At the memory of kissing him, my breath hitches. Spencer stiffens against me a second before releasing me. I expect him to immediately put distance between us, and I’m relieved when he doesn’t. The softest sigh escapes him, as if he has no hope of controlling what’s about to happen. The space between us becomes infinitesimal and then his mouth is on mine again.
It’s the sweetest, softest kiss I’ve ever had. When our lips first touched, I wanted heat and passion. I imagined fisting the front of Spencer’s shirt while he gripped my hips, and letting the kiss obliterate all my thoughts and lingering sadness. Instead, I get lost in the gentle press of lips and the feeling of his hands cupping my face.
When we part, Spencer’s brows dip as his hands shift to gently swipe my cheeks. His fingers come away damp. I’m not sure whether the tears are fresh or if they’re from earlier. From the dismay creeping over Spencer’s features, I don’t think it would matter.
I swear I can feel the air chill around me as he steps back and takes his coat from the closet. He doesn’t look at me as he loops his scarf around his neck and crams his arms into his coat.
“Spencer, what—”
“I’m sorry, Hollie, I shouldn’t have done that.” His words are quick, voice low. “You’re emotional and vulnerable, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage.”
“You didn’t,” I tell him. “Iwantedyou to kiss me. Both times.”
I thought my words would put him at ease, but if anything, he’s even more flustered. His phone rings again and he lets out a low growl as he wrenches it from his pocket and silences it. A sense of relief ignites inside me; maybe this isn’t about me. Maybe Spencer is projecting because he’s overwhelmed by his own emotions and everything he’s had to deal with recently. Everything he’sstilldealing with if the number of phone calls he receives is any indication.
When he straightens from lacing his boots, I put my hand on his arm. “I’m so glad you found us at the diner today, and I’m grateful for everything that’s happened since. You’ve made a real difference in Jordy’s life.
This finally gets a smile out of him, even if it’s hesitant and a bit wobbly around the edges. “I feel the same. And not just about Jordy.”
The way we stand staring at each other feels like a face-off of sorts. For a brief, wonderful instant, I think he’s going to kiss me again. The moment is shattered by the ringing of his phone.
Spencer sighs and silences it once more. “I’m sorry.”
I wave off the apology. “Are you coming to my birthday party on Friday?”
“Do you still want me there?”
I nearly laugh at the question until I realize he’s serious. “Of course I do.”
“Then I’ll be there.” He brushes past me, pausing with his back turned before spinning around to place a barely-there kiss on my cheek. “Thank you for…for everything today. Good night, Hollie.”
And then he’s gone, and I’m left standing in the doorway with the swirling snow cooling my overheated cheeks. Looks like that roller coaster isn’t quite finished with me yet.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
On Friday, December sixteenth, I have a moment of panic when I wake up and my eyes land on the bedside clock. Then I remember it’s my birthday—mythirty-fifthbirthday—and I took the day off work.
I flop back in bed and spread out like a starfish. I can do whatever I want today. I have nowhere to be and nothing to do until tonight, when my friends are throwing me a small party at Connelly’s Pub. I wanted to keep things simple, and even suggested dinner at my place, but my friends insisted I deserved something more special than a regular night at home.
Remaining in my splayed position, I reach for my phone on the bedside table. I grin when I see the string of texts awaiting me.
Louisa:Happy birthday, my beautiful bestie! I hope you’re still sleeping and that you have a wonderfully relaxing day. Can’t wait to celebrate with you tonight. Love you so, so much!
Evie:Happy, happy birthday! Welcome to the thirty-five club! Hope you have the best day. Excited to dance the night away with my favorite Dancing Queen. Love you!
Stella:Happy birthday, Hols! This is going to be an amazing year for you, I can feel it. See you tonight! Love you forever and ever. xoxo
I’m a blubbering mess by the time I move on to the rest of the texts. Despite feeling unbelievably grateful and so loved, I can’t ignore the bubble of sadness that sits heavily in my chest. Birthdays are always bittersweet for me. I can’t help remembering childhood celebrations before my life was turned upside down.
My parents always went all out and made sure I had a proper celebration despite the fact Christmas was a little over a week away. That all changed when my mom left; my dad completely forgot my birthday that first year. I would have been okay with allowing the day to pass by unnoticed, but my friends wouldn’t allow it. With the help of Evie’s and Stella’s parents, my friends threw together an epic Sweet Sixteen party for me. Evie’s parents even took the four of us to Niagara Falls during Christmas break that year. Ever since then, my friends have made sure my birthday was special, and I know today will be no different.
I’ve just returned from the bathroom when there’s a light knock on my bedroom door. It opens a second later and Jordy pokes her head in.
“Get back in bed,” she orders.
“I’m ready to start the day, though.”
She steps into the room, brandishing a large tray. “Can’t have breakfast in bed if you’re notinbed. Happy birthday, by the way.”
