Mia pulls in her legs so they’re off my lap, and pulls them up against her chest. “No, thank you. I think I just want a shower and to go to bed.”
I hesitate, turning to face her. “Did- did you want me to stay?”
We stare at each other again, and now I really have crossed a fucking line, even though I meant on the couch, so she’s not alone, so she’s not mourning this horrible, horrible event all by herself. But her face betrays that she doesn’t think that, not at all, and I know that if she asks, I won’t say no. I’m incapable of it.
Her phone rings shrilly from her coat pocket, and we both jump.
“Fuck,” she mutters, pulling it out and hitting the screen with her thumb. “Hey babes,” she says into the phone. “Yeah, fucking Hardcastle again.” Her eyes flicker to me. “Yeah, he took me home. Mhmm… Oh I’d love that actually, yeah… OK… Yeah alright, I’ll see you in a bit. Love you too.”
She hangs up, her eyes not meeting mine.
“That was Char.” She slowly moves her legs off the couch and places her feet on the floor, Tank grumbling as his warm bed moves away. “She’s on her way over. Bringing a pizza because she knows I haven’t eaten.”
I laugh, nodding. “Good. Carbs, cheese, they always help.”
“Yeah they do.” She gazes over at me. “Thank you for listening. I’ve… I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone the whole story like that before. Except maybe Char.”
“Thank you for trusting me with it.” I get to my feet and pull my phone from my pocket. “Well, guess I’ll call myself a cab.”
“Dom,” Mia says, standing up and moving so she’s right in front of me. “What you said, about staying…”
“On the couch.” I smile down at her. “I would have stayed here, on the couch. To… be there for you, you know? If you needed me.”
“That’s very sweet of you.” She puts a hand on my chest, her fingers gently curling around the lapel of my jacket. “You’re lovely, you know that?”
I put my hand over hers. “I do get it right sometimes.”
“Yes, you do.” Mia leans up on her tiptoes, her face so close, so painfully close to mine, and my breath catches in my throat.
She brushes a kiss against my cheek, soft and tender.
“Thank you again,” she murmurs.
“Any time.” I force myself to step back from her, to untangle myself from all that warmth and loveliness, her scent that’s like jasmine and orange blossom, a lush garden on a summer’s evening. I force myself to smile, to hide everything I feel and want, because it’s wrong. “I’ll wait outside. You enjoy your pizza.”
“I will, thanks.”
She’s unmoving as I walk out of the kitchen, down the long hallway to the front door. I force my feet into my shoes, shrugging on my coat, and cursing myself to hell. The cold night air sobers me completely. I’m a piece of shit.
Mia is extraordinary. She’s amazing. She’s fucking beautiful. And while I’m a champion at getting myself into messes, this is one I cannot give in to.
Mia is not for me.
12
MIA
“Isit weird to go to a football game after a funeral?” Char looks at me with a pensive frown.
I shrug, leading her through the rabbit warren of hallways beneath the stadium. “Some people have a Wake, we’re going to watch Arlington flog Arsenal. My dad would have loved it.”
“Well, brilliant, then.” Char wrinkles her nose. “God, it stinks down here. How do men smell so bad?”
“Archie was never allowed to bring his shoes home,” I say with a laugh. “I told him, I don’t need my house stunk out like that, ta.”
We round the corner to the locker rooms, and I bang a fist against the open door. “WAG alert! Hope you’re all decent!”
The team cheers, and Char and I walk in just in time to see Adedayo and Troy Everest dash for the shower room in towels. The others all greet us loudly, Jordan and Ricky giving us wide smiles from across the room.
