His hand went to my thigh, instantly settling me. “Of course we are.”
I shifted in my seat toward my husband of three years. “What if he doesn’t like us?”
He shook his head. “That’s not possible. Everyone loves you.”
I hoped he was right, but my husband’s opinion of me was very biased. No matter how far we’d come in the four years we’d known each other, I still held on to some of my insecurities even after seeking therapy.
Turning toward the window, I looked out at our neighborhood as we made our way home. It was almost Christmas, and we hadn’t put up the tree. “What does it say about us that we haven’t put up the tree? Our house is the only one on the block that’s not decorated.”
“Love, we’ve been busy. I’ve been on the road, and you’ve been working. I don’t think the absence of a Christmas tree is going to matter, but we’ll take care of it tomorrow. We have a few weeks.”
Releasing a weighted breath, I knew he was right. “I suppose.”
He squeezed my hand. “Tell me what Susanna said.”
My heart was pounding in my chest again. The story was eerily familiar. “His name is Jordan, and he’s six. His mother died from an overdose, and they haven’t found any relatives to take him.” I might pass out. “What if I’m not a good father?”
When Axel pulled into our driveway, he cut the engine, then looked at me. “You won’t be agoodfather. You’ll be great. No one has a bigger heart than you.”
I had a bigger concern. “What if we fall in love with him and they take him away? What do we do then?”
Axel’s eyes filled with empathy. This was our first placement as foster parents, and I was nervous. “Love, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Just focus on today. We’re going to give that little boy all the love you never had. You know better than anyone what he needs. Lean into that, then tell me what to do to help.”
Car lights swept through the car as Susanna pulled in behind us. There was no more time left for second-guessing. I climbed out of the car and shoved my hands in the pockets of my coat. Axel met me behind the car.
“Hey guys,” she said. “Come meet Jordan.”
Axel reached for my hand and pulled me along. My heart was busy pounding away in my ears as I watched my friend open the back door of her car, then pick up the blue backpack. That day flashed in my mind, reminding me of how terrified I was.
A head of dark hair crawled out of the backseat. He held onto a familiar teddy bear, which I knew Susanna always gave to the kids she placed. She closed the door, then took him by the hand. When he came into view, the knot that had been in my throat eased. Releasing Axel’s hand, I squatted down to Jordan’s level as they approached. Axel did the same, going to his knees beside me. I could see the fear in Jordan’s eyes as he looked around.
“Jordan, this is my friend Luca, and his husband Axel. You’re going to be living with them.”
Big blue eyes looked from me to Axel before landing back on me. “We’re happy you’re here, Jordan.”
He looked up at Susanna, then back to me. “My mama died.”
“I know, sweetheart. And I know you’re sad,” I said, ready to choke up. “But you’re going to be okay. Want to know how I know?” I waited for him to move his head. “When I was five, my mama left me, too. I was just like you. But I promise we’re going to take good care of you, and you’ll never be scared with us.”
Jordan studied me a moment, then dropped Susanna’s hand. His shoulders relaxed as he walked over to me. I smiled and waited. Jordan put his arms around my neck before his head landed on my shoulder. My voice broke. “Can I hug you?”
His head bobbed, and the moment I held him close and smelled his little kid smell, I fell in love. Wrapping Jordan up in my arms, I stood with him as he released a heavy breath, like he’d been waiting for this moment. I remembered that feeling the first time I felt safe. I rubbed his back as we walked up the steps toward our door.
“Would you like to choose your room, Jordan?” Axel asked him. “We have a few to choose from.”
He picked up his head and looked at Axel. “Okay.”
Axel opened the front door and turned on the lights. We followed and were greeted by the familiar barking. Our Golden Retriever came loping to the front door, tail wagging. Jordan’s face lit up as he looked down at the dog. Axel squatted down. “Would you like to meet Winston? He’s a big baby.”
Jordan’s head bobbed, eager to meet our dog. I put him down on the floor.
“Winston, do not be rude to Jordan. He does not want your tongue licking his face.”
Jordan giggled and covered his mouth. Every minute he spent with Winston, he relaxed a little more. He was well-trained, so he sat and soaked up the attention the little boy gave him. “Do you think you can help me with him while I work?” I asked Jordan. “He loves to play fetch, and in the summer, it’s hard to keep him out of the pool.”
“He’s going to want to sleep on your bed,” Axel warned, “so if you don’t want him in your room, just say the word, and I’ll remove him. Oh, and he’s going to want to share your fries.”
“I want him too,” he said. He dropped to his knees and hugged Winston, who sat like a good boy through it all.
