“Selene…what happened to you?” Janelle asked softly. She reached out to touch me, but I ducked away from her. I knew perfectly well where those bruises came from; the problem was figuring out how to explain them to my friends.
“Nothing. I’m… This… I’m…” I didn’t know what the hell to say. A fall? That didn’t sound credible. I’d worn my hair down to cover the ones on my neck, but I hadn’t even thought about how taking off my sweater would expose more of them.
“God, it looks like someone beat you up,” Bailey declared, just as I’d feared she might.
“No!” I answered hurriedly. “Oh my God, no! Nothing like that,” I tried to be very firm to reassure her at least a little bit. Except, I still had that irritating yearning sensation between my thighs that wouldn’t go away ever since Neil had gone back to New York. No, he definitely hadn’t been gentlethe last time we were together, but he hadn’t crossed any lines or done anything without my consent. In fact, I’d been the one urging him not to stop, to keep pushing through until he got his long-awaited orgasm.
By that point, I had accepted him in his totality, even when that meant accommodating him when he was at his wildest.
“Selene, you need to tell us right now what the hell happened to you!” ordered Janel, who, despite not actually knowing him, despised Neil.
“Nothing. Truly, nothing major. We just… I mean…” I had no idea how to define what we’d done with each other. I was in real trouble now. “He’s just very passionate. And I don’t mind,” I admitted, rendering them both speechless. They exchanged blank looks before going back to staring at me.
“So…you’re saying he’s a sadist?” Janel cocked a skeptical eyebrow.
“Or he’s pushing you into unusual sexual practices like bondage or—” Bailey cut in, and I shook my head until she stopped talking.
“No, absolutely not. Neil isn’t doing any of that. He once told me flat out that he’s not into that kind of…thing.” I waved a hand vaguely in the air, and they both sighed with relief.
“So how’d you get all marked up then?” Janel pressed, still not convinced. I chewed my lip uncomfortably.
“I told you, Neil is kind of—” I didn’t even get all of my sentence out before Janel was finishing it for me.
“A brute? A barbarian?” she offered contemptuously. “That dude is an animal, and not in a good way,” she declared with finality, and I grimaced.
“Janel!” Bailey chided her, but she just kept going.
“No. I don’t like that guy, and I’m not going to change my mind. And these bruises only confirm my theory.” She gestured to my arm, and I immediately tried to cover it with my hand.
“It’s not what you think,” I squeaked out, embarrassed.
“Oh no? That dudefucksyou. That’s what he does. And don’t try to tell me he makes love to you and cares about you or any of that bullshit. It is one hundred percent not normal the way he uses your body. You are not a sex toy.” She moved an agitated hand over her black bob, clearly upset. I wasn’t sure how to make her see that her understanding of Neil was only partially correct.
But I didn’t know how to explain this thing between us.
“No, Janel,” I murmured, tracking her with my eyes as she leaped to her feet, furious. “I promise you, he hasn’t done anything against my will. And I like the way he…” I turned my face down, incredibly uncomfortable.
“The way he…?” Bailey prompted, and I took a deep breath.
“The way he dominates me, basically.” I cleared my throat and rubbed my hands against my jeans. I couldn’t fully explain that bizarre idea nor the reason for the changes that seemed to be happening inside me. Who knew what my friends would think of this confession?
“Hold on… Explain more,” Janel demanded.
“The last time we…” I glanced at both of them before continuing, with difficulty. “Okay, so, the last time he was here, I had this very intense experience…” I bit the inside of my cheek and prayed that this time they would understand, but, if anything, they just looked even more bewildered and confused.
“You mean…you got turned on because it was rough?” Bailey tilted her head to one side, and I blushed violently. All I wanted to do was end this conversation as quickly as possible.
“Maybe. Probably. I mean…yes?” I admitted breathlessly. My face felt like it was on fire. “The sex is always great with Neil. He thinks about my pleasure every time; he’s not selfish at all. And I’ve gotten used to the way he is. He’s never been gentle, except for that first time. The first time that I remember, I mean,” I specified, thinking of what I considered to be our first “official” time, in my bedroom. Neil had been passionate but also respectful and extremely controlled.
“So you’re saying that it’s never been sweet, never been kind, and that…” Bailey paused and looked at Janel.
“That you like it rough, basically?” Janel continued.
Hearing it said aloud gave me pause. I had always been so sure that, someday, I would fall in love with my soulmate Prince Charming and that I’d give my virginity to him on a bed strewn with rose petals, surrounded by scented candles. Instead, I’d fallen for the allure of the dark knight and had only just recently realized how much I liked it when he mastered me.
“Oh my God.” Bailey burst into laughter while Janel remained stone-faced.She even put her hands on her hips and gave me a stern look. “Oh come on, it’s funny!” Bailey chucked a pillow at her, but Janel didn’t even flinch. “The boy knows how to lay pipe. Congrats, Selene,” she added, winking at me. I barely restrained my own laughter, pleased that she at least understood.
“I don’t think you understand how serious this is,” Janel replied, shaking her head.
