“Newlyweds,” Lennox groaned. “Always thinking about sex.”
“Like you’re not. But it’s a definite perk,” Evan added. “I’m not complaining one bit.”
I snorted. They weren’t the only ones thinking about it, but I wasn’t adding any details to the conversation. I’d just keep all those to myself to enjoy.
The five of us piled into the freight elevator the hotel used when we checked in. Fans crowded the lobby if they knew when the team would check in, so we got to pick up our keys and room assignments in a back hallway.
All five of us were on the same floor this year, but in private rooms. Usually, we were spread out over three floors. Lennox turned to Carson and Colin. “I’m begging you boys not to be loud at night while the rest of us have to suffer.”
Colin scoffed. “It’s him. He’s the loud one every time I…” Carson’s hand flew over his mouth again, making us laugh. Some things never changed.
When the doors opened, we rolled out of the elevator and found our rooms. I was at the end of the hall, with Lennox next door. Evan, Carson, and Colin were directly across the hall..
Swiping in, the door swung open as Lennox called out for everyone to meet downstairs in the banquet hall in half an hour. “Don’t be late. We’ve got another championship to win.”
Smiling, I wheeled my suitcase in and sat down on the bed to text Thomas.
With every passing day, our team began to come together on and off the field like no other season before. Carson had the returning defensive players and hopefuls reading plays and studying film of our opponents during their downtime. No one complained. They were hungry for the knowledge he could give them.
And then there was the team captain. Lennox. I watched in awe as his game play improved along with his ability to pull a team together. His style of mentoring could make receivers believe they could do the impossible. I chalked it up to the extra year-round coaching he did with Hudson’s son, Jack. For me, it was an honor to be the person chosen to protect him. That responsibility inspired me to hit the weights hard and to get myself into prime condition to take care of him.
We were working like Super Bowl Champions into the second week of training camp. The mindset was there, the toughness and grit evident on every play, and I was convinced I’d never played better. But then the text came that changed everything and ripped the rug out from under my feet.
We’d just finished dinner when my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I’d been expecting a text from Thomas, but it wasn’t him. And when I saw the name flash on the screen, I almost lost what I’d eaten.
Unable to move, I stared at my phone as if it were a venomous animal ready to strike. In a way, it was. The words waiting for me were guaranteed to cut me to the core. Swallowing became difficult, and the table fell silent, even though my ears were ringing.
“Mason?” Lennox put his hand on my shoulder, making me flinch away. My eyes met his worried ones as my hands trembled. “Are you okay? What can I do?”
Shaking my head, I stood up and knocked the chair over. The sudden noise snapped me out of my horror, and I hadn’t even read it yet. “I’m okay. Stomach is weird. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Hey, if you need anything, just call. Okay?” Lennox’s concern almost brought me to tears.
Nodding, I could feel their eyes on me, but I couldn’t respond. I needed to get out of this room and someplace private to read whatever waited for me. She hadn’t messaged me in years, but I knew whatever she had to say would eviscerate any self-worth I had.
When I made it to my door, I pulled out the key card and swiped it to get into my room. My hands were shaking as I sat down and opened the text.
Mom: I think in light of everything that has transpired, it’s best for everyone that you not attend Madison’s wedding.
I stared at the words as her voice echoed through me. It took me right back to every time she dismissed me or made me feel unworthy and unloved.
Getting to my feet, I whipped back the covers and crawled into bed, hoping sleep would make the pain go away. But it didn’t. Tossing and turning all night, I was unable to eat the next morning. And when we made it to the field for contact drills, I fucked up play after play, failed to do my job, and protect Lennox from being sacked. Failed so badly that Coach Henderson pulled me aside to find out what was wrong. And when he put me back in, I overreacted during a blitz and slammed Colin to the ground in a rage.
My heart was racing as I looked into his eyes. I expected him to take a swing at me, or at least for Carson to do something. But I looked down into my friend’s understanding eyes, and I knew he saw every bit of my pain. “It’s okay, mate. We’ve got you.”
Carson and Evan pulled me up as I hung my head in shame. I couldn’t face them, and especially Lennox. I’d failed him the most. I expected him to get in my face and tell me to get my shit together, but he didn’t. Everyone had gone silent as they witnessed me come apart at the seams, leaving me no choice but to retreat to the locker room and into my head. God, I hoped Thomas hadn’t seen that. It would only be a matter of time before he told me we were over, and I would have lost everything.
I walked the gauntlet of assistant coaches and trainers, water personnel, and PR staff on my way to the locker room. My stomach churned, and my heart pounded as regret for myactions filled every square inch of my soul. Had they filmed that? Would it make the rounds on the sports blogs? How long would it take before Mr. Carlisle showed up to personally release me from the team? Then what would I do? Football had been the one good thing in my life before Thomas, and I’d fucked it all up.
When I reached my locker, it all boiled over. Holding my helmet by the face mask, I slammed it against the wall of my locker, over and over as a guttural cry erupted from my chest and tore me wide open. Screaming, I lost track of time as I bashed it until strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and slid down to my elbows, pinning my arms to my sides. We went to the floor, knocking over chairs, as he comforted me. “I’ve got you, mate. I’ve got you.”
I recognized Colin’s words as he held me. My screams became sobs as my friend continued to hold me as he spoke. “I’m here, mate. Just let it out. Holdin’ back isn’t the answer.”
“I’m sorry,” I sobbed, my chin hitting my chest. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
He squeezed me tighter. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m fine. We could tell something was eating at ya.”
I didn’t have it in me to explain, so I hung my head and cried until I heard him. “I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.”
