I feel like a walking raw nerve the next day. One gentle poke could send me spiraling back to where I was in the days after Gwen and Evan’s wedding. So when TJ walks into Cravings, looking as gorgeous as ever, I have to resist the urge to fall on the floor and throw a universe-cursing tantrum.
His guarded expression as he approaches the counter makes me wonder what my own face is doing. “How are you, Willow?” he asks carefully.
“Great. Never better. What can I get you?”
Someone who didn’t know him as well as I do probably wouldn’t notice the way his shoulders slump at my curt tone. I notice, though, and it makes me feel like shit.
“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “I…I’m having a bit of a rough time, and seeing you has thrown me for a loop.”
“I’m sorry for that.” His cautious expression morphs into one of sympathy and concern. “I keep seeing Cravings all over social media. I mentioned it in passing to a client of mine, and she suggested we have our meeting here today.Insisted, actually. I know I promised to give you space, so if me being here makes you uncomfortable, say the word, and I’ll tell her we need to meet somewhere else.”
I shake my head. “It’s fine. Really.”
I try to convince myself this is good practice for when I inevitably run into Jasper. Learning to deal with people who hurt you is a part of life. I mentally bring out the adulting stickers I thought about the last time I ran into TJ. Today’s would say ‘Learned to be civil to a man who crushed my heart’. Maybe it’s a tad wordy for a tiny sticker.
“Will?”
I snap out of my reverie. From the look on TJ’s face, I’m guessing he’s been trying to get my attention for a while. “Sorry, I’m a space case today. You said you’d been seeing Cravings’ posts?”
Now he looks a touch sheepish as he waves the phone in his hand. “I actually follow your Instagram account from a private account. I didn’t want you to think I was keeping tabs on you or anything, but I got an ad one day and started following. You’ve done some truly amazing work here, Willow, and I’m so damn proud of you. Am I allowed to say that?”
I release a long, shaky breath. “Yeah, you are. I appreciate it, TJ.” We stare at each other for a long moment. His familiar eyes are soft and searching, and they put me at ease for the first time all day. “When is your client getting here?”
TJ glances at his phone. “Not for another fifteen minutes. I came early in case you asked me to leave and I had to come up with a contingency plan.”
I snort out a quiet laugh. “Want to have coffee with me while you wait?”
Five minutes later, I set a tray on a table for two and drop into the seat across from TJ. I think this surreal moment has hit us both because neither of us says anything as I place his coffee—an Americano, same thing he used to drink when we were together—and apain au chocolatin front of him.
“I should thank you” I say, taking my own vanilla latte and pumpkin spice muffin off the tray. “Something happened recently that’s knocked me for a loop and made me think a lot about the past. The other day, I was thinking about the last time we saw each other and you made that joke about raspberry cordial. Remember?”
I can’t blame him for the perplexed look he gives me as he nods.
“Well, I’ve been planning all these things for Cravings. I wanted to start offering special events once or twice a month, like themed parties and afternoon teas.”
“Like the Halloween one you did last month?” he asks.
“Yes!” He really has been paying attention to our social media. “So when I thought of that raspberry cordial comment, it made me think I should do anAnne of Green Gablestea party. I’d serve cordial, tea, and finger sandwiches, and I figured I could look up what sorts of desserts were popular in the late 1800s when the story took place.”
“That’s brilliant,” he says, toasting me with his coffee cup. “I’m sure it’ll be really popular. And I’m glad something good came out of that chance encounter. I had the impression I’d made things worse between us.”
“Nah,” I say. “I knew you heard what I said and respected my wishes.”
“I did. Ido.” He breaks off a flaky piece of his pastry and pops it in his mouth. “What about the guy you were with that day? Jackson? James?”
“Jasper. We’re…not together. We never really were. Not to sound like a Facebook status, but it’s complicated.”
He chuckles. “Is it safe to assume he’s what knocked you for a loop recently?”
My first reaction is to shut this down. Tell him he’s the last person I want to talk to about my love life. But the genuine concern on his face—plus thoughts of my conversation with Marisol last night and how she said I’d hardened my heart after my breakup with TJ—has me softening. Finally, I settle on a simple, “Yes.”
“I’m sorry, Willow. I hope the next guy you meet has more sense than to let you get away.”
One side of my mouth lifts in a half-hearted smile. “Thanks.”
TJ straightens in his seat, clearing his throat. “So. Tell me more about what you have planned for this place.”
The change of subject lifts a weight from my chest. I tell him about some of the holiday events I’ve been working on with Marisol. It feels strangely okay being here with TJ. Maybe even borderlinegood. Talking about the café and my plans puts me at ease and makes me more animated than I’ve been in weeks. TJ listens with interest, asking thoughtful questions and interjecting with his own opinions here and there.
As we talk, a sense of relief washes over me. Despite enjoying TJ’s company, I don’t feel anything for him other than the potential for friendship. I’ve avoided him for so long because I worried seeing him would stir up old feelings and reopen old wounds, especially when I’m already feeling so vulnerable. We’ve slipped back into familiarity, though, and when something from the past gets mentioned, it doesn’t feel like someone’s prodding a tender bruise the way I expected it to.
I’m starting to see that maybe it’s possible to be friends with someone you once gave your heart to. Your heart might be a little battered and bruised, but as Marisol said last night, that’s life. Jasper and I were friends before we became more—and then nothing. Perhaps it’s possible for TJ and me to be friends now after being more to each other once upon a time.
With that logic, it’s not a stretch to believe it’s possible for Jasper and me to be friends again someday. I just have to finish falling out of love with him first.
