Put your arms around me and never let go.
I grinned against his mouth.
When I realized that he had no intention of stopping, however, I went back to following the languid movements of his tongue and shut my eyes as the taste of him flooded me.
He tasted good, like man and strength, protection and chaos. Like him.
Just him.
I groaned as he sucked my lips between his playfully. He was trying to soothe the storm inside and restore some harmony between the two of us.Goosebumps rose up uncontrollably all over my skin beneath my clothes, and I trembled against his chest.
“Want to go?” he whispered before pulling back slightly, and I panted like I’d just run a marathon. I gripped his coat and nodded, too overwhelmed to speak.
Neil stared intensely at me before draping his arm around my shoulders and guiding me toward the car with him.
* * *
Half an hour later we were back at the house.
Neither of us said anything in the car.
Neil had gone silent again, and I took the time to reflect on everything that had happened.
Player was a woman, or so we believed, and we had no idea what else she might have in store for us or who her next target would be.
We also still didn’t know her true identity. Maybe it was Scarlett, or maybe it was someone else. As for me, I still needed to stay away from anything online because Player might still be trying to monitor or record me. That threat, however, felt a bit distant compared to the knowledge that, for all I knew, she could be lurking in my basement right now, waiting to hurt me.
If Player really was one of Neil’s former flames, she would see me as a threat and might be acting out against me due to jealousy or some sick obsessive compulsion.
The more I thought about it, the worse my headache became, so I made a concerted effort to clear my mind as we got out of the car and walked up the driveway in silence.
The air was freezing cold, and I paused for a moment to watch my breath condense in the air with each exhalation.
Meanwhile, Neil had lit another cigarette—he’d already smoked three on the drive back—and was staring into the middle distance.
I waited for him to unlock the pool house’s door, wanting nothing more than to shower and rest a little bit. But he just stood there, breathing in the smoke from his Winston and keeping his eyes fixed on me.
“What now?” I asked him. I didn’t like the look on his face one bit. He was uncomfortable and agitated again, almost like my very presence irritated him.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with you either,” he scowled, still sucking down his nicotine to soothe the turmoil within.
“What are you talking about?” I asked with a frown.
“I…” he said in an uncomfortable murmur. “I want to be straight with you…” He took another drag, and the cigarette trembled between the fingers of his right hand. “I’m not in love with you, Selene,” he said softly, his ice-cold eyes boring into me. There was nothing in those eyes. “But…” He moved closer to me, and with the same hand that held the Winston, he tucked a bit of hair behind my ear. He tracked the movement with his eyes. I tilted my head back to get a better look at him, lingering on the short scruff that had so often grazed my cheek, giving me goosebumps when he kissed me. “It was never just sex with you,” he continued. Those words hit me right in the pit of my stomach; I felt them carve themselves into my heart, the place Neil had wounded most of all.
“Which means…?” I prompted him, staring at his velvet lips clamped around the cigarette’s filter.
“Almost everything I have in this life has been taken from me at one point or another, but there was always one precious thing that I held on to. One thing I guarded jealously. Something I don’t give away to anyone, especially not to women because too many of them are cruel, and I would never give them another weapon to use against me…” He exhaled his smoke upward for my sake before returning his gaze to me.
“I don’t understand,” I admitted.
“You were the first person—the only person—to ever see all of my soul, and it’ll probably stay that way,” he said softly, putting out the cigarette after one last drag. I smiled because I heard the encouraging truth beneath his words, but he remained grave, like he still considered it a misstep, giving himself to me. I moved closer to him and slid my hands underneath his coat to wrap around his warm, sweater-clad waist.
He didn’t pull away; he allowed himself to be touched without complaint.
“So what?” I looked up at him—if I’d been a bit taller, I could have reached his lips and shut him up with a kiss.
“Do you know why I’ve always thought of you as my Neverland?” he asked, tucking both hands into the pockets of his coat as my arms continued to encircle him. I leaned against him fully, and the feeling of his hard body pressing up against mine was thrilling.
