“So?” Alex shot back.
“We were talking about power hour,” Cameron cut in, nudging Alex with his elbow. He was pretty transparent; no one believed they’d actually been referencing some banal drinking game.
“I’m familiar with power hour, but I don’t really drink. Plus, that kind of thing is idiotic. Grow up,” I said in a burst of annoyance before standingup and preparing to walk away. A smug chorus of “oooohs” came from behind me, but I ignored them. That was exactly why I couldn’t stand student athletes. They all thought their minor celebrity was enough to get any girl, and maybe that was true for a large part of the student body, but it wasn’t for me.
“Jackasses,” I muttered to myself as I moved through the throng of people. I was well aware that they’d actually been trying to allude to some sex game, and I was happy Ivan had shut them down on my behalf, but I still felt extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing. It was embarrassing even thinking about sharing that kind of intimacy with someone else.
How did Neil do it with all his women? I’d never be able to understand it. The way I was with him was unique, and even though I lost all my inhibitions with him, I couldn’t imagine letting someone else touch me like that.
I looked around for my friends and found Bailey flirting with Tyler beside one of the large picture windows, so I decided to concentrate on finding Janel, but she appeared to have vanished into thin air.
What the hell? Did she ditch me?
I snorted as I thought about what to do next. There were too many people in the room and not enough air. So I made my way outside and sat down on a wooden swing on the porch. I huddled into my coat and tried to ignore the stares from the boys outside who looked at me like I was fresh meat to be devoured. I heaved a sigh as I began absently tracing a shape on my thigh with one finger. A shell with a pearl inside.
“Every time you feel alone, draw a pearl inside a shell,”Neil had told me in one of the loveliest moments we’d shared. He’d drawn that same thing on my hip with a marker just after he’d allowed himself to climax inside me, unprotected. The first time he’d done that with anyone.
I bit my lip at the profane memories that ran through my mind: his sculpted body, the satiny amber skin that could make anyone dream of running their tongue all over it, and his stifled masculine moans—the ones I would have recognized anywhere.
And, most of all, his touch that can make me tremble from my fingertips to my toes…right down to my bones.
My Disaster wasn’t the kind of man to be easily forgotten. Even at a distance, he could knock me for a loop, could make me think the wickedest thoughts despite how erratic he was, despite the terrible things he could do.
It was too late; he was in me.
In my heart and in my soul.
“Hey, Selene. I’m sorry about those dumbasses.”
I startled when I heard Ivan’s voice. He’d joined me outside and sat down next to me without saying a word. He looked at me shamefacedly.
“Don’t worry about it. I know how you boys are. You’re used to girls drooling and rolling over at a snap of your fingers.” I shook my head, and a bitter smile spread across my face as I thought about how, deep down, all men were like Neil. They all valued physical attraction over the beginnings of a real relationship.
“Yeah… I mean, not really. It doesn’t always happen like that,” he said defensively.
“Don’t bullshit me, Captain,” I said, looking at him askance.
“I know you’re a good girl, Selene. I’m sorry my friends got the wrong idea.” He bit his lower lip, looking sincerely worried, and I took the opportunity to study him. Ivan was handsome, the kind of young man to whom God had granted every blessing: a brilliant future in sports, model good looks, money, success, and a completely normal existence, free from trauma or a bad childhood or any obvious behavioral disorders.
Why hadn’t I fallen in love with someone like him?
“Okay, apology accepted so long as you keep both Cameron and Alex away from me,” I said warningly. Ivan laughed and stared at me for a moment that seemed to last forever. His eyes lingered on my lips before moving to my eyes, coaxing a blush from me. I never liked it when a guy stared at me so insistently, and the certainty in his gaze only made it more discomforting.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he murmured in a low voice.
“Sure,” I answered hesitantly.
“I really thought that after you ended things with Jared, you would have come to me,” he revealed, surprising me.
“What? You barely notice I’m alive most of the time.” I gave him a wry smile and shrugged. I was certain that, with Neil still in my head, there wasno way I was going to develop an attraction to anyone else. My Disaster had demanded all of me right from the start, and I had given him what he wanted.
“Is there someone new in your life?” he asked, giving me a shrewd look.
“No. I’m not dating anyone right now,” I answered.
“But?” he prompted.
“But…there is a guy I like, yes,” I admitted, my cheeks burning.
