Not just because of the demanding amount of sex I required to ease my mental conditions, but also because of everything else she had to deal with: the pregnancy, all the changes, the new rhythms of our lives, and a daily routine that now revolved around Nicole.
“You were perfect, like always. Sometimes I wonder if I can really be enough for you.” She sighed, giving me a sorrowful look. She rubbed my back gently, smiling a little half-smile that hinted at much deeper emotions.
“I wonder the same thing. Sometimes, I ask myself what I possibly could have done to deserve someone like you,” I said honestly. It was inconceivable that she was the one who felt herself inferior to me. She had no idea how attractive she was to men, nor how much other women envied her.
“You won’t cheat on me, right? You’ll stay with me? You won’t abandon Nicole and me?”
And there it was: the paranoia. About a secretary, a blond coworker, women I’d had in the past, and women who worked with me or even just near me.
It hadn’t been easy for her to stick by me these last ten years of our relationship.
We’d been through a number of dark periods, had full-on crises, and I had pulled a lot of shit.
There were times when I disappeared for days because of my stupid pride, and it caused so much suffering for her. We would fight and start yelling at each other, and I’d have to pull back to get some perspective on the relationship.
I know she wondered then if I was out having sex with other women.
Maybe she still suspected I had.
And, if I was being completely honest, there were women I found tempting, and there still are. But I’m different now.
I had a daughter, and I needed to be a model for her of what a partner was and what a serious and responsible father was. I couldn’t make the mistakes of my past when I let my knee-jerk reactions and my demons take the wheel.
But even though I’d had a child with her—a sure signal of how invested I was in us as a family—Selene still got lost in those old fears. I never would have made a decision like that unless I was absolutely certain of how I felt.
“Never, Babygirl. I could never do that you. I wouldn’t do any of that shit; just put it out of your mind because you are the only one for me.” I dragged myself out of her and watched my cum slip down between her legs. I continued to stare as I stood up before shooting her a heated glare and leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her mons. And then another, a little further down. Where she liked me best.
I traced her with my tongue and licked her ardently. I could taste our commingled fluids, and she trembled beneath me.
This profane gesture was, in my silent lexicon, a message of my absolute devotion to her. My reliance on the bond between us, the ever-growing attraction I felt for her, and the deep importance she had for me.
Tinkerbell understood this because she smiled and gave me a little nod, as though I’d just spilled my deepest thoughts to her.
“Promise?” she whispered, looking deep into my eyes.
She was beautiful like that, so soft and sweet. She was a woman now, but she was also still the girl I’d met ten years before.
The girl who fought for me, who stood by me no matter what. Who had given everything to me, body and soul.
The girl who had crawled inside me and taken up her rightful place.
A place that would always belong to her, no matter what happened.
“I’m crazy about you, Selene. Can’t you see that? Who knows what spell you used…” I grumbled because sometimes it did still bother me the tremendous power she had over me.
I was absolutely fucked, and that knowledge frightened me. If Selene ever decided to leave me, I’d die.
So I spent every day trying to show her how much she meant to me. Maybe not with words or bouquets of dying flowers, but with my heart, which she held in her hands. It had been broken, badly damaged by the past, and she would have been well within her rights to throw it away. Instead, she had guarded it and cared for it and pieced it back together into something new. My heart was not unlike a mosaic: a collection of shards that came together to create something original.
“Shall we go home?” I stood up and reached out to help her up. Completely naked, as delicately lovely as a butterfly, she rose up to meet me and smiled, full of love.
“Let’s go home.” She kissed my lips, and I slid a hand into her hair, deepening the kiss until I could steal every last bit of her breath.
Because I didn’t just want to lose myself in her body, I also wanted to fight for us.
* * *
Sunday came, the day of the family barbecue.
