Spencer lets out a low whistle as he approaches the shiny, colorful machine. He runs his hands over it and then fishes around in his pockets, his hand emerging with some loose change.
“Want to do the honors?” he asks.
“You go ahead.”
His smile widens as he peruses the selection of songs. My hands itch with the urge to reach for my phone to take a picture of him standing at the jukebox, his shirt partly unbuttoned, sleeves rolled to the elbow, dark hair spilling forward across his forehead.
Finally, he inserts some coins and pushes a combination of buttons. The jukebox whirs to life and a loud female laugh spills from the speakers. I immediately recognize the song as “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.
A loud ‘ha!’ escapes me. Evie, Stella, Louisa, and I have always loved this song. I still remember when it first came out; we were eight, almost nine. I don’t think any of us understood what a lover was, but that didn’t stop us from singing along at the top of our lungs. To us, it was a song about friendship: ‘you gotta get with my friends’ and ‘friendship never ends’. My body starts moving to the music, although I stop myself from busting out the dance routine the girls and I created what feels like a million years ago.
“You’re just full of surprises,” I say to Spencer.
The tips of his ears turn red again. God, he’s cute. “When I saw this song on the list, it made me think about how the music video was filmed at St. Pancras Hotel in London. It seemed fitting for today.”
“That’s right,” I say, picturing the lush patterned carpet and colorful walls of the staircase from the video. “Have you stayed there?”
He gives a hesitant nod. “Before we moved to London, the St. Pancras was among my parents’ preferred lodgings when we visited the city.”
The song is less than three minutes long. I want to suggest we choose another, but Spencer surreptitiously glances at his watch, releasing a quiet sigh.
“I’m afraid I should be on my way,” he says.
Just as I resisted the urge to take a picture of him in front of the jukebox, I employ that same restraint in not asking him to stay longer. I’m not ready for our time together to end, though. I want Spencer to ask me out. He liked me enough to chat with me for weeks on LoveLinks and then ask me to have drinks with him. It was an unavoidable fluke that prevented us from meeting that night. The fact our mutual friends brought us together today when I thought I’d never speak to him againhasto mean something.
Spencer said he had to leave, and yet he’s still standing there, looking at me. Maybe I should take the advice I gave Louisa earlier and just go for it myself.
“Do you want to—” I say at the same time as Spencer says, “I hope you—”
I laugh and wave him on. “Go ahead.”
It takes him a few seconds to speak again, and he looks uncertain as he says, “I had such a lovely time today. I’m glad we were put in each other’s paths again after what happened a few weeks ago.”
His tone has a note of finality that makes my stomach sink. “Me too,” I say slowly.
“I hope you have a wonderful birthday next month. Hard to imagine the actual day topping today. Your friends obviously love you very much.”
“They do. I’m incredibly lucky to have them.”
I want to tell him they could behisfriends too. They treated him like one of us today, and I know they’d welcome him into our group, the same way they did with Wesley, Leland, and Fergus. And yet I’m getting the impression this is it for him and he’s about to say ‘goodbye’ instead of ‘see you soon’.
I shift from foot to foot. Spencer unconsciously mirrors the movement. The air around us feels heavy, with the levity from moments ago quickly draining away. It’s obvious neither of us knows what to say or do now, so I decide to rip off the bandage and say goodbye so we can end this awkward moment and move on.
Before I can say anything, Spencer reaches for my hand. My breath catches as his warm fingers wrap around mine. He opens his mouth and closes it again abruptly, releasing another quiet sigh. After clearing his throat, he tries again. “I want to ask you out, Hollie. We had such a strong connection when we chatted online, and I hated the idea of you thinking poorly of me or wondering if you’d somehow done something wrong when I didn't show up for our date.”
He pauses and looks down at our joined hands. The skin around his eyes tightens as he slips his fingers from mine and jams his hands in the pockets of his trousers.
“I sense a ‘but’ coming,” I say faintly.
He offers me a sad smile. “As much as I want to spend more time with you and see where this might lead, my life is too complicated right now. There are times when I feel as if I’m hanging on by a thread, and it wouldn’t be fair to start something when I’m not at my best and couldn’t give you the attention you deserve. Perhaps…perhaps when things have settled down…”
I hold up a hand to cut him off. “It’s okay, Spencer, I completely understand. As much as I’d like to pursue this, I have a lot going on too—nothing as major as you, but still, we each have things that need our attention. Let’s just leave it at this: maybe we’ll see each other again and maybe we won’t. Either way, I’m glad we had today, and I genuinely enjoyed your company.”
He nods, appearing as disappointed as I feel. “I enjoyed your company immensely.”
Another awkward moment passes. The thought of us leaving this room together and prolonging our goodbye makes me want to crawl out of my skin. “I think I’ll hang out in here for a bit before I walk home.”
Spencer nods again and takes a small step backward as if he’s hesitant to actually turn and leave.
