“They’re giving him such fuck-me eyes,” I said in a burst of outrage. I rarely employed that kind of language, but I just couldn’t stand to watch some little blond sexily bat her eyelashes at Neil, desperate for his attention.
“Maybe. But you’re the only one he fucks,” Logan answered. I turned automatically to look at him. I didn’t care if it made me look insecure, seeking assurance from him like that. Iwasinsecure when it came to whether Neil truly desired me exclusively. “You’re the one he wants, Selene. He can’t admit that to you, but he does have feelings in his own way.” Logan turned back to watch Neil some more, his eyes shining with admiration and affection.
“Shall we go, then? I’ve planned a party for Neil.” Mia joined us looking every bit as composed and elegant as always with Matt by her side. I blanched as I thought back on the argument I’d overheard between her and Dr. Keller. I watched her warily as she rubbed my father’s back. I wondered if he knew about the connection between his partner and the psychiatrist.
Meanwhile, Neil had returned and stood beside me. He slid his arm around my waist right there in front of our parents with zero shame.
I turned red in visible discomfort.
I knew that my father would never approve of our relationship, and I could feel his dark eyes on me, burning with resentment.
“Sorry for leaving you on your own,” Neil whispered in a voice so warm it gave me chills. He smirked at me, taking note of my reaction.
“Congratulations,” my father said to him. He stared first at the intimate way we touched each other before his eyes moved up to Neil’s face. He proffered his hand seriously, grimly. Neil went rigid; I could feel his fingers digging harder into my side. I held my breath, but, fortunately, he simply reciprocated the gesture after a moment’s hesitation, giving my father’s hand a firm squeeze.
“Thank you,” he said coolly, his voice firm and composed. Mia looked admiringly at her son, though it seemed to me that there was also some guilt in her eyes.
“I’m proud of you.” She moved closer to him until she could drop a kiss on his cheek.
Neil tensed up but did not otherwise react. He permitted the gesture, trying hard to accept it. He wasn’t used to receiving that kind of affection, and he still saw it as a danger. In truth, he considered all human contact damaging. He sometimes struggled even with me, though I tried to beunderstanding and patient. I wanted to show him that the world didn’t just contain monsters and child-eating witches but also good and worthy people.
How could I blame him for feeling as he did? Neil had never known the sweet smell of a rose because all he had gotten, his whole life long, were the painful punctures of the thorns.
* * *
An hour later we were back at Matt and Mia’s home. The enormous living room was already all set up. In the middle was a long table covered in an array of dishes accompanied by crystal glasses and silver cutlery. Everything was done in shades of ivory and cream to add a touch of refinement to the ambiance.
No bright colors, no balloons or streamers. That wouldn’t have been to Neil’s taste anyway.
Mia had designed it all to the hilt.
Anna moved amongst the crowd of friends and colleagues as they stood around sipping champagne and nibbling on appetizers with the bored, superior attitude typical of high society. I quickly gave up on making conversation with anyone and just watched Neil stand next to his mother and hoped he’d turn his attention to me.
I was pathetic… I often felt like I was living in Neil’s shadow, unable to reach him.
“Yes, I’m so glad you could come. This is Neil,” Mia was introducing him to one of her work acquaintances. The first thing I noticed about her was her artfully styled red hair and the showy jewelry that proclaimed her wealth. The second thing I noticed was the young woman about my age she had with her. The latter was blond and swathed in a bright pink dress that left little to the imagination. She stared stupefied at Neil while he reluctantly pretended to be interested in what the older woman had to say. My heart lurched, however, when he took note of the girl’s alluring stare and checked her out more carefully, lingering on the deep neckline of her curve-hugging dress. He lifted the champagne flute to his full lips and took a small sip from it. Slowly, sensually, staring directly at the enthralled blond.
He liked making girls succumb, making them dizzy with a desire that he undoubtedly would have satisfied had I not been in the way.
Would he ever stop trying to mete out his revenge on Kimberly through these women who reminded him of her?
Would he ever exorcise the ghost of that monstrous blond?
I sometimes even felt a stab of jealousy toward her, toward the babysitter I had never met nor seen but who seemed to be omnipresent in our relationship. I felt like, despite all the years that had passed since her abuse of Neil, she could destroy us at any moment.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I murmured to myself, feeling breathless. I stroked my hair anxiously and headed out into the backyard, trying not to trip in my high heels.
The bow at my collar seemed suffocating all of a sudden, and there was a constricted feeling inside me tighter than the pencil skirt’s waistband.
Goddamned jealousy.
I stalked down the walkway and sat down in a chaise lounge beside the pool. The sun had set by then, and the lights below the pool’s waterline alternated colors in a pleasing display.
My first kiss with Neil had been in a pool.
So much had changed since then—Ihad changed since then.
“What are you doing out here by yourself?” I started at the sound of his baritone in real life.
