For the first time in weeks, my mind goes quiet.It reminds me of how I feel when I’m travelling.Sure, there are times when I’m stressed, or my mind races as I piece together logistics and schedules, and keep track of clients and itineraries, but there always comes a point where my mind is blissfully blank, and I’m living fully in the moment.There’s always something new to see, taste, and experience, even in places I’ve visited dozens of times, and it’s exciting to introduce others to those new things along the way.
I steal the occasional glance at Nathan, pleased to see he appears as relaxed as I am.His left elbow is propped on the window frame while his right hand holds the steering wheel loosely.I remember when he first started driving, he was strictly a ‘hands at ten and two’ guy.By the end of his first year of driving, he’d gained more confidence and loosened up.He’s always been one of the people I’ve trusted most behind the wheel.
“You’re staring,” he says.
I startle at his voice.He’s right, although I wasn’t doing it consciously.“Sorry.My mind was drifting.”
“Where to?”
“I was sort of…superimposing the past on the present,” I say.“Imagining you back then versus now.”
“Oh, you mean shy, gangly, and awkward as fuck?”
I let out a surprised laugh.“Shy, yes, but only around people you didn’t know well.I never saw you as gangly or awkward, though.”
“No?Howdidyou see me?”
The first word that pops into my mind isn’t one I should admit out loud.It would likely wipe that tiny smile off Nathan’s face.But it’s the truth, and now I can’t think of anything else.“Mine.”
His gaze darts in my direction, and I offer up a helpless little shrug.He shifts in his seat, gripping the steering wheel with both hands.
“You haven’t changed that much otherwise,” I blurt, feeling a sudden need to fill the silence.“Physically, yes.You’ve…filled out.”And has he ever.Tall and broad, with lean muscles from all the manual labour he does.Nathan might think he was awkward and gangly as a teen, but I always thought he was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.God help me, I still do.“You’re the same in other ways, though.Still loyal, steady, and dependable with a huge heart.”
He huffs.“You make me sound like a golden retriever.”
“Well, you’re starting to look like one with your hair growing out like this.”Without thinking, I reach over and run my fingers through the longer bits of hair covering his ears.I go completely still when I realize what I’m doing.“Sorry,” I say, wrenching my hand away.This little stroll down memory lane is messing with my mind.Andmy hormones.
Nathan shifts again, returning to his earlier, casual position of one hand on the steering wheel.“I suppose there are worse things than being loyal, dependable, and whatever else you said.”
“Don’t forget the part about the huge heart,” I say, and his lips twitch.
A familiar cat-shaped mailbox catches my eye, and I become aware of our surroundings.We’ve just turned onto our street.Disappointment stirs in my chest as we approach my house.I’m not ready to return to the silence of my childhood bedroom, where I’ll likely lie awake for hours.More than that, I’m not ready to say good night to Nathan.
I remain silent as we pass my house.We pull into Nathan’s driveway a moment later, and he turns off the truck.
“Thanks for saving me from the rain.”I reluctantly unwrap myself from the warmth of my blanket cocoon.“And for the drive.It was just what I needed.”
He nods, staring straight ahead.“Me too, actually.You know what I need now?”He turns those blue-grey eyes on me, pinning me in place with my hand hovering over the door handle.“A glass of whiskey before bed.Join me?”
By ‘join me’, I know he means for whiskey and not for bed, but a wave of lust surges inside me nonetheless.Something about being in such close quarters with him tonight and seeing him regularly these last few weeks is wearing down the wall I put up years ago separating my romantic—and sexual—feelings for Nathan from my platonic ones.Now they’re muddled and blending together the way they once did.
None of that stops me from accepting his invitation, though.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN ~ NATHAN
I don’t know what possessed me to invite Fiona inside.Half an hour in the confines of my truck, surrounded by her mango scent and the sound of her voice, should have been my limit.Yet here we are, in my entryway, removing our shoes.I take her sad excuse for a jacket and consider asking if she wants me to hang it up or throw it straight in the trash.
“Please tell me you have a better raincoat in London, considering England is famous for its rainy days,” I say.
She chuckles.“I do, and I stupidly left itinLondon in my haste to leave.I found this thing in Mum’s closet, and didn’t realize it had seen better days.”A full-body shiver rolls through her as she says the last words.
Since she put my sweater on over her wet shirt, I’m guessing she’s still damp, so I offer to get her something dry to change into.Upstairs in my bedroom, I choose the first hoodie I see in my closet.I ignore the memories that flit through my mind’s eye of teenage Fiona, the unapologetic sweater thief.I swear part of my sexual awakening happened the first time I saw her in my favourite hoodie and nothing else.The sight of her shapely legs and bare feet imprinted on my brain—and other places—that day.With that in mind, I grab a pair of sweatpants too.They’ll be way too big, but it’s better than the alternative.Safer.
Back downstairs, I’m surprised to find Fiona exactly where I left her.I expected her to be wandering around the living room, checking things out.Instead, she’s staring into space, her eyes unfocused.She snaps out of it when she sees me, and accepts the bundle of clothing, murmuring her thanks.
When she heads for the stairs, I point to a door partway down the hall.“There’s a bathroom down here now.Liam and I installed it a few years ago.There are towels in there if you need them.”
Her eyebrows lift, but she only nods and disappears down the hall.First things first: whiskey.I pour two glasses and take a sip from mine that turns into another sip, and another, until the glass is empty.I refill it and set both glasses aside to get a fire going.
