I couldn’t handle the idea of him out there in Chicago with her; my brain simply refused to process that truth. I pretended it wasn’t the truth so I didn’t fall apart completely—so I could keep on surviving.
On one hand, I hoped he was with her because it would mean he’d moved on and was doing well. On the other hand, I couldn’t bring myself to imagine the two of them actually together.
I was jealous.
I slipped miserably into the passenger seat of Ivan’s car, curling in on myself and resting the side of my head against the window. I stared out blankly into the void.
“Ms. Martin…” I looked over at Ivan, who had his phone in one hand and the other on the steering wheel. He’d asked me to tell her but, in the end, he’d had to do it himself. By that point, my friends were well-practiced at getting in touch with my mother for everything as well as supporting me every day and worrying about me constantly. “She’s at work, right? Okay…that’s what I figured. No, no, I’m not leaving her daughter alone; don’t worryabout that. She just got sick again today. Yeah…I thought I’d just take her back with me. Of course, thanks for the vote of confidence. You can call me or Janel if there’s an emergency.” He hung up and slid his iPhone back into the pocket of his jeans. When he raised his hips to do so, I took an involuntary glance at his tensed abdomen before quickly looking back at his face. “You’re staying with me,” he said gently, never taking his eyes off the road.
I didn’t say anything in response.
Every day, Neil was there, invading and occupying my thoughts. I convinced myself I saw him in every face, in every moment, in every breath.
I imagined I could smell him everywhere I went, even in Ivan’s car.
I let our drive wash over me.
I watched the tall buildings looming over us until we drove into a private garage. I got out of the car and followed Ivan over to the elevator that would take us up to his apartment.
“Are you feeling better?” He smiled at me as we entered the enclosed space of the elevator, where his cologne was overpowering. I just nodded, watching as the buttons lit up with each floor we ascended.
I’d been spending more and more time with Ivan, and I’d told him everything that happened with Neil. He understood what I was going through as well as feeling sorry for me.
“First things first, I’m getting you something to eat.” He held the apartment door open for me, and I went inside. Immediately, I was hit by the clean, pleasant smell of the place. The living room was exactly as I remembered it: spacious and luxurious with a large leather sofa and tasteful decor. The multiple windows offered an incredible view of the city.
“Make yourself at home; I don’t have any other practice or anything today. We can hang out for the rest of the day.” He unzipped his hoodie, exposing the T-shirt he wore underneath. It hugged his muscular torso like a second skin, and I quickly looked away, embarrassed.
I knew Ivan; he’d never been sketchy or disrespectful toward me, but he was still a young man and his proximity was occasionally unsettling.
“Where’s Janel?” I asked. “She wasn’t on campus today, and I texted her but she didn’t answer,” I told him, still standing motionless in the living room.
“She’s with our dad. You do remember that our parents are separated, right?” He gave me an incredulous look, and I nodded, feeling like a dummy.
Janel regularly went to Dearborn to spend time with her father, who was living there. She had, in fact, told me she’d be there today, and I’d forgotten because, as usual, I was lost in my own head.
“I hate being a burden on you all.” I sat down on the leather sofa and tracked his lean frame as he went into the kitchen. He rolled up his sleeves to the elbow, a move I found especially hot. His jeans were tight against the hard muscle of his butt, and his legs were long and powerful. He was a little shorter than Neil but no less fit and cut.
“You’re not,” he said, grinning at me before he began fixing something to eat. Unlike a lot of young guys, Ivan seemed at ease in the kitchen.
“Should I call you Chef instead of Captain?” I got up from the sofa and left my coat behind with my purse and my phone, and then I followed him into the kitchen.
“I don’t cook all the time, but I don’t mind doing it,” he answered congenially. His back was to me as I sat down on a stool at the kitchen island, the perfect opportunity to closely observe his wide, basketball-player shoulders. His back muscles shifted slightly with every movement of his hands, and, bizarrely enough, I found myself considering his masculine appeal. Maybe I was just trying to drive out the honey-colored eyes that had been haunting my dreams for months.
“Why didn’t you go to Dearborn with your sister?” I propped my elbow up on the island and balanced my chin on my palm. Ivan appeared to stiffen up, and I hoped I wasn’t being nosy.
“Because I don’t really get along with my father.” He looked over his shoulder at me and sighed. “He really wanted me to go to med school and become a doctor like him. But I went my own way. I chose sports. He’s never accepted that. He’s never even been to see one of my games,” he said in a low, hurt voice.
“If playing basketball is what makes you happy, then, sooner or later, he’s going to see that you made the right decision,” I answered with a warm smile, and he nodded, seemingly bolstered by the confidence of my words.
Abruptly, a ringtone sounded from the living room.
We exchanged looks, but I immediately had a feeling it was mine. I scrambled down from the stool and ran to retrieve it from my bag. Every time I got a call, the thought crossed my mind that it might be from Neil. Though, by then, the hope of ever hearing from him was steadily fading.
“Hello?”
“Selene.” Hearing Logan’s voice made a chill run through me.
“Logan, what happened? Is everything okay? Did you hear something?” I demanded anxiously.
