I press my lipstogether to prevent myself from saying ‘ugh, Tannis’. After a beat,during which Stella starts to squirm, I force myself to unclench myjaw. “Did you have a good time?”
“That’sit? That’s all you’re going to say?”
I lift oneshoulder. “What else is there to say, Stels? You know I don’t likeher. You know I don’t think she’s a good fit for you.”
I have to stopmyself from saying a million other things. Like the fact it feelsas if history is repeating itself since Stella dated Tannis off andon before she met her now-ex-husband, Lars, and she always treatedStella like her dirty little secret. Or reminding her about thepact we made after she divorced Lars, where we promised to alwaysbe honest with each other about the people we date, and if wespotted any red flags the other was too blinded by love—or lust—tosee.
Stella slumpsforward like a balloon that’s had all the air let out of it. Herchin wobbles as she says, “Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever stopmaking bad decisions.”
I jump up from mychair and practically leap across the coffee table in my hurry tosit beside her and take her hand.
“Eversince my accident, I feel like all I’ve done is screw up.” Her eyesare misty, but she’s blinking furiously in an attempt to keep thetears in. “I had my whole life planned out and it was all rippedaway in a matter of minutes.”
When Stellastarted her skating lessons all those years ago, I figured it wouldbe a passing interest. Her parents had already enrolled her ingymnastics and karate, neither of which lasted long before Stellabegged them to let her quit. It became evident early on thatskating would be different, though. Stella had finally foundsomething she loved. She was also good enough to catch the eye of awell-known local trainer who encouraged the McGraths to pursueprofessional training.
The same year myfamily made our big move across town, Stella was in a horrible caraccident on her way to a skating competition with anothercompetitor and his mother. Thankfully, they only suffered minorcuts and scrapes, but Stella was left battered and bruised, withinjuries ranging from broken bones in her left leg to a severeconcussion. She spent weeks in the hospital and months after thatconvalescing at home. Despite eventually making a full recoveryphysically—with the exception of a slight limp from her leg nothealing quite right—Stella was never the same after the accident.All her hopes and plans for a future as a professional skater werecrushed, and it took her a long time and a lot of therapy to cometo terms with it.
“Mywhole adult life has been so aimless,” Stella says, her voicewavering. “I’m almost thirty-five and what do I have to show forit? What have I accomplished?”
“You’reworking on that, though,” I say. “You’retrying, and that counts forsomething. That counts for alot. You’re back home where youbelong, and you know I’ll help you in any way I can.”
“You’vealready done so much for me,” she says, snifflingpathetically.
“Because you’re my very best friend in the whole world, Stella.And I’ll continue to do everything I can for you until you have thelife you want. The life youdeserve.”
“Whatif that never happens?” Her voice is barely above a whisper, and itmakes my heart squeeze painfully. “What if I never find a career Ilove or a person to share my life with? What if I just keep goingfrom job to job and person to person? Or get to a point where Idecide I’ve had enough of dating and I end up alone?”
What do I say tothat? I’m aware of how fortunate I am to have a career I not onlyenjoy but that I’m also good at. I understand her other fears,though; I’m proud of the life I’ve built and I enjoy myindependence, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have the samefear of ending up alone. Of never finding someone to share my lifewith, someone who loves me fiercely and unconditionally.
I shift on thecouch to face Stella. “I wish I had the answers for you. I thoughtby the time we got to this age, we’d have everything figured out,but that’s a joke, isn’t it?” I pause, relieved to see her lipscurving slightly as she nods. “I don’t know many things forcertain, but I do know you’ll never be alone. You’ll always haveme. I know it’s not the same as being in love and having a partner,but—”
Stella cuts me offwith a quick shake of her head. “Having you in my life is more thanenough, Evie. Our friendship, the love we share…” She trails off,her throat working as she swallows several times. She clears herthroat and continues. “The love we share is more than some peopleever get in a lifetime.”
“Welldamn, now you’re going to makemecry.” Blinking back tears, I pull my hand fromhers to wave it in front of my face. We spend a minute or twounsuccessfully attempting to stop our laugh-crying, and then Ishift to face Stella again. “Can I just say one thing? And have youunderstand that it comes from a place of loving you and wanting thebest for you?”
“Okay…”she says warily.
“Stopsettling. For some unfathomable reason, you seem to think you don’tdeserve good things, even though you deserve the very best. So stopsettling for jobs you hate, stop settling for people you don’t evenreally like and who don’t treat you right. You know you can stayhere for as long as you want, so consider this in-between time agift. A chance to dig deep, figure out what you really want, andfind the courage to go for it. And…” I gather my own courage,remembering our pact. “In that same vein, stop dating people likeTannis because you think you don’t deserve better.”
Stella’s face isblank by the time I finish speaking. She’s nodding her head slowly,though, which tells me she’s processing everything Isaid.
The alarm on myphone goes off, startling us both. Stella raises her eyebrows at mygood-natured eye roll as I grab my phone and swipe to snooze thealarm. “Mom called first thing this morning to ask me to pick up afew things for Thanksgiving tomorrow. She’d normally have herworker bees doing all the prep, but she gave most of them theweekend off since she thought it would be just the three of us forthe holiday. It can wait until we finish this conversation,though.”
“No,no, you go ahead,” Stella says quickly. “I need some time toprocess. And just so you know, you’re right. As always. Whichissupremelyannoying.”
I laugh, relievedshe’s not upset. “We’ll talk more later, yeah? Maybe work on aplan?”
“Youand your plans.” She picks up Wesley’s CD from where she set it onthe arm of the couch and goes back to scanning the list of songs.“Always with the lists and plans. I guess I shouldn’t make funsince you’re so successful. Hey, remember when we decided to formour own Baby-Sitters Club and you took on the role of Presidentbecause you were so clearly the Kristy of the group? You had thevisor and everything. You had notebooks full of ideas and lists andplans and—” Her words cut off abruptly, her eyes going wide as sheflips the little CD booklet open. “Did you look at this? Theinsert?”
I shake my head atthe sudden change of topic. I was ready for another stroll downmemory lane with talk of our short-lived yet successfulBaby-Sitters Club. “No. I wanted to go in without knowing whatsongs were on it and be surprised.”
“Mm,that’s a nice idea,” she says, her tone far too casual. “You mightwant to have a look at it, though.”
The snoozed alarmon my phone goes off, and I silence it. “Okay, just leave it thereand I’ll have a look when I get home.”
Stella appears asif she wants to argue, but she simply presses her lips together andnods. Wanting to see her smile again, I lean over and plant a noisykiss on her cheek.
Her face relaxesinto a grin. “Love you, Ev.”
