“OK OK, we’ll avoid incest for now then.” Char keeps her eyes on the screen as the camera flashes over to Dominic, standing off to the side of the press conference. “Bloody hell he’s fit,” Char mutters, and I burst out laughing.
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
She turns her gaze to me with raised eyebrows. “Come on now, that man is aging like a fine wine. Look at his arms.” She looks back at the screen. “Reckon they could give you a good crushing.”
“Charlotte Marion Jones, that is disgusting,” I say, getting to my feet to retrieve the bottle of wine from the other side of the kitchen. “That man is a million years old.”
“All those wives, all those girlfriends, come on. The man obviously has skills. And that beard? The tattoos? And he’s about 17 feet tall.” Char sighs as I refill her wine glass. “A DILF if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Oh my god, please stop fantasising about my father-in-law or I will actually kick you out.”
“No, you won’t.” Char raises her glass to me with a wink. “You love me too much.”
“My love has its limits.” I glare at her over the edge of my glass. “And if he does have skills, he didn’t pass them on to his son.”
Char’s eyes widen and she sits up straight. “Now now, wait a second, you told me Archie was great in bed. Did you lie to me, you sneaky bitch?”
I roll my eyes with a shrug. “I mean… it’s not that he wasbadin bed-”
“But?” Char leans forward eagerly. “Come on, don’t hold out on me.”
“He was… He liked shagging in front of a mirror so he could look at himself and check his form,” I say, my cheeks burning with second-hand embarrassment.
Char throws her head back and howls with laughter. “Oh my fucking hell, he what? Check hisform?”
I nod and start laughing too. “And he always wanted me to tell him how good he was, how deep he was going, no one was bigger than him.”
Char’s face is bright red and she can barely breathe from laughing. “Stop, stop!” She waves her hands in front of her, trying to catch her breath. “Oh my god!”
“And healwaysasked if I came,” I say, causing Char to giggle again. “Like, every time.”
“Did he go down on you?” Char asks.
“I mean, not often. And when he did, he was never very enthusiastic.”
Char wrinkles her nose. “He seems like the type. Can’t be bothered about something that’s not about him getting off.”
The doorbell rings, and we frown at each other.
“Who the bloody hell is that?” I get to my feet, following an excited Tank down the hall to the intercom. I hit the button, and Dom’s face appears on the screen.
“Who is it?” Char calls from the kitchen.
“Your favourite DILF!” I call back, and hit the speaker button. “Everything alright, Dominic?”
He looks straight into the screen at the sound of my voice. “Hiya, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to have a quick word. If that’s alright.”
“You’re interrupting girls' night, you know.”
A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “Sorry, I promise I’ll shove off in just a minute.”
“Alright then.” I buzz him in through the gate, and wait by the door as he makes his way down the path. “Evening, Dominic.”
“You alright?” He asks, bending down to pat a very excited Tank. “Sorry to disturb.”
“Hi Daddy DILF!” Char calls in a sing-song voice. “Looking goo-ood on camera today!”
Dominic laughs, his cheeks flushing pink above the silver-white of his beard. “Bloody hell.”
