“I do have some self-respect. The things I’ve been feeling ever since I met you are real, not the delusions you pretend they are. I couldn’t just slot someone else into your place. But you did…” I felt like I might puke just thinking about it, jealousy tightening my stomach. I immediately moved the glass away from my lips as they twisted in disgust. Neil spotted it and shot me a miserable look.
“I brought you some breakfast…” He changed the subject, grabbing the plate and offering it to me. Up close, I could see that it was a slice of cherry pie. Where did he get that? My heart swelled with emotion. “I asked Anna to make it for you,” he told me, sounding almost awkward. I took the plate from him and examined the slice—it looked so good my mouth began to water.
“Thank you…” I answered, marveling at him.
Five minutes later, I’d drunk all the milk, finished all the pie, and was licking my lips delightedly. Neil gave me a satisfied smile.
“Good stuff?” he asked mischievously when he noticed me staring slack-jawed at him. I went tomato-red as I tried to get a grip on myself.
“Yes, very good,” I babbled.
“I’m glad.” He leaned forward, pressing an unexpected kiss to my forehead. Then he stared at my lips, and I knew what he was trying to tell me without words: He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. He slowly drew his thumb along the contours of my mouth as though trying to memorizeit. He gathered a few crumbs as he went and then licked them sensually from his thumb.
I gulped and shifted uncomfortably. Then, all at once, I remembered that he had slept with Megan, and I looked up at him, anguished. The torment on my face must have been obvious, much like the misery that had been grinding me down for months.
“Whatever you’re thinking right now, I want a full reset.” Neil used two fingers to lift up my chin until our eyes met again. Then, he stretched out over me, forcing me to lie back on the bed. My back hit the mattress as he hovered above. He held himself there, palms on either side of my head. I had no idea what he was going to do next, and the tension only ratcheted up along with my fear that I would succumb to him again.
If he made a move, I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to reject him.
Abruptly, Neil wrathfully tore back the blankets that separated us and studied my bare legs. I opened them to make room for his body between them, and he settled down on me. I could feel his erection, hard and insistent between my thighs, and my longing for him exploded in my chest.
My head spun, my body temperature spiked again, and my knees went weak. One of his typically savage sex sessions probably would have killed me at that point.
So I tried—I tried as hard as I could—to resist him.
“Please…no…” I put my hands against his hips, and he could feel how anguished I was. My soul was already shattered; I would feel so used if he took something from me without being able to give me any reassurances in return.
I could no longer tolerate that kind of behavior from him.
“It’s okay. I don’t want to do that. Not with you, not like this.” He dropped a tender kiss on my forehead, and I was surprised at his reaction. For a brief, stupid moment, I wondered if his attraction to me had faded and he didn’t want me at all anymore. Maybe he preferred Megan? “There’s something else I want.” He ran the tip of his nose over my cheek and then down to my throat, breathing me in deep like he’d missed the smell, like it was the most incredible perfume he’d ever encountered. His wild hair tickled my skin, and his stubble rubbed against me, drawing shivers of pleasure.
“What do you want?” I asked shakily. I rubbed his strong back and squeezed my legs more tightly around him, letting him know that I was there for him and I always would be.
“I want you to make me some promises.” Neil stared intensely into my eyes. He looked like he was about to ask for something extreme, something important.
“Okay…” I looked at his lips, where I’d left a trace of myself. Where I’d given all of myself.
“Promise me…” Neil propped himself up on his elbows and played with my hair with one hand. “Promise me that…you’ll always have faith in yourself, even when people try to hurt you. Promise me that you’ll keep making mistakes, but that you’ll learn from them. Promise me that you’ll become the person you want to be and do everything in your power to make your dreams come true.”
He gave me a small but earnest smile, and it made my heart beat faster. “Promise me that you’ll always keep those ocean eyes so deep and luminous, that you will live your life to the fullest. Promise me that you will stay good and sweet because it’s the world that’s wrong, not you, Selene…” He squeezed his eyes shut as though trying to capture the moment and take it away with him to wherever he went next. Then he opened his eyes again and they rested on me: hot, intense, and gleaming.
“Promise me that you won’t be afraid of anything, but that you’ll stay away from deadly things and guard yourself like a precious jewel, because that is what you are. You are the most beautiful thing God ever made.” He smiled as he rested his forehead against mine, and I wrapped my legs possessively around him. I could feel him pulling away again, this time for good. “Promise me that if you ever meet another man who is anything like me, you’ll stay far away from him. Because people like me can’t change, and you deserve so much more.” He sighed deeply and gave me a silently reproving look, but I would never undo any part of us. I would do it all again in a heartbeat because he was where my life truly began. He was the reason I felt alive, that I figured out who I was and who I wanted to become.
“Promise me that you’ll make love like you’ve always wanted with someone who is not me and is not like me. Promise me that you’ll loveagain, someone other than me. Promise me that you’ll allow yourself to have another chance, that you’ll become a loving wife and mother, and that you’ll allow only the right man to take his place beside you. Promise me you’ll fly high because that’s why fairies have wings: to get away from evil and all the people who want to hurt them. Promise me that this time in your life will be a lesson and that you’ll learn it well. That you’ll understand in the future that the damned cannot be saved. We might need an angel, but we can never be like them. Promise me that you’ll see that I’m telling you the truth, no matter how much I wish it were different. No matter how much I wish it could be some other way for us. Promise me that you’ll keep on believing in love and that you’ll give your whole heart to the ones who deserve it because your heart is so precious. It’s worth so much more than you think, Tinkerbell.” He brushed his lips across my own and shut his eyes, holding back the urge to kiss me.
But, Mr. Disaster, I can’t make those promises to you. I won’t.
Never.
Instead, I promise that I’ll never stop loving you.
I promise I’ll never stop belonging to you.
I promise that you will always be there; no matter how far you go, you will remain with me. Inside me.
You will forever be a part of me.
I wanted to tell him all of that, but instead I just shook my head.
