Char tuts, shaking her head. “I hope that woman falls down a ditch somewhere. Crashes her car maybe, and just - POOF - gone. No longer stealing oxygen from those who truly need it.”
“I never wanted kids,” I blurt out, my head still whirring and my stomach still feeling like it was going to try to empty its contents all over the kitchen floor. “I didn’t, you know? It just wasn’t my thing, not after what… what happened to me.”
“I know.” Char rubs my back gently. "You don’t need to-”
“But I thought maybe one would bring us together, you know? Because I’m stupid. I was young, and Archie talked about having a son to carry on the family name. Usual loser shit, you know?”
“Yeah.” Char nods.
“But then after a year, nothing happened.”
Char’s eyebrows shoot up. “You tried to get pregnant?”
I nod, picking up the tea and taking a sip. “Yeah, but it didn’t happen. So I went to the doctor, to try and-and find out what was wrong with me, if something was wrong with me, and… And I can’t have kids.”
“Oh, babes.” Char puts her arm around my shoulders. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Because it was stupid, you know? I never wanted kids. I didn’t. But then, having that choice taken away from me, it was… It just felt like something else I had no say over, another Fuck You from the universe to remind me my body wasn’t really mine. I couldn’t even decide to be a mother or not.” I lean into Char’s warmth, and squeeze my eyes shut. “It felt so unfair.”
“It is unfair, so unfair. Oh my god, and you’ve been going through this all on your own all this time.”
“I just felt so stupid. It shouldn’t upset me.”
“Yes it should, for all the reasons you just said.” She looks down at me with a frown. “Did you tell Archie?”
I nod, sighing heavily. “He said the doctors were probably wrong and that it’d happen one day.”
“Helpful.” Char huffs out a breath. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”
“Andrea was just vile about it on the phone, it just brought it all back up.”
“Of course Archie told his mum.” Char sighs. “Another burial at sea, coming up.”
I laugh softly, sitting up to pick up my tea. “We’ll have the whole Graves family in there before you know it.” I shake my head, staring at my cup. “I can’t wait to be rid of them. Just forget this whole mess and be rid of the lot of them.”
6
DOMINIC
My phone hasn’t stopped ringing. Notsince Jordan phoned me yesterday in a state of shock and told me he’d heard from Archie.
Just a text. Just two sentences. Nothing to indicate where he was, or that it was even really him.
But it was enough to send everyone into a frenzy.
My ex-wife had helpfully called the press to let them know Archie had been in touch. She snidely wondered out loud why it hadn’t been Mia who’d heard from her husband, which had just stirred up the media circus around Mia and her marriage to my son once again.
How did you ever marry that woman? My father’s words echo in my brain, and I remember how different Andrea used to be. How funny, how witty she’d been. I’d thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen when she wandered into the pub that night. Now she reminded me of a dragon, spitting fire and brimstone every time she opened her mouth.
Maybe being married to me had made her bitter, her anger and resentment towards the club getting the better of her. The constant fear that I was out philandering like my father had been. The arguments over our differences in parenting Archie.
Or maybe she’s just a gigantic old bitch.
Barry walks into my office just as I’m packing up, finally ready to head home after a manic, unplanned Saturday in meetings with the board and the press.
“Sorry, I can see you’re on your way out,” he says. “But can I grab you for a moment?”
I try not to sigh as I sit back at my desk. “Of course, what’s up?”
