I’m sorry that I keep obeying my pride, my thoughts, and my…fears.
But I can’t get to you.
It hurts too much.
I caressed her soft cheeks.
“Excuse me, you are the dictionary definition of a human disaster. You do realize that, right?” she answered irritably.
Ah…the girl was truly adorable. How was I ever going to let her go?
“Why don’t you go fly into someone else’s heart, Tinkerbell?” I asked her wryly, breathing in her feminine scent. She frowned thoughtfully for a few moments. My hands wouldn’t move from her face; hers moved down to claw at my hips.
“Because yours is the only one I’ve ever wanted to land on,” she confessed, her eyes brimming with hope and feelings unvoiced.
“You’re going to meet your Peter Pan, and he’ll accept you just as you are. You won’t need to change because you’re already perfect. Dorky and occasionally childish, sometimes awkward or shy. Smart but naive. You should stand out proudly from the crowd and never think of your kindness as a flaw. Keep dreaming and try to love those who are capable of giving that love back to you, of giving you everything you deserve. Because God knows you’ve suffered enough, and between the two of us, I’m the one always causing problems. Smile again and enjoy life the way you did before you met me because, as far as I can tell, I’ve taken everything from you, including that smile. You’ll move on from this with your head held high, knowing that you’ve dealt with worse before. Whatever happens between us, you’ll overcome it. I know you will. Never feel bad about yourself just because a dumbass like me gives up on you. Know that I’ll have my reasons for doing it, and also know that…wherever you go, you’ll always keep a part of me with you.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” A single tear rolled down her cheek, and I immediately caught it with my thumb as I continued to stare at her.
“Because life’s nothing but a con. It tricked me already, and I don’t want it to trick you too.”
Selene had power over me.
Her eyes scrambled my brains. Her smile drove me wild. She had captured my soul, and now she was in the driver’s seat.
But none of that changed who I was.
I couldn’t return her fantasy of love. I couldn’t condemn her to a life with me. A life with a crazy person who belonged with the other crazies.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I felt for her, but I knew for absolute certain that her happiness mattered more than mine. So, I would let her go.
Even if the voices inside me spoke of nothing but her…
18
“I’d been dragged out into an ocean of troubles,
and I was drowning there.”
Selene
Neil and I were not together.
Still, for me, his choosing the coconut candy had marked the start of something. Although exactly what that something was, I could not say.
“Why did I agree to do this crazy thing with you?” I said in an anxious whine as the powerful rumble of his Maserati cut through the air like it was trying to shake the sky itself.
“Because you’re just as crazy as I am.” Neil adjusted the rearview mirror and glided his hands along the steering wheel as though it were the contours of a female body.
“Will you quit telling me that?” I grumped, observing the perfection of his sharp profile. I stretched out my arm and dug a hand into the longer hair on top of his head until those honey-colored eyes shifted to look at me.
“Buckle up, scaredy cat.” He winked at me.
“Please don’t go overboard,” I sighed, grabbing the seatbelt to fasten it and adjusting myself in the passenger seat. We were going to the clinic—I had persuaded Neil to consider therapy again, and John had invited him to come to the clinic.
“Keep whining and I won’t fuck you for a month,” he threatened firmly, stepping on the accelerator to make the engine howl again.
“Bull crap. You can’t go a month without sex,” I answered confidently, a defiant smile spreading across my face.
