I had never been inside a place like that before. I moved forward unsteadily across the marble floors threaded with silver. I felt bad even walking on them because of how glossy they were. Then I turned my eyes to the furniture: sophisticated and refined yet extremely sumptuous. Two giant leather sofas were arranged in the middle of the living room with a glass table between them. I stepped in a bit further and admired the glowing ceiling peppered with small inset lights. It felt like I was standing under a starry sky.
I set my overnight bag down and continued peering around in astonishment. I moved over to the enormous windows, which offered a panoramic view of the skyline.
I was thoroughly dazzled.
The city looked like an architectural miniature, the people walking around on the sidewalks practically invisible, no bigger than ants. And the cars driving on the streets…
“The cars look like toys,” I noted under my breath, smiling an enchanted smile. Neil came up beside me with a cigarette hanging from his lips. He exhaled smoke against the glass of the window, his eyes fixed on the skyscrapers laid out before us.
“People are so insignificant when you see them from up here…” he said softly in that baritone that always sent shivers of arousal down my arms. “When I think about how many monsters are walking around down there with them every day, all I can feel is disgust,” he went on, taking another drag. He turned away from me, and I watched his austere frame.
His stride was sure, his back strong, and his shoulders broad… He gave every appearance of being an invincible man, and yet he was wounded inside just like any other person.
His soul was out of reach, but it wasn’t unassailable.
The difference was subtle, but I had taken note of it.
“Why did you write that note asking me to meet you in New York?” I asked him, pulling off my hat. I tried to straighten my bangs with my fingers, despite the fact that there were more important things to be done in that moment. Namely, listening to Neil.
“Because you can’t say that you’re willing to accept me or be with me if you don’t know everything about me,” he answered shortly. He shrugged off his leather jacket and tossed it onto the sofa with a sigh.
He thought that I didn’t know him? Was he kidding me?
“I know a lot about you, though,” I replied, and he gave me a cynical smile.
“Oh, really?” he asked derisively. “What do you know, besides how I fuck and that I got raped?” he challenged me. He stood before me, hands clenched into fists and his stare sharper than any blade.
“I know you have a fixation on bodily hygiene and on blond women…” I stepped forward, and Neil watched me warily, like an animal preparing to attack, but I didn’t back down. “I know you love to draw. That time I snuck into your room without permission, I took a peek at your notebook and saw that you are really into architectural drafting. You love The Neighbourhood; they’re your favorite band. When we were living in the same house, I heard their music coming from your room all the time.” I smiled and moved closer to him, just a little bit. “You’re a reader, and you really, really like pistachios, but I’ve already told you that, just like I’ve told you about all the things I’ve noticed about you…and I won’t deny that I am dying to learn even more,” I finished, drawing close enough for his scent to invade my space. His golden eyes scrutinized me closely while giving away nothing themselves. Neil had shut me out again.
I couldn’t enter his world; he only ever let me in when he chose.
All at once, Neil took a step back, staring at me as though he didn’t know who I was.
Why did he do that? Why did he always seem to lose the thread whenever I tried to extend a hand to him?
Suddenly, a cell phone ringtone resounded in the air around us, breaking the tension. I quickly realized it wasn’t mine as Neil reached into his jacket pocket for his phone and answered it.
“What do you want, Jen?” he snapped.
It occurred to me then that all his other lovers lived around here. I had no idea whether their number had decreased or increased since I’d left. One thing I did know, however, was that my homicidal urges would havespiked off the charts if I had to see Jennifer again. I hated her the most out of all of them.
“Okay, I’ll be there tonight,” he answered, undoubtedly because Jennifer had asked him to go out.
And what about me? Was I supposed to stay here by myself?
Neil ended the call without another word and heaved a sigh, putting his phone back in his pocket. Then he stepped back and watched me with a scornful look on his face.
“Put on something decent and ditch those terrible little boots,” he ordered me firmly, and I winced at his tone. Then he walked toward the door, and I just stood there, stunned and confused.
“Why?” I asked him, bewildered.
Neil turned and gave me a flat look. “Because you’re going out with me tonight. And the shitheads where we’re going lose their minds over good girls like you, so put on something a little bit racy, something that makes you look more like a grown woman and less like a student.” He turned the apartment key over and over in his hand while he assessed my outfit.
He wanted to go out with me? More importantly…would the whole Krew be there?
“Are Alexia and Jennifer going to be there?” I said their names with all the disdain I would have reserved for my arch nemeses.
“Yeah,” he said, turning his back to me and moving toward the door again.
