Bracing for the worst, I lifted my gaze and met hers. “Lord Clifton was passing on condolences from his mother. Mama was friends with Lady Clifton.”
My aunt’s lips pressed into a thin line, as they did whenever I mentioned my mother. Her sister. But I needed to assure my guardians that Lord Clifton was merely being polite.
“Well, now that your friend”—her voice dripped with scorn on that last word—“is married, we can put all this nonsense of you interacting with those men behind us.”
“Yes, Aunt,” I said meekly and turned my gaze downward again.
I hadn’t thought it possible, but the tension in the carriage became even more oppressive, each minute of silence stretching into an eternity. I tried to distract myself by imagining what it would feel like to marry a handsome lord who was so clearly besotted with me. When we’d first arrived in London, I’d had high hopes for just that eventuality. At the very least, I’d hoped I might catch the attention of a gentleman with whom I could be happy enough. But with our first trip to the modiste, it became clear Aunt Matilda was doing everything in her power to downplay my modest features. I couldn’t imagine why, since it was clear she and Lord Tuttleford didn’t enjoy my company. One would think they’d be happy to marry me off to someone.
But the only men who’d shown any interest in me over the past months were those who’d wanted to get closer to Caroline. I couldn’t blame them, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed each time it happened.
The only man who’d spoken to me without such a motive was Lord Clifton. He and the other Legends.
I thought back to the way Clifton had looked today. Tall, impeccably dressed, his dark-brown hair making his blue eyes seem brighter. He was more mature than the last time I’d seen him. Not as boyish. He’d always had an air of confidence about him, and I’d always thought him very pleasant, even when he was merely humoring me on those rare occasions he was at Clifton Manor during one of our visits. But now he was devastating.
What would it be like to find myself on the receiving end of his romantic interest?
Somehow I kept from laughing aloud at that absurd notion. Someone like him would never look twice at me.
Still, I would have liked to see Lady Clifton again. She’d always been lovely to me. Perhaps one day our paths would cross.
The carriage began to slow, and I glanced toward the window to see if we were finally home. Unfortunately, my gaze collided with my uncle’s.
“You haven’t had a suitor this season.” His voice dripped with scorn.
“No, my lord,” I said, lowering my gaze again. I’d made the mistake of calling him “uncle” only once. It was a blunder I wouldn’t repeat.
“I can’t say I’m surprised. But your aunt did want to give you the opportunity.”
Everything inside me stilled at those words. I knew nothing good would come of it, but I looked up again. “I appreciate everything you and Aunt Matilda have done for me. You have been most kind since my mother passed.” It was a miracle I hadn’t choked on those words.
He nodded. “This nonsense is now behind us.”
“Behind us?” I blurted out without thought.
“Of course,” Lord Tuttleford said. “If you haven’t caught anyone’s attention by now, it is unlikely repeated efforts will have a different outcome. With each passing year, you will only grow less appealing.” His mouth twisted to one side. “Well, less appealing than you are now. Your father was a merchant. No amount of money will ever change the fact that you aren’t one of us. You should be grateful that I entertained this nonsense once. I will not do so again.”
I looked down and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from arguing. I wanted to blurt out that if his wife hadn’t insisted on dressing me in such hideous colors and scraping my hair back so I looked like a spinster many years older, my coming out might have had a different outcome.
“Your uncle is correct,” Aunt Matilda said. “We have done our duty by you.”
I looked at her. “So what happens now?”
“Now we shall return to the country. Lord Tuttleford will stay in London, of course, until this business in Parliament about the queen is resolved.”
“And next season?” My gaze darted to my uncle.
“I see no reason why we should trouble ourselves with the unnecessary ordeal of dragging you through another season.” Aunt Matilda put a hand over mine, and I congratulated myself on not flinching. “I know it’s been difficult for you, standing by the sidelines, watching everyone else dance and flirt and having fun. I wouldn’t want to put you through that ordeal a second time.”
I said nothing. It appeared my fate was sealed. They were going to send me back to the country, and I doubted I would see London again for some time. I couldn’t help but think of Clifton and whether he’d be married the next time we met. The thought hurt more than it should have.
Perhaps in a different lifetime, if my parents were still alive and I’d had a real season, something might have flared to life between us. But I was no longer the optimist I’d always thought. For now, I needed to survive until I reached my age of majority in just over two years.
I’d already survived two years living with my guardians. I could endure another two.
CHAPTER 5
CLIFTON
