She’d certainly have more things to talk about with him than with a demoted German lecturer living alone with a cat.
Getting comfortable on my feet, Mishima let out a miaow as if he could hear my inner lament. The song had finished, and so had my first—and perhaps last—love story.
Wabi-Sabi love,
Circles never close.
Let’s crash
Our unwise dreams
Against the world.
How to Fight Loneliness
Still sunk in my lethargy, I selected on Spotify an album by Wilco—one of the few bands I enjoy (probably because they remind me of the Beatles) when I’m not listening to classical music.
I’ve never understood why they called their albumSummerteeth, but it’s got some of the songs I like most—especially “How to Fight Loneliness,” which was just what I needed to listen to right then, even though the advice wasn’t a great deal of use for someone like me.
I’m more the sort of old-fashioned man who weeps when he listens to Bach than the type of rocker guy who tries to blot out his heartache with drugs.
Given my pathetic situation, a therapist would say I should socialize if I want to move on. Staying at home with Mishima would only mean getting more and more obsessed with my “wabi-sabi love”; with a relationship which, like a fallen leaf, would never come back to life.
It’s not easy, though, to make a list of your friends when you’ve got through your life without hanging out with anyone except your girlfriend, and your social life is confined to a cat and an old writer who’s always busy.
My list of friends would make anyone weep.
I suddenly started missing Valdemar, the eccentric physicist who studied the dark side of the moon. He wasn’t easy, but I often remembered the long rambling conversations we used to have. I’d taken him in—or, to be more precise, I’d let him stay at Titus’s when the old man was in hospital.
One day he vanished as unexpectedly as he’d appeared, leaving behind his manuscript about the moon—and that was the last that was heard of him. I could find no trace of him on social media, not even on LinkedIn, because it was ages since Valdemar had had a job.
Lost in combat.
Is that how things were going to end up with Gabriela? The fact that we hadn’t lived together had the advantage that I had nothing belonging to her in my flat, except for a vase which no longer existed. Whether she came back from Paris or not, she might also disappear from my life. Trying to keep these dismal thoughts at bay, I answered Daniel Lumbreras’ long message. My mood wasn’t exactly lyrical, but I told him how much I liked his email and that I’d like to go to one of his concerts one day.
After I sent my email, the hollowness and the loneliness took over my bedroom even more forcefully. That was when I remembered Meritxell. Apart from the fact that she’d been Mishima’s vet ever since I’d found him—and he was already halfway through his feline life—we had a relationship that was something like a low-key friendship.
We hadn’t spoken for almost a year, but I decided to call her without worrying too much about inventing an excuse. As if he could read the number I was calling, Mishima jumped off the bed and slunk out of the room.
“Hello, is that you, Samuel?”
“Yes.” I wasn’t sure whether that was still true or not. “It’s far too long since I brought Mishima in for a checkup.”
“Is there anything wrong with him?”
“Not as far as I know . . . Well, he’s been scratching his ear a lot lately,” I hastened to add. Perhaps we need to make sure he hasn’t got fleas or anything like that.”
“If he’s scratching a lot, take him to the clinic, but I won’t be able to treat him,” she said in her usual forthright way. “I can’t touch cats for a while. Health reasons.”
“Does that mean you’re not working?”
“Not right now.”
Then I realized how absurd this conversation was. You’re a real loser if you need to go to your cat’s vet for a bit of human kindness. But Meritxell suddenly said, “I’m actually very close to your place now. I’ve come to Gràcia to do some shopping. Do you want—”
I interrupted her. “Yes, let’s have coffee.”
“OK. I’ll see you at Café Canigó. I’ve got big news for you.”
