I wanted more from him. An emotional connection that made words unnecessary.
I knew Neil was the right man for this and knew that he would understand me.
He kissed me back, breathing hard through his nose, and I grabbed his hair, pulling him against me. I was no longer in control of my body; I couldn’t stop wanting him.
When he moved even faster, my mind went hazy with pleasure, fully subsumed by our all-consuming madness. And then, with a liberating shout, I exploded beneath him.
He continued delving into me, and I could feel him laughing into the bend of my neck, delighted to have given me an orgasm.
The first one I’d ever had with a male partner.
That realization gave way to an almost suffocating joy that I expressed with an involuntary sob. I covered my face with both hands, embarrassed by the unexpected tears, and Neil hovered over me, panting and sweating.
“Everything okay?” he asked in concern. I just nodded, trying to hide my weakness from him. But he was suspicious, pulling my hands away from my face to look closely and make sure. His eyes softened, and he wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb, fully aware that he was the source of these new and wonderful emotions.
“Have you never climaxed with the other men?” he guessed. My heart was pounding in my chest. I wasn’t accustomed to spilling my secrets, but I had lowered all my defenses to him.
I shook my head. It had never happened with the others because I hadn’t been able to trust them. I never felt entirely safe when I was with a man before, nor did I feel certain of their good souls.
Just before we started, I’d told him that I love anything with a soul, but I’d forgotten to specify that the soul also had to be a pure, honest, and noble one.
Like his.
It occurred to me then that he’d made sure I was fulfilled but hadn’t worried about his own pleasure. I knew that Neil hadn’t come yet, and I wanted to give him that. I didn’t say anything, just moved my pelvis, urging him to continue.
He watched me first in confusion, then with understanding as he began to drive more powerfully into me.
I gave myself over to his storm, letting myself be struck by his lightning. He caressed my thigh with one hand, and I squeezed him between my knees to show him that it was all okay. He could take from me what he’d already given.
I was worn-out from his strong, powerful thrusts when I finally heard that long, profoundly male groan of release. He was right at the edge.
All at once, he pulled out of me and orgasmed on me, painting my stomach with long, hot streams.
I’d thought he might come inside me, but I supposed he wasn’t quite ready to share that kind of intimacy. For someone like him, it would have been a massive show of trust, and, knowing how guarded he was, I knew he would need time before he could let go like that.
He collapsed on me and pressed his forehead against the pillow as he tried to catch his breath. I could feel his heart pounding as I was crushed beneath his weight, unable to move or breathe. I felt like I’d been split in two, completely shattered, and yet it was the best experience I’d ever had with a man in my entire life.
“Thanks,” I murmured, incredulous, exhausted, and satiated. A mild numbness spread throughout my muscles, and my eyelids drooped. My body had just released an enormous amount of the suffering, fear, and pain that had kept me tied down for far too long. Neil rolled over next to me, and I felt the cold as he put distance between us. I turned my head to look at him. He laid completely still, staring up at the ceiling. His plush lips were red; droplets of sweat had collected between his pecs. His cock was still stiff and reddened.
All scrambled up and more than a bit wild.
“Thanks for what?” he asked abruptly, his voice lazy, his muscles relaxed.
“For making me reevaluate sex with men.” I smiled. He turned, his eyebrows drawn together. “Relax, I’m not going to ask you to be my boyfriend,” I reassured him. Neil did not look at all peaceful, though. There was still something on his mind.
“You’ve always kept me at arm’s length these last six months. What made you decide to give in today?” He aimed his golden eyes at me. The thinlight filtering in through the window highlighted the layer of sweat on his forehead and cheekbones. I wanted to touch him again and seek out some of his warmth, but I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.
“Because I realized that I could trust you. It was never easy being with a man after the assault I endured,” I admitted plainly. I was still reckoning with the psychological fallout from that cursed time with Ryan, which had cut so deeply into my soul. I’d built a suit of steel armor around myself to protect me from everyone else.
I had always thought of myself as a strong, brave person, but like every human being, I had my vulnerabilities and my fears. I hadn’t thought I was capable of feeling new emotions. My heart had been worn-out and drained for so long that I thought it would be impossible for me to experience true physical and emotional understanding with another person, man or woman.
“You trust me?” Neil repeated, sounding skeptical. I trusted him completely. He was the one who saved me when I was a child. Because of him, I’d never been filmed by Kim. Because of him, the police arrested her and Ryan and put a stop to their cruelty.
“Yes. You’re the only person I’ve ever completely trusted,” I whispered.
His eyes were still locked on mine. It seemed to me that the gold of his eyes always turned more liquid when he was disbelieving or amazed by something. Neil wasn’t much of a talker and not given to expressing his emotions, but I knew he felt things deeply. Even if he did keep them a secret from everyone, himself included.
“I need to… I have to go back to my room.” He stood up, proudly and gloriously naked, and I admired the way his ass muscles contracted with every step as he made his way to the door.
