I’d tell him I’m worried about him, but I know he’d turn it back on me.We’rebothsleep-deprived and should probably think about having a proper meal.Instead, I settle on safer ground: our common goal of taking care of Mae.“I’m worried about her.I thought she’d keep it together, at least through the wake and funeral, and then it would all hit her, and…”
“Andthenshe’d fall apart?I thought that too.I don’t think she’s showered or changed her clothes since the night Murph died.And I’ve barely seen her eat, even though there’s enough food in the house to feed the entire town.”
“While you were gone today, I fixed a plate with a few of her favourite things and had her sit with me at the kitchen table.She picked at it, but mostly sat there, staring into space.”
“I did the same thing last night when you went out to check on the weird noise Mrs.Ansari heard in her backyard,” Liam says.“Pretty sure she ate a total of three bites.”He peers around the corner and down the hall toward the kitchen, where there’s a low hum of voices.“Hopefully having Fiona home will make her feel better.Where is she anyway?”
I shrug, dropping my arms and shoving my hands in my pockets.“Beats me.”
Liam gives me a sharp look.
“Save it,” I tell him before he can open his mouth.“I already know what you’re going to say.”
His eyebrows inch up.“Good, then I don’t need to say it.”
“And yet you’re going to anyway, aren’t you?”I ask with a sigh.
Liam studies my face with narrowed eyes.He’s quiet for so long, I think he might skip the lecture, but then he says, “It’s time to let it go and move on.”
Anger spikes inside me, hot and fast.“How many times do we have to go over this?I know you all think I’m still carrying a torch for her and that I’ve put my life on pause all these years to pine, but that’s not how it is.Ihavemoved on.”
Liam holds up his hands in a placating gesture.“Whoa, okay, that’s not what I meant when I said it’s time for you to move on.I meant it’s time for you to forgive her for not being here when Murph was sick.You seem to think she was being selfish and heartless, but Murphtoldher to keep living her life.You know as well as I do that once his adventuring days were over, he got vicarious thrills through her travels.”
“Can you honestly tell me you don’t think she should have been here?”I ask, my voice low and vibrating with pent-up emotion.“Watching Murph deteriorate washell, but there were good moments too.So many good moments.Being here for him was an honour and a privilege.”
Liam steps forward and claps a hand on my shoulder.“I feel the exact same way.But I also think whatwehad with Murph was different from what he had with Fiona.They figured out what was right for them, what worked forthem, and we have to respect that.And whether Fiona has made peace with it or she feels guilty and has regrets, she’s the one who has to live with it.”
When I don’t say anything, Liam’s grip tightens and then drops.He ducks his head, and for one horrible moment, I think he’s crying.Something in me wants to flee, unsure I can handle any more right now.Relief surges through me, followed closely by a sense of wariness when he lifts his head, and I see the mirth dancing in his eyes.
“What’s so damn funny?”
“Nothing, nothing.It’s just…it’s interesting how you assumed I was talking about your supposedly non-existent feelings for Fiona.Funny how that’s where your mind immediately went.”
I want to be annoyed, but his half-smile is the closest thing I’ve seen to anything other than heartache for the last few days.I’ll let him have this win.Knowing he expects a reaction, I shove his shoulder without any real force.“Fuck you, Doherty.”
The sound of his chuckle eases some of the tightly-coiled tension inside me.“We’ll circle back to this some other time, yeah?”he asks, taking a few unhurried steps toward the front door.
“Sure.How ’bout two weeks fromnever?”
Another chuckle as he grabs his jacket.“We’ll see.”He twists to reach for the doorknob, but stops, the humour fading from his face.“Murph loved us like sons, right?”
I frown, unable to fathom where he’s going with this.Instead of answering, I simply nod.
“Right,” he says absently, rubbing the dark stubble on his chin.“We were the sons he never had, you and me.Now consider this: as fiercely as he loved us, he loved Fiona even more.We respected him for wanting to protect us and shelter us from pain—and in turn, we did what we could to shelter Mae—so why is it so hard for you to accept that’s exactly what he tried to do with Fiona?”
My mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out.I don’t have an answer.Liam is right, and that irritates the shit out of me.
“Just something to think about.I’ll see you later.”He gets the door open this time before turning back.“Hey, you know I love you, right?”He pauses, probably because I look taken aback, but then he barrels on.“Murph said it to both of us all the time, without any hesitation or embarrassment.And it made me realize I should do the same.”
“Being in love with an incredible woman and hearing it from her a million times a day probably doesn’t hurt either, right?”I ask.
He gets that dopey, lovesick expression that’s become a regular fixture since he met Josslyn Hazelwood four months ago.“You’re not wrong.”
I laugh under my breath.“And yeah, I know you love me.I love you too.Now get out of here.”
“Off with ye!”he says in a perfect imitation of Murph’s Irish accent.
When he’s gone, I start for the kitchen before remembering that’s where half the neighbourhood is convening.I can picture Mae sitting at the kitchen table while people bustle around her, finding room in the fridge and freezer for the new food that has arrived since I organized everything a few hours ago.If I had the guts, I’d stride in and tell everyone to clear out, and then I’d make Mae yet another cup of tea, get her to eat something, and then encourage her to nap or at least lie down for a while.
