted the wrong people and let my guard down, I could have lost that, too.” His face begged for understanding. “When I have sex for the first time, I want it to mean something.” His eyes glistened in the light. “Does that make sense?”
I squeezed his hand. The unexpected urge to pull him into my arms again tested my willpower. It would have been so easy. “Perfect sense. Maybe you’re a relationship person after all.”
He dropped his chin and shook his head. “It’s unrealistic to want to be in a relationship. I just want it to be someone I care about, and who cares about me.” He released a heavy breath and looked at the floor. “I’ll probably need therapy before I try that. No one in their right mind is going to want to deal with someone like me.”
I would. I already wanted to wrap him up and protect him. But he was too fiercely independent to allow that. “You never know. He might be right under your nose.” Trusting me might be a mistake, because I wasn’t sure I could trust myself with the growing feelings for him. “I’ve got you, Luca. You can trust me to keep it to myself. I promise.” When his brown eyes melted into mine, I gave up the ruse and pulled him in for a hug. Friends did that, right? He stiffened in my arms. “It’s okay. You can hug me back. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
With hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me. I held him until he released a heavy sigh and his muscles relaxed. The urge to kiss his head and nuzzle into him was strong.
“Thank you for being my friend,” he murmured.
I gave in and allowed myself to touch his hair. “Thank you for being mine.” When he stepped back, I already missed him. That was a bad sign.
“Ready to check out the new listings?” he asked, walking back to the sofa.
