Well, that was a wash.
I brought my thumb to my mouth, trying to soothe the burning sensation with my tongue before turning to look at Neil, who was gleefully watching the show with a smirk of amusement on his face.
I turned violently red before regaining my composure enough to pick up both plates. I moved over to the kitchen island, placing one in front of him as I sat down on the other stool with the second plate.
Neil cocked an eyebrow down at the charred sandwich. He stared at it as though trying to decide whether it was edible or not.
“It has to taste better than it looks,” I grumbled in annoyance, and he turned those gorgeous eyes on me. I chewed my lip in the exact spot where he had bitten me, and for a moment, I felt just like I had when he was devouring my mouth with his sinful one.
“Hmm…then I’ll give it a try,” Neil said, and I focused on the sandwich. It wasn’t difficult; I just had to keep from looking at his naked chest or ripped biceps, and those unruly desires of mine would take a hike. “If I get food poisoning, it’ll be your fault,” he teased before taking a bite of the hot sandwich. He chewed slowly, evaluating the taste.
Did he like it? Was it disgusting?
“Not bad,” he confirmed flatly, continuing to eat. Well, that was a somewhat ambiguous verdict but not a completely negative one, as I’d feared. Ibreathed a sigh of relief and took a bite as well. The silence that descended upon us was both tense and embarrassing at the same time. Neil didn’t look at me. He seemed thoughtful and not entirely calm. Meanwhile, I was squirming constantly in my seat.
“Are you still on the pill?” he asked abruptly after finishing the last bite of his sandwich. He’d devoured the whole thing in just a few bites, and I was happy because it meant I was taking care of him in some small way. I sometimes suspected that he skipped meals and ate more irregularly than he should.
I took a beat and then lifted my eyes from my plate to his face and frowned.
What did he just ask me? Why?
“Yes, of course,” I confirmed, though I was a bit confused.
“You’ve never skipped a day?” he pressed, licking a few scattered crumbs from his lips.
“No, why would I have? I’m meticulous about that sort of thing,” I reiterated, though I didn’t see what he was getting at.
“You know you have to tell me if you ever decide to go off it or forget a day, don’t you?” he went on, staring deep into my eyes as though searching for some uncertainty there.
“Yes, I know that,” I said in a perplexed murmur, and then he did something I wasn’t expecting. After rubbing his hands together to get rid of the crumbs, he lifted his hips slightly and retrieved his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. My eyes dropped to the V leading down to his pelvic area and his abs, which popped as his core contracted. Once again, I willed myself to put aside the lewd desire coursing through my body and tried to focus on what Neil was doing.
He unfolded his wallet and stuck his middle and index fingers inside. He emerged with a small silver packet between his fingers, and I reddened when I realized it was a condom.
“I always have one of these on me. Do you know what that means?” he asked, staring right into my flushed, embarrassed face.
“That you’re sleeping with other girls?” It was the first answer that came to mind, and Neil must not have liked it because he gave me a warning look.
“It means that I choose not to use one with you, so you have to tell me about everything. If you go off the pill, if your period’s late—you have to tell me about any accidents that might happen.” He slid the little packet back into his wallet and tucked it into his jeans again. I noticed that he did not deny what I’d said before. Obviously, he was still having sexual encounters—albeit protected ones—with other women, and the idea did not thrill me. I looked down uncomfortably at my half-eaten grilled cheese. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. This is the kind of conversation that people who are fucking have to have sooner or later—” I didn’t let him finish and interrupted him instead.
“I already told you, Neil. I want to be exclusive. I can’t take it anymore, sharing you with other people,” I burst out, reaching the limits of my patience. I could deal with the way he dominated me; I could deal with his angry outbursts and his general instability. I could deal with him using me however and whenever he wanted, but I absolutely could not deal with other women touching him and taking pleasure from him the way that I did.
Neil hadn’t been expecting such a confession and looked bewildered. He obviously wasn’t ready for that conversation, and maybe he never would be, but the time had come for him to make a choice.
“Selene,” he snapped back irritably, pounding a fist on the countertop. No, he wasn’t remotely pleased with my stated position or the way I’d cornered him with the issue. I was glad to see him looking troubled, though, because that meant he was actually thinking about my proposition.
“Choose, Neil,” I went on, my fear giving way to determination. “Me or everyone else,” I told him starkly. I had accepted that he would not occupy the position of boyfriend or partner in my life because I knew he’d never abandon his beliefs about relationships, but if he wanted me, even if only to satisfy his carnal instincts and indulge in the physical draw that we both shared, he would have to prove to me that he could choose me.
Choose me above all others.
6
“We had both known what my answer was always going to be.”
Neil
I rested my chin on my hand and stared at Selene while the fingers on my other hand began drumming on the surface of the kitchen island.
I didn’t need to stand up to loom over her; I could overpower her just as well sitting down. Instead of shouting and allowing my craziness to show like I had been doing since the moment I set foot in Detroit, I decided I was going to stay calm and give her an assessing stare.
