When the waitress comes around, I order a Candy Cane Twist, and Spencer gets a hot toddy. The drinks arrive a few minutes later and Spencer holds up his glass in a toast.
“To second chances,” he says.
“Second chances.” We clink our glasses together and sample our drinks. The peppermint schnapps in mine is strong, so I make sure to take small sips. I glance around the patio; the only other people out here appear to be couples, and they’re all snuggled close, talking quietly. This would be incredibly romantic if Spencer and I were actually on a date.
“How is your dad doing?” I ask. I’m genuinely interested, plus the question plants us firmly in non-romantic territory.
A ghost of a smile flits over Spencer’s face. “He’s doing well. Recovering nicely. He’s not happy about having to cut back at work, but I expect my mother can convince him there’s more to life than work. She’s been wanting to travel more extensively for years, so I expect they’ll start doing that.”
“Are you close to your parents?”
Spencer’s smile wavers. He takes a moment to sip his drink before answering. “I wouldn’t say we’reclose. I admire and respect them, but let’s just say my family is a bit of a stereotype of a wealthy, British family: I often spent more time with nannies than my parents, and then was sent to boarding school. I became closer to my parents as I got older, and my father and I bonded when we began working together several years ago. We keep in touch regularly now; in fact, I think we’ve spoken more since I moved to Bellevue than we ever did when I was growing up.”
My heart gives a painful little tug. Longing? Envy? “That’s really nice.” The words come out slightly choked. Spencer’s eyebrows dip in concern, so I force a smile and clear my throat. “I’m happy for you. Better late than never, right?”
“That’s what I’ve told my brother, but he doesn’t seem interested in having a relationship with our parents. We had the same upbringing—same nannies, same schools—but our parents…neglect…” He winces slightly, as if he feels guilty using the word. Now it’s his turn to clear his throat before he continues. “It affected him differently, for whatever reason. Now he’s driven more by money and power than love or obligation.”
“He’s still giving you a hard time, I take it?”
Spencer lets out a mirthless laugh. “He is. My dad confessed to me recently that he’d prefer if Henry—that’s my brother—didn’t work at the company at all, let alone in the high-ranking position Henry feels entitled to. His attitude and poor work ethic reflect badly on our father and the company as a whole. Thankfully, my dad has an excellent team back home, but I’ve been doing my best to help deal with things from here so Dad doesn’t have to, and it’s…exhausting.”
“I’m sorry, Spencer. Not that I have firsthand experience, but I know sibling relationships can be complicated.”
He makes a hum of acknowledgment as he takes another sip of his toddy. “Complicated is one way of putting it. You’re an only child, yes?”
“Yep. It’s just me.” I was aiming for casual, hoping Spencer wouldn’t ask any other questions about my family, but my tone comes out overly bright. When we were getting to know each other on LoveLinks, the most I ever said about my parents was that they were both gone and had been for a long time. As much as I liked Spencer, I figured the whole ‘my mother abandoned me and my dad drank away all our money until we were basically living in poverty’ conversation was one best had in person, not over an app. While I’m grateful Spencer feels comfortable enough to open up about his own family, I’m not prepared to talk about mine. Not tonight.
“So…you said you deleted your LoveLinks profile?” Spencer asks.
My tense shoulders loosen from relief. I wouldn’t say talking about LoveLinks is necessarily safer ground, but anything is better than talking about my family. “I did. I have to admit, my heart wasn’t in it even before what happened with us. I only joined because Evie suggested we try it together. I never connected with anyone enough to actually go on a date. Other than you, I mean.”
The words hang in the chilly air between us, and I wish I could take them back. I don’t want what happened all those weeks ago to become a sore spot or something awkward we keep circling around to.
“What about you?” I ask quickly before Spencer can say anything. “Are you still on the site?”
“No. My heart wasn’t really in it either, especially after…well…” He gives a rueful little shrug, and I smile to show my understanding. “We never spoke about past relationships in detail when we were chatting on the app, but before I left England, I was in a relationship that ended badly. I saw my ex-girlfriend again when I went home recently, and it stirred up some old things.”
Images of Spencer with a faceless woman flash through my mind. Despite the sweetness of my drink, I suddenly have a sour taste in my mouth.
Spencer must sense my disappointment because he says, “Not romantic feelings so much as feelings of inadequacy. I could never live up to her expectations, and seeing her reminded me of that. I suppose I joined LoveLinks in part because I was lonely, which is a poor reason to start dating again, so I deleted the app too.”
“I’m sorry about your ex,” I say. “I can understand those feelings of inadequacy, though.”
“Oh?”
“Mmhmm.” I take a gulp of my drink to prepare myself. Talking about my ex isn’t much better than talking about my parents. “I’ve only ever had one serious relationship, although I’ve dated a bit over the years. My ex said I worked too much, took my job too seriously, tried too hard to save everyone.” I tick off the items on my fingers as I speak. “I didn’t realize until after we’d broken up how hypocritical he was, since he worked a lot too. He just thought his job was more important than mine, so it was different, at least in his eyes.”
“Sounds like he was hypocriticalanddevoid of compassion,” Spencer says.
“Yes, exactly. I didn’t fully realize that until later when I thought back and saw his lack of empathy in general. I’ve never been the best at opening up and letting people in, and I think that whole experience made it worse.”
It occurs to me yet again how easy Spencer is to talk to. I’ve always felt like I could tell him things, even when we first met on LoveLinks. Back then, I thought it was because of the element of anonymity, the distance naturally created by not being face to face. It’s carried over since we met in person, though.
“Okay, enough serious talk,” I say before Spencer can formulate a response. I rarely talk about my ex because he’s not worth the breath it takes to speak his name, and it sounds like Spencer’s ex is the same. Plus, talking about past relationships with the guy I wish I were currently dating feels a bit weird. “What do you want to do when we finish our drinks?”
“Check out the light display further down the street?” Spencer suggests. “Get something else to eat? Dessert, perhaps?”
“As Jordy would say, I never turn down dessert.”
