Turning my attention away from Bella, I expected to find Carson scowling at me. But his attention was fixed on the water. He sat back in the chair, unblinking, with his hands steepled under his chin.
Nervously, I cleared my throat and shifted back in my sun lounger. When I was as comfortable as I was going to get, I apologized.
“I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. It won’t happen again.”
Leaning forward, Carson propped his elbows on his knees, then averted his gaze from the water to the concrete. My anxiety ramped up with every second that passed, waiting for him to respond. My impulsivity had already gotten me into trouble, soI resorted to keeping a running count of how many times he inhaled and exhaled as he stared at the ground.
Turning those hazel eyes on me, he held my stare and crushed my dreams of him fucking me into the mattress.
“I’m sorry I lost control and kissed you like that. I didn’t know what to do. And you were…”
He glanced down at my lap, but I didn’t need to relive that moment.
I raised my hand, suddenly very embarrassed by my actions. “I know. I’m not used to being turned down by a hookup, so I got a little carried away. I guess I thought if I showed you how much I liked you, you might say what I wanted to hear.”
I stared at the ground, then rubbed my fingers over my mouth.
“Which was what, Colin?” he asked, catching my attention.
No longer able to look away, I fixed my eyes on him. The agony on his face matched the ache in his words. No one had ever seen me the way Carson did. His eyes pleaded with me for something, but I wasn’t sure what.
An answer, maybe?
To pretend it didn’t happen?
“I thought I saw—something. But I’m not good at reading people, so what the fuck do I know?”
Carson dropped his gaze again, then wiped his fingers across his lips. I followed the movement, wanting his eyes back on mine.
“I hate to break it to you, Kearney, but you’re wrong about a lot of things.”
My heart sank to my feet. I don’t know why it affected me so much, because I was used to that.
“Yeah? Care to share?”
He picked up his head and began to count off all my misconceptions.
“First, you’re an idiot if you think I’m not attracted to you, because I am. It’s taking everything in me to stay in this chair right now, and it took more strength than I knew I had to walk away from you three hours ago.”
I sucked in a breath. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. The second thing you were wrong about was my sexuality. I’m bi, not gay.”
I held up a finger, unable to stop myself. “Technically,” I said, moving to the end of the lounger to be closer to him, “I said bi and pan. Even included fluid. So I wasn’t completely wrong.”
Carson closed his eyes and shook his head. “Whatever.”
I grinned and bit my lip. His eyes opened, and went to my mouth as I licked my lips.
“I want to bite that,” he whispered, still staring at my mouth, “then lick away the pain.”
A violent shiver rippled up my spine as I slid closer. I watched him warily, afraid that if we broke eye contact, he’d disappear before my eyes.
“I want that too.”
Carson didn’t move a muscle, so I reached over his shoulder to curl my fingers around the back of his neck to pull him closer. Before I slammed my mouth back onto his, he put his finger over my lips to stop me.
“I’m not finished.”
