“Sorry, lovebirds, are we interrupting something?” Logan poked his head into the room, followed by Janel and Chloe. I automatically climbed out of the bed and stood up, smoothing my hair and sweater nervously.
“Neil…” After pressing a brief kiss to my cheek, Chloe came over to her brother, grinning joyfully at him.
“Hey, kiddo, I’ve been waiting for you. You usually come at the same time every day; what happened?” Neil was finally back to being sweet and affectionate with his siblings. After the trauma he’d experienced, everyone was worried that he might experience a breakdown, so Dr. Lively came to the hospital to talk to him every day since he woke up. He was a vital source of support who kept Neil from falling back into the void, especially because he had refused to say anything about Kim or Ryan. His mental state was still fragile, and his troubles were very much present.
“Hey…how are you doing?” Logan rested a hand on my shoulder, pulling me from my private thoughts. I smiled at him, trying to hide my fears, but I’d never been a very good liar. Then Janel rushed over to wrap me in an affectionate hug before moving back beside Logan, whom she’d been seeing for several months at that point.
“I don’t know, Logan.” I sighed. “I’m worried about what happens next. Neil hasn’t said anything about us or his intentions when he gets discharged. He hasn’t given me any indication of what the future holds or what direction our relationship will take. And, frankly, our relationship ended months ago, and he’s never actually said anything about starting it back up,” I murmured unhappily.
Neil had opened his heart to me and said so many incredible things after he’d been shot, but once he’d gotten out of surgery, he didn’t mention a single one of them again. He had comforted me like earlier when I had nightmares, but he didn’t renew any of his sentiments from outside the warehouse.
“What do you mean?” Logan gave me a bewildered look. I grabbed his arm and pulled him deeper into a corner while Neil was occupied with Chloe. Janel followed us, looking concerned about my frustrated face.
“Logan, he hasn’t kissed me. Not even once,” I hissed. “Not since he woke up after the surgery. He hasn’t expressed any feelings to me. He treats me like a friend who he gives the occasional hug or dirty joke. Have you noticed that?” I continued. Janel’s lips parted, but she just shook her head while Logan’s eyebrows flew up in befuddlement.
“Okay, so, that is weird. It’s not like him to hold back with you, but try to put yourself in his position. He nearly died; he was confronted with Ryan again after all these years. All of that put a lot of strain on him. Plus, he was terrified for you, too. Dr. Lively says he’ll probably have PTSD from all of this, so it might take him a little while to get back to the Neil he was before,” Logan said consolingly. He was trying to soothe me, but my instincts told me that there was something more.
The conflict between us and Player may have been over, but the one between Neil and me wasn’t.
“I think he’s trying to send you a message, Selene. Something like, ‘Hey, don’t get your hopes up. We’re not going to be together because I’m not the one for you,’” Janel offered. She still disliked Neil and continued to believe that he was a danger to me.
And what if she was right?
After all, wasn’t there a small, distant part of me that thought the same thing?
“Fuck, Janel, are you trying to give the poor girl a heart attack or what? Jesus,” Logan cut in before turning to face me again. “Listen, Selene,” he said, resting his hands on my shoulders and looking deep into my eyes. “Neil is unusual. You know that as well as I do. Just give him some time; you’ll see. He’s going to come to you himself and talk things out. Just trust him and try to be hopeful for once.” He gave me a small squeeze, urging me not to keep beating myself up and smiled as he waited for me to respond. But all I could do was nod. There was a suffocating heaviness in my chest that made it impossible to speak.
I had always been an anxious girl, in need of reassurance and certainty, and that need had only intensified when it came to Neil.
This impasse of ours, him being so ambiguous when it came to me, made it impossible for me to ever feel comfortable.
If he left me again, if he ran away from this, I wouldn’t have been capable of moving on.
“Is this a bad time?” Mia’s voice interrupted our conversation. I turned to watch her enter the room with a cardboard box in her hands. She moved uncertainly, obviously afraid of her son’s reaction. I’d never seen her lookso upset, nor so thin. She was just as elegant and turned out as ever, but her blue eyes looked weary and dull.
“Hey, Mom,” Logan said.
Neil, by contrast, abruptly stopped talking to Chloe, his face turning grave and ominous. His lips turned down slowly into a hard, angry line as he stared defiantly at his mother.
“What the fuck do you want? I don’t want to see you. How many times do I have to tell you that?” he barked, making everyone jump. Mia had come to the hospital every single day, but that still wasn’t enough, as far as Neil was concerned, to make up for her years of lies.
“I wanted to see how you were doing. I also brought you a treat, your favorite—chocolate and pistachio.” Mia approached him slowly and handed him the box. Neil’s face twisted into a disgusted scowl.
“Do you think a dessert is enough to make up for what you did? You lied to me for years, whored it up with your lover, kept me away from my real father, and allowed the asshole you married to beat me. Do you think I’m just going to forgive you?” He smiled bitterly at her. “Never! It’s never going to happen!” he shouted. His hands clenched hatefully into fists, the tendons in his neck tightened, and his eyes became two slits of fire.
Mia staggered back until she bumped into someone else: John Keller.
“Oh, that’s just perfect! Now the whole lying family is complete.” Neil shook his head, smiling derisively as he looked between his mother and father. He was the kind of angry that made him lash out mercilessly at whoever was around, but John was not afraid. He just looked earnestly at Neil until the latter stopped smiling.
“This is not mature behavior, Neil. You have every right in the world to be angry with me or with your mother. Trust me, I’ve been angry with her for a long time too.” Dr. Keller stepped closer to Neil while Mia gave him a look of silent surprise. “But I don’t think berating her like that is going to make you feel any better. You don’t have to be like that, Neil. I’ve gotten to know you; we’ve had several good talks, and I know that you can rise above hatred and anger. She is still your mother,” he said calmly as he moved over to the bed. He gave Logan and me a polite wave as he walked past us before grabbing a chair and pulling it up to Neil’s bedside. Then he sat down andcrossed one leg over the other in a show of defiance, as if to sayI’m going to sit right here whether you like it or not.
Like father, like son.
The more I saw of John, the more I realized how similar the two of them really were. They had the same confidence bordering on arrogance, the same certitude. Even the same unflappable, invincible demeanor.
“Who told you I wanted to see you?” Neil shot back at him after a lengthy observation of the other man’s brazen attitude. Logan and I exchanged a furtive glance, and then he went over to put his arm around his mother’s shoulders and offer her some gentle comfort.
“I told myself that. Are you trying to keep me from checking in on my son’s condition? I’ve visited you every day you’ve been in the hospital so far, and I’m not going to stop now.” John threaded his fingers together and rested them on his stomach, with the small hint of a victorious smile on his face.
